Long story short, my brother in law lives across the street. We live in NJ. He says he’s very concerned about coronavirus. His daughter and wife have pre-existing conditions. I totally get it. However, he tries to police everyone else. “You don’t care about my family because you aren’t doing things the way i think you should”. This includes him watching out his windows and creeping on his cameras and calling us out when our kids get too close to the other kids when playing, or if I inadvertently shake a neighbor’s hand while saying hello out in the street (yes, it’s like that). We are taking reasonable precautions, but we aren’t totally cucked. This has been going on for a year. His parents and sometimes my wife are enablers for him. They’ll say things and all but there’s never any consequence to his actions. He’s done and said some pretty mean very disrespectful things about this all. Even calling me “a fucking asshole” because I got the virus last year, from going to work to keep my bills paid. This is only the tip of the iceberg. This dude claims it’s about concern for his daughter, meanwhile he lets her go into the gaggle of kids playing “too close” outside.... lets her play for a bit, then comes over to pull her away and make a scene that no one is wearing masks and social distancing. Or he’ll let her around all of us who he says “I can’t trust you with the covid precautions”. Then complain that he can’t trust us and pull all this other watchdog shit. Sounds more to me like someone who just wants to trap people into shit he can complain about (which was pretty typical of his BS even before covid. I’m somewhat venting here, and I apologize. But I don’t really have anywhere to turn about this. Everyone around me and involved basically says “He’s over the top and shouldn’t act like that, but it’s ok because he’s only trying to protect his family”. Drives me up a wall!! I’m not a confrontational person, and I’ve given him/them the be if it of the doubt for this past year, but it’s really starting to affect our lives and more importantly our kids’ lives in a negative way and it’s causing problems between myself and my wife (who is finally starting to see it for what it is) and my in laws. For me personally, my family is basically not in the picture and these people are really my only close family and they do a lot for us. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Anyone else have to deal with a similar situation? How are you getting through it without blowing up on people and damaging relationships?
-Sorry for any misspellings. Typing on a rush on my phone. I’ll try to fix whatever I find.
Additional Info: There's no avoiding this guy. My in laws are all so close, there's no way to cut him out, or get away from his BS. Also, there's no talking to him about anything ha already "knows".. He's stubborn as a mule. I'm not really trying to even be friends. But I have to get along to get along. My in laws are literally involved in every aspect of what we do, and now, with this, every decision has to pass the test of whether or not it' something he can start shit over or not. Fucking blows!!
I am estranged from my fearful daughter and she had a baby last July. I’ll probably never meet the baby. I have no idea under what conditions she would allow it. That being said I will not get an experimental gene treatment for any reason and I don’t care if I never see the baby. I avoid confrontation by not complaining or speaking of anything meaningful ever with that spawn of mine. We basically don’t speak. It’s like a neighbor you wave to. Now her older child now 12 I get to see on the sly bc her ex is a great guy. This really bothers her dad and I bc we raised them aware. She did a speech on how we never went to the moon in high school.
This whole world is so fucked up. I have hope though bc of Faith in the Bible and I have learned to detach myself and wait patiently for God to show the world the truth. He did say he came to bring a sword to divide even families. Why should I not suffer with the rest of the saints? So that attitude of suffering patiently and not demanding things be my way but not complying with demands is my strategy for staying sane.sometimes I just cry or enjoy some THC.
Daughter and I are estranged (long story) but she knows better bc her twin is severely autistic due to vaccines and they haven’t gotten shots since 18 months but she’s brainwashed. Idk if she got the jab but I’m kind of relieved I don’t have to worry about it. I pray for her and enjoy our life massless and unjabbed!
Yes good advice. Never give in. My brother kind of hinted he wanted my mom vaxed if they were going to come and visit and she told him straight up that she was not taking it and she guessed he could stay home if that is what he wanted. I was so proud of her!
I’d tell him that since he is so concerned, you’ll let him police his own family actions, but you won’t engage with him or your sister until he’s ready to stop being silly. I’d simply let him know you intend on living a normal life, and he can choose to respect it or not, but you aren’t going to have him tell you what to do or how to live (I had this exact conversation with a family member. We eventually just agreed to disagree). Then I’d let him flip out, laugh, and walk away.
Somewhere along the line you’ll be able to tell him I told you so.
I've done that. He says i'm being selfish lol. There's no talking to him about any of this.
Then it's simply time to stop talking and time to start finding other ways to go about things. I read your post. Everybody is close, across the street. Well, it's game time. Time to make a decision. Either you keep cow towing to this dude, or you forge a new path and quit complaining yourself.
It's not the news you want to hear, but it's the news you need to hear. Otherwise, nothing will change and you can post this same thing five years from now, just change the context.
Totally agree. It’s up to you to take care of yourself and your family.
Ask him about his selfishness, controlling other's family. He is not head of your family, you are. His word doesn't go, yours does. Flip it back oh him.
Tell him he is that @$$ for believing you don't care about him or his family.
Support for that may be to leave info lying about, printouts of cdc info that conflicts with the narative. Evil and ignorance both hide in darkness.
Ive confeonted friends and family by going with them down the path, and hearing triple mask or whatever, and then showing the news headlines that talk about it being bad for you. You don't win right away, but you plant the seed.
Paranoia takes hold of people in different ways, you could also point out his extremism and call him out on his spying, invasion of privacy.
Outside of a "pandemic" that behavior would warrant a visit from the cops. Does he realize how bad he's being? Call him out on it, drag him out into the light. If he's being that invasive, call the cops for invasion of privacy, or move.
Up to you. Are you at the precipice you are ready to deal with this or can you take some more?
Selfish is trying to force others to take the Mark of the beast bc they have shitty health and Narcissistic tendencies. Such a bullshit answer they all say!
Hes too far gone for any rational thought to make an impact. Every single scary detail about covid has been proven to be a completely fabricated narrative lie, including cheap, safe, and extremely effective treatments being hidden from the public. Keep trying, good luck...he's one you're going to have to hide the knives, belts, and rope from when media starts explaining it was all a lie.
Tell them what I have been saying for a year now Quercetin supplements /along with the green leafy vegs and colorful fruits are the answer/ along with vit D3. It is everywhere now on the internet....It is all over bitchute! do it and regain your sanity...[ and pray/ read Psalms 91/and the book of Ephesians
How horrible! Your BIL sounds mentally ill, he really does. Maybe was unstable already and media manipulations drove him over the edge. If I were in your situation I would actually contemplate putting my house on the market and moving away from him if in any way feasible to do so. Peace of mind is worth fighting for and you are not ever going to change him.
He sounds like a power hungry beta controlling narcissist.
When family has caused me distress in the past, I have had to remove myself from their lives entirely. How else can I retain my sense of peace and inner calm, and be present for my husband.
I am very sorry to see so many people are having problems with family.
Amen! I've pretty much resigned from lying/back stabbing family. There will be a judgement day and prefer to live in truth, even if it's without them for as long as I'm around.
Same here.
As the old saying goes... you can pick your friends but not your family. .. you can only do so much
Dude, that fkn sucks. I say do a mix of stand your ground and casual dismisiveness. I've actually found by just saying "I can't anymore" and walking away does more than anything else. They will try to pick arguments, yell, scream, throw you under the bus, but keeping your cool and remaining normal is your best weapon. People will see this and naturally be drawn to it,, even if they dont admit it. It's worked on some of my most libtard friends, if I can even call them that anymore. If he wants to make it about him, let him. And when the truth is known you won't even have to say I told you so.
Sadness kind of washed over me when I read your post. We’ve all been touched with at least some form of this hysteria. That’s what it sounds like. He seems so angry and afraid. One thing I’ve learned the past few years, and I have to remind myself constantly- you can only control the small space around you. If you drew a circle around your feet, that’s about the extent of it. So YOU control how you respond to him and other family members but aside from that, all you can do is be a good role model, try to educate others as best you can and live your life the way you see fit. You have some choices. The most annoying one would be to move away. That isn’t always practical and certainly not easy. So the other most obvious choice is to try not to let him bother you. Easier said than done, I know. But I don’t see too many other options. Is there a way to shield his prying eyes from what’s going on in your world? Is there a way to shelter yourself from speaking with him?
What’s going to happen when he finally “gets covid?” Maybe that will change the dynamics a lot. But you asked what to do to avoid blowing up on people, damaging relationships and that’s when it comes back to your circle of control. You can control that. You can walk away. You can meditate and/or pray. You can try a sport that expends a lot of energy, you can do what I do and rant like a lunatic by myself in the car (because it upsets most people and dogs if I do it near them.) You can join a church, club or take up a hobby that uses up some downtime and helps you realize you’re not alone. Idk I’m just throwing out ideas but you have complete control how you let this guy affect you. He’s the one who is helpless, stuck inside, sick with worry and anger but you’re not. So you have a big advantage.
The hardest thing for me to have learned is to keep my anger in check. Not say hateful things. Not blow up. I know so many idiots and I have to use snippets of useful info on them, rather than launching into a lecture. Like.. “if masks worked, why do we have to social distance?” and “if the vaccine worked, why are they saying you still have to wear a mask” and so on. But they tend to tune you out anyway if you give too much info so keep it simple. I practice anger control here. I see shills and even regulars with a little frog next to their names being complete assholes to others on here and it’s all I can do some days to not call them out. But I can control how I deal with it myself. Ignore for the most part and deport when is necessary. So maybe look at it like that.
Sorry, too long. You’re not alone, fren!
This makes a lot of sense and is very much about where my thinking is on a lot of this.
You need to start thinking about moving further away. I know this is big, but you are not living a good life. You are not free to be yourself, and a crazy neurotic guy is in your face constantly. Are you all Italians, or could you leave the fold??
LoL. No Italians. They’re Portuguese and Hungarian. Amazingly stubborn people.
I didn’t even read your entire story. Your relative is a Socio path. Stay as far away from them as possible. Don’t listen to a word he says, there are no right or wrong answers, all he wants to do is engage you in conflict. The sooner you back off the better for you and your entire family. I’m not saying don’t let your kids play with one another, but if he’s going to be out there being a jerk, and denigrating you talking down to your family, is it really worth it. YOU. Are the example you will be giving your children for future pandemics to come. If you could patchouly to him now, They will do it for other family members In the future, because they’re gonna learn it from you. Stand up and be a man, tell your wife to stop being a enabler! If you already got Covid, and you lived, isn’t that evidence enough that it’s not the end of the world. It’s all about control with these people. Just ask yourself this question… Was your family member this much of a jerk before the pandemic? I thought so!
I am so sorry to hear this Fren, I am sure you are not alone. I will be interested in what others say on this also.
For me, I have got to a point where I am seriously not giving so much of a fuck what others think of me. I am sorry for swearing, I didn't used to but in this last year - I do somewhat and it is very liberating. These enforcers of tyranny want to be the very BEST rule keepers. They love the control they have over us not so willing.
Think what you have, you have knowledge, you have facts that are coming out every day. You have Frens like us. You had suspicions, early on and its built and built. More and more people have come out. There are stats, the absence of flu, conflicting instructions, hypocrisy, Asymptomatic transmission (lack of it), hypocrisy, bullying, more and more will cement together. The narrative is leaking. It is truly shocking now...
What to do - in my opinion. Sit yourself down, get your belief and your guts in order, get it clear. Then MAN UP (said to you with love) - stand up. Most importantly let your wife and your children see you stand up to this man. He is bullying your family, he is controlling you and you KNOW it is wrong or you wouldn't be questioning it. You don't need us - you should KNOW what is right for you.
He probably knows you don't like confrontation, nor do I, but he is using it to his advantage to be the best at following rules. He is probably terrified and trying to keep everyone safe. I say to you he is lazy and hasn't done his homework. Right now I want to tell a Covid Nazi to fuck off - I enjoy regularly going onto FB just to fight with the virtuous.
You are a kind man, I can tell - but enough putting this man and his paranoia first. Tell him to Fuck Off you have reached your sealing point. You will comply when you are shown transparency from the people implementing this tyranny (which wont happen). When they are put under scrutiny is when you will listen.
My other half was a push over too - he said he will get the vaccine because he want's to go on holiday. In a firm but gentle way, I said fine but in order for things to be right between us, he needs to make an informed decision. That's all I ask for. With that and several tense weeks later, we are building a shed with the holiday money and I am the brains of the outfit apparently to his mates - who are giving him shit and he is fighting back at them. It would have been lovely for him to take the lead but it wasn't going to happen, but by heck I am seeing a good interesting side now.
Katie Hopkins on Youtube perks me up when I am not so focused.
Good luck and sincerely all the best to you and your family. DEEP BREATH and then lets hear you ROAR! Your bully will have a stark choice presented to him. He will have lost his control over you all. Freedom rather than capitulate. Start small, and then where will it lead. You will love the feeling x
Your wife should be on your side if she sees his actions. She might be the first problem. She needs to honor you and be supportive, she took the oath. IF that is too much to ask, you will never get her family to oblige. If your wife does not want your children to have a good life, why are you with this woman? Remember she does carry YOUR last name.
Simple quick answer is to show them how much you are enjoying your freedoms. Once someone becomes jealous, it is hard for them to hold back.
For example a father/children trip to a favorite place (minus the inlaws, and cousins of course). Kind of like candy in the checkout aisle.. Daddy, daddy why do they always get to do stuff? Why cant we? Unfortunately fear and greed play into people's lives more and more these days. Use it to your advantage.
Amen, as a wife, it’s amazing to see the blatant amount of disrespect coming from so many kept women. Stunt on him is what we call it when you stop giving a damn. It’s hard at first but this world and your children are in desperate need of male leadership.
I have one thing more to add. Your brother in law may be doing this for attention? Because he’s lonely and feeling vulnerable and in pain? Has shitty social skills? Idk how you’d approach that. Offer to have a sit-down and talk? Have a beer? Go for a walk? I was just thinking maybe it’s theatrics and he just wants some people to talk to and maybe once given some quality time, he may tone it down? Just throwing it out there. I’ve got some vet friends with serious problems. They tend to lash out and be general assholes to people but deep down they’re just in a lot of pain and don’t know how to express it.
I wish I could say I didn’t try this. Sadly this didn’t mKd a difference.
Well, I hope with time, you get some peace.
Thanks. Have a great day!
You too!
I am guessing this guy and his family then have taken the vaccine. If he has I would not let him around anyway because they are going to be the super spreaders. They will be the ones quarantined when this finally gets to the p oint it should. Sounds like you want to stay friends but honestly hes not worth it. Find other people that think like you do.
I really don't want to be friends at all. I'm just trying to get along to get along because of family. I can't avoid this guy if I wanted to. My in-laws are so close, there's no avoiding this prick.
I’d do what you can to avoid him under the guise that he’s taken the death jab and you don’t want to expose your family to whatever he may end up carrying. You have to have a serious conversation with your wife and stand your ground. My husband is the head of our family and if he let me run over him, I’d lose respect. We don’t wear masks and trust God. All I can say is have a heart to heart and set some parameters. You are the man of the house remember that.
The end is not for everyone.
Did you marry him or his sister? Of course you can cut him out! What is he your handler? You are your own man with your own family! Your family takes precedence! Forget not wanting to hurt feelings and this false sense of obligation to them. The guy sounds like a lunatic and control freak. Get away for the health of yourself and your family. Wifey needs to meet you on this one. Ask her if the roles were reversed and it was your sister trying to control her how she would feel. Say your piece and don't give in! Moving away might help you breathe easier. I know all about family drama, it will suck the years out of you. Toxic people are like cancer, you have to remove them, you can't change them. Praying for you!
I don’t really have any advice to give although I do understand you. Sorry you have to go through this. Some people do not use logic. Had it been me, I’d have stopped my kid from playing with theirs, and maybe that would get them to find some common sense back. But I know it’s easier said than done.
You have received a lot of advice here. Some good, some not so much. I’m only going to add something I taught my kids when the became young adults. Designed to take both logical and emotional aspects of a situation. The method helps you make decisions. It’s pretty simple but does require a bit of thinking on your part. When we have a problem we tend to mull the same disconnected thoughts over and over and we still don’t have a decision that we don’t question. Step #1 - Write down every thought you have about the situation. Every thing that comes to mind. Don’t chose a solution just list thoughts. IE: I could belt him, we could move, I could learn to deal with it. So explore everything that comes to mind about belting him. That would upset the family. I could get arrested. On and on what ever crosses your mind. Don't assign how you feel about a list item belting him fright now save that for step 2. You stay in step one until no more things come to mind, this sometimes take days. When you know you have nothing left move to Step #2 - Where you give each item on the list a score of -5 to +5. You assign emotion to each item on the list. For example. Belting him would feel good, real good so you you give that list item a +5, making the wife mad may be a -5 but the brother n law May only be a -2, the neutral point would eat a zero. During this stage you should not come up with more list items or you have not spent enough time in step 1. When your don’t with adding to you list and assigning a vale to each item on the list add them up. A sum in the negative range will tell you not to belt your brother in law. In the positive range, wail away. Do that for each idea you come up with for solutions and you sound be able to clearly see what option would best fit you and your family. It’s sometimes hard not to question you’re answer but in truth you considered every possible angle and numbers assigning the emotional side gives you the best answer. Sorry for the long post but I hope it helps you decide what is best for this though situation.
Bro, do some research....very little in depth reading about malignant narcissism will have you convinced about what this fuck job is all about. Immediate no contact. That is all. Good luck. God speed. MAGA.
It’s not your fault him and his wife are unhealthy; it’s their choices that led to that. It’s not your responsibility to “keep him safe” from the consequences of his idiotic actions. I really don’t know what to say bc our family had a similar situation and decided to move out west where it’s too expensive for them to travel to bother us. Stay encouraged and stand your ground!
To minimise stress all round, keep it simple. Tell him:
There’s no reasoning with some people any more. They have been utterly hypnotised. And we’ve all seen just how feeble-minded our nearest and dearest really are. Put your own priorities first. Be the father and husband. Protecting your family through all of this includes protecting them from friends, family and neighbours as well as the state. Such is life in a time of unrestricted asymmetrical warfare.
Pose a question. Which is more unreasonable? You expecting me to become you? Or. Me expecting you to become me?
Update: I’ve decided to just treat this as he seems to wish. For the safety of his daughter and family, it’s best that they all keep their distance. He can’t have it both ways. We will do what we need to do for our family, and their health and mental state (meaningful interaction with other kids) etc. because mentally my daughters are struggling after a year of all this BS. If he can’t accept that, then he will need to stay distanced and his poor daughter will have to just not be around other kids. Our kids are the only kids he will allow her to be around. Now that they are playing with other kids, I guess that has to change... if he’s truly worried about health and corona safety, that shouldn’t be a problem right? We’ll see. My in laws surprisingly agree with me on this. We’ll see if they and my wife will stick to their guns. I’m not holding my breath for them to hold the line on this, but we’ll see. Enough is enough. Gave him the benefit of the doubt for over a year now and still caught nothing but shit. Pray for me. Gonna need it. lol.
WOW! Lots of good advise. Thanks you guys!!