I am a single father of two sons who live with me. I love them and try to provide the best for them in life.
We are Christian and all that and attend church when we can; altho they go with their mom on weekends.
Lately i have become incredibly depressed by everything going on. I was mostly unaffected by Covid, I have prepped a large stash of stuff just in case, and for the most part my life isnt too objectively bad.
Dating has been hard and i am beginning to despair of ever finding a partner in this area and with the morass of online dating sites being the suckholes that they are.
Ironically being depressed and trying to date isnt the best combo so im just spiraling down on the regular.
I have prayed to God to send me someone who he intends for me, but thus far no luck.
I feel like theres nothing left for me in life. Nothing i want or need. I am hanging in there for my sons and my parents but you can only live for someone else for so long, and i feel my time is growing short.
Any advice to cheer me up? At 43 i have too far left to walk to do it alone but feel as though ive walked too far already to make finding someone a possibility.
And with all the vaxxing im not keen on meeting someone whos going to randomly sudden death on me, so im there at the viewing saying "im just thankful for the 6 great months we had together."
Ive lived and worked with pain and i just dont want any more, and God knows what ive been through...
Try going to the gym and get those endorphins flowing, raise your mood.
Next, think about the kind of woman you would like, then think what kind of things that woman would do with her time. Go to those things.
Forget dating sites, meet real people.
So many women edit their profile pics on social media.
I’ve decided to never use dating apps after what I saw.
Besides, it’s much more exciting the traditional way, being out in the world, and suddenly you see this beautiful woman who catches your eye, and vice versa, you can’t beat a moment like that with dating apps.
Ahh yes the catfishing is strong on the dating sites, and the ones claiming to be Christian are the worst.
I love the separated women seeking someone who shares their Christian values.
Mine don't allow me to date women who are still married. I realize there was a point when my divorce was not final but the marriage was over but some of these even talk about how recent the separation was.
Your first tip I'm sure is good but Is the hardest for me. I was an asthmatic kid and the gym class experiences led me to loathe physical activity for "fun." Thankfully I have a fantastic metabolism which means I'm not huge and out of shape. Somewhat muscular even from the work I've done.
I don’t know how bad your asthma is, but weight lifting shouldn’t agitate it.
It's gotten better than when I was a kid. And I used to lift weights...now some muscle spasticity from a health issue I survived a few years back guarantees me days of pain after lifting anything...
I do a lot of practical lifting for work so I'm often achy when I get around to my free time
I know what you mean, but it's easy to be lazy when you have a good metabolism. I have a similar issue.
However, you don't have to hit the gym literally, try doing 10 press ups a day. If you manage that, go to 11, then 12 etc.
Even that will make a difference.
Or, you could try dynamic tension, where you tense opposing muscles against themselves. Although if you try that go easy to start with, you'd be surprised how easy it is to strain a muscle in the beginning :)
God knows what we've all been through but that don't mean we should give up, should we? First of all stop trying so hard in trying to find someone and if it happens, it will happen. :)
But now if you're an animal person how about adopting a puppy or some other kind of pet? I adopted a pup last year from a local produce farm/ best choice I've made!
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I do have a dog I adopted, my sons want another but I am not at all sure. Thanks!
I was thinking of getting two dogs last year but thank God I didn't like WOW... This little guy of mine is a hand full but I love him. He is my reason for getting up in the morning.
I am think your dog needs you as much as your sons need you. Live one day at a time....
Thanks yeah I have just never been a multiple dog person. Multiple cats, yeah ok, but with this dog having a strong prey drive it's bad enough that there are two barn cats to chase , nevermind one IN the house
Find something that works for you and grab onto... Get involved in something that really matters to you and make a difference of some sort? Maybe you might meet someone worth spending time with who knows.
My professional advice when the blues come on a bit too much: 1. no alcohol. ETOH is a depressant in the nervous system. No excuses. No booze, beer, wine - nothing. 2. Clean up your diet - eat mostly veggies, mostly fresh, and fish or chicken for now - hormones in commercially grown red meat can wreak havoc on moods and only eat unprocessed carbs like brown rice or ancient grains. 3. No processed food and no junk/fast food. 4. No white sugar in the top three ingredients - or at all (best), including corn syrup. Just ask a diabetic what sugar does to their moods. 5. Look at online herbal supplements like St. John's Wort, Kava Kava, 5-HTP, Ashwaganda for physical and emotional pain/stress, and to simplify a busy life as a working single dad, just get one pill with all that in there. I always recommend this one:
Trio Mood Joy 5-HTP Capsules | 60 Day Supply | Natural Mood Booster to Promote Calmness and Relaxing Sleep with Ashwagandha, St Johns Wort, & Turmeric
and it's not expensive. Amazon sells it too. Deliver it to your door. Great for aches and pains too.
And finally: A daily workout. Swim. Bike. Run. Box. Your call. Let all that emotion fuel you and leave it on the asphalt.
Do all this and your natural happy self will come through as you meet good based conservative Christian ladies. It will happen. You're clearly a great guy. Don't let this BS beat you in the world today. The best is yet to come.
Thankfully I quit drinking a few years back. It almost killed me, no hyperbole.
I'll try the dietary stuff and maybe some of the supplements. I quit taking big pharma pills a year or more ago, except for my blood pressure but even those may go soon if I keep up the good work
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Oh believe me I'm steering the ship, altho my post may not sound like it. Thank you
Sorry to hear that! Don't be depressed. The last 2 years have hit us all. That is what they want. These evil forces want to keep us in constant fear and in low vibration. Don't let them be successful.
Don't look at what you don't have, but instead appreciate what you have. You have two sons and parents who are still alive. This is the most precious in the world, but we tend to regard that as normal. It isn't.
Stand up every morning and tell yourself how lucky and blessed you are with your family. Do some workout, get a fresh haircut and be nice to yourself. It may not immediately work, but be assured: when you love yourself, you will be loved. God bless you!
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I try to show gratitude but it's an uphill struggle with the demons inside. Thanks for the tips I will keep at it
Part of it is my side gig; after my last true crime book was finished right before covid I went into a tailspin. I can stomach a lot but the unsolved rapes and murders got to me at last.
(hug) Keep praying. God knows all about it and He wants you to say it to Him everyday. Your faith will increase, as will your joy.
We all care about you, too! Godspeed, fellow Gen X-er. You've got this. We will all get through it.
I've even limited my visits here because sometimes even the good news is wrapped in bad news. This is my only site I visit as an online hobby.
I completely understand that. It's easy to be letdown and struggle with this. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take a break from this. We'll be here when you want to come back. I have days where I slow down a whole lot on here. We needs breaks.
Take care, friend. :)
Thanks
u/Slechta5614
Awesome thanks fren. 🙏💙🐸
Go find yourself a good congregation with a good leader and join. Look around a lot and be critical at first. The rest will ensue. You'll also increase the odds of the boys marrying well.
I added you to the GA prayer list. As far as advice. The best advice I can give is to find people to help. Something about helping others really helps ourselves. God will send you what u need when u need it. Keep faith. Keep turning to him
Thank you. I am always looking for people to help. Oddly my current job which I thought would do more in that regard actually does less. And I'm alone with my thoughts for the majority of every day
Yes being alone with your thoughts can often be very challenging. If u ever want someone to talk to I am here for u fren. I love listening and talking with people and dont judge. We all have moments like your going thru. Dont give up. Keep leaning on Jesus. He is the key to it all.
Thanks. Gotta pick up my Bible reading again, I go through reading phases due to hectic life but was working thru new testament when I stopped last
Yes I do that as well. I will non stop read but then give up and not read at all. I have learned to just do my best to give 10 min a day. if I read more that's fine but always give atleast 10 min.
My beautiful daughter is 41. She refuses to vax or go along with any of the crap the government throws at us. She is solidly conservative is 41 this year and looks 25! She broke up with her boyfriend because he was too “soy boy” at 43. She is fiercely independent, hardworking, truthful to a fault, loyal as anyone I have ever known, extremely kindhearted, giving, loving and has an extremely wicked sense of humor. Has RA, lupus, fibromyalgia, panic attacks and you would never know it talking to her. I look at her and wish I could have been her in my youth. She has felt the same as you in despairing of ever finding an honest, hardworking, loyal, intelligent, conservative, fun loving MAN! She is content being alone (yes, she does have 2 cats but they are super cool!) and lives everyday joyfully and content. She always wanted kids but has figured the time has come and gone but she would have made a great mother. She says her life and friends, both online and in person are enough as she would rather live alone being happy and living her life for herself than feeling sad that she is not “with someone”. She is an inspiration and I wish more women were like her who are not concerned with having a boyfriend but having a rich, happy, contented life. She says if her “love “ doesn’t find her til she’s 65 then that will be fine. Sometimes “great happenings” just take a little while to happen. I wish you luck on your search for a partner but my partner showed up when I was a divorced mother of 3 at the age of 35. We will be celebrating 33 yrs together in June. God knows what he is doing!❤️❤️❤️❤️
She sounds cool. I'm about to do a Stalin-style purge of my online friends because most aren't worth a damn and are just high school acquaintances.
My life is pretty full but again sharing is fun and it'd be nice to have a pair of hands to wash the dishes when I cook and things like that. And to talk to lol.
Keep praying. God will answer. A new life awaits is, never surrender.
Thanks, and I will. I haven't any dreams left to dream otherwise
What area are you in? May be time to start a Win/Dating board? LOL (I'm only half joking). I bet there are quite a few single ladies lurking around these boards too (I myself might be headed that way soon)... and it's becoming so hard to find sane, rational people in this sea of woke lunacy!!
Oh for sure. Between vaxxed, liberal, Trans and the straight up weirdos it sucks
Yes. Even the couple conservative types I met were lukewarm and had issues I walked away from before date #1 or 2.
What's "all that"?
And now there is zero engagement.
Sorry, picked my sons up and have been doing normal pre school week stuff with them.i hope to come back and answer some of these if I'm not too tired after their bedtime
I’ll delete it.
??
You had implied that my comment created zero engagement from OP. So I deleted it.
I'd be curious to read what you'd said. Sorry I missed it. I wrote the post in a parking lot waiting to pick my sons up and didn't have a chance to check back until later. I appreciate any and all insight.
I think the best way to continue is for you to answer what you mean by “all that.” I gave my own opinion of what impression that statement gave me.
Observant, practicing, trying to attend church and do all that type of stuff when we csn
I put out a “call” to the Universe for my life mate when I was 44. I stipulated everything I WANTED in a life mate, nothing that I didn’t. I had survived massive abuse, and had given up long, long ago in meeting someone. I didn’t even believe men were human! Six months later I met the best man I have ever met, who not only restored my faith in men, but restored my faith in humans. I married him two years to the day, later. This was “a few” years ago. He is my match in life, and I am his. It turns out that HE had sent out a “call”, too.
Send out the call, and let the Universe (or, whatever you believe in), take care of the rest. Even though it is hard, try to keep some positivity. The blessings of your sons and your parents may help here.
I wish for you the joy in a life mate that I have in mine. Your match is out there, and you will find your match. All will be well. Hugs.
I wrote the prayer for the mate I need, i keep feeling like the timing is all wrong right now. Kinda hurts. It is what it is. Hope it works for.me too.
I just keep asking God to help me find who He intends. He made me who I am so he has to have something in mind that fits.
I hope that whomever you find brings you joy and balance.
Thank you. I will try to keep the dream alive and keep asking.
forgive my blatantly retarded question but what do you mean by putting out a call to the universe?
I wrote what I wanted, down. I had done a lot of soul searching to think about what I REALLY wanted. Substance. Foundational. I mentioned personality traits, similar beliefs, honour, kindness and loyalty, etc etc with my own take on it. I also mentioned that my mate should want the characteristics that I possess, and BE AVAILABLE! I didn’t mention anything about appearance or minutiae on his part or mine. I left a lot of things open.
I read it three times out loud, imbibing it with hope and what I imagined it would feel like to have such a mate (I actually had no clue what it was like to have anyone love me, so I had to REALLY use my imagination 😂) and sent it out to the Universe. Then I went on with my life.
Silly, I know, but that was my thing. My now-husband had EVERYTHING on that list, but one, and that one thing turned out not to matter, anyway. I am very grateful.
interesting, thanks for the response
You have gotten some incredibly great advice in these comments! Wow. I'm so proud of rhe people we have here. Not much I want to add except: that real gratitude, heaps of it, can change your whole life. And, what are you interested in besides your kids? Go do some things that are about your interests. Because that is how to meet women who already share your interests. Very important!
I was a first child who moved around a lot so my interests are pretty individual. Not too many women grinding flour,working on small engines, etc. I lead a pretty solitary life so covid didn't bug me since I've been social distancing before it was cool. But I also lack the type of interests where people congregate...I don't mind being alone, but weekends are hard because my kids are gone and I do miss adult conversation about all kinds of topics. I'm too well read for most of my friends, not narrow enough view points
Need a pen pal?
Maybe not a bad idea!
It could help pass the time. I'm bored to tears too. Strange that I could be bored under the current circumstances, but I am. I'm tired of always having to teach people. It's constant. I couldn't even begin to become emotional with 99.9% of the men I know because they are so far behind, they'd probably never catch up and its all just boring at this point. Repetitive and boring. I feel like an alien in this dumb world full of dumb emotionally and intellectually challenged NPCs. Now, to cheer up...another specialty, I believe happiness is a choice, so I choose to be happy, daily, and I try to make the best of it all smile a little.
Yup. I am surrounded by Tool's "dumbfounded dipshits" and even tho I try to teach and have empathy I am finding most of them don't want to learn or believe the obvious stuff right in front of them. And yes, I feel like an alien lol. I identify as male human tho and my pronouns are he/him lol
Hit me up private. We can be pen pals for real. I'd welcome the conversation.
Ok there assuming I tapped all the right keys you should have one now
Jeez. I feel ya. I am so sick of being by myself but I'm also sick of idiots looking for shallow hookups. Its a sick ass world. I don't see why it has to be so hard, but like minded folks are rare and I don't want a pupil, I want a peer. I'll pray for you, you pray for me. My heart keeps telling me God's timing is perfect even if I don't have patience or vision sometimes. Loneliness sucks. 😢🙏😢🙏
Some of the sites almost make me feel like I need to shower after browsing.
My Mom always said, while you are waiting for the right person to come along work on being the person someone wants to be with. When you become the right person she will show up.
Take heart brother, depression is a rational and normal reaction to the horror we are surrounded and attacked by! You are not alone!
God is not a sky genie. He will only help those that help themselves. Seek in real life, not through the screen!
JonathanE has good advice, also you may want to try fasting! If you want to change your life, change your habits!
I keep telling myself it is normal to feel unsettled in an insane world. Thank you
This is normal, and healthy!
Hang in there; rough seas ahead! We live in interesting times!
You are most welcome!
I already do that in a manner of speaking. Typically don't eat lunch or dinner. Maybe just a hard pretzel or similar most days after breakfast.. I've lost a few pounds. Thank you!
Cool! I recommend 7 days no food at a minimum (if you are healthy enough, and have a normal amount of body fat). It really helps to break cycles/habits and start identifying the poisons and their sources (in the mind, and consumed by the body as well).
You are most welcome!
Go shopping center parking lots and spread the Gospel of The LORD JESUS CHRIST! Work for the LORD the rest of your life and quit worrying about what tomorrow will bring! Get some Christian tracts and give them out and tell people we're in the End Times and you're giving away the Good News of The LORD JESUS CHRIST! Can't go wrong!
people who do this literally just push people away from christianity lmao
Not if done properly! I'm simple and to the point when offering the Word to people! My approach is as follows: " Hi, I'm giving away the Good News of JESUS CHRIST, I have a GOSPEL of John if you would like one!" I give away 1,200 every three months or 400 a month! I've done it for over 5 years with no hostile people! I've confronted Satanists, Wiccans, Agnostics, Witches, Atheists Jews, and Jehovah's Witnesses! The WORD is free and speaks for itself!
the problem isn't making people hostile. the problem is depending on how you approach it you either end up coming off as crazy or just annoying. just FYI, I don't mean this as a personal attack, so I apologize if that's how it's coming across. I understand you're trying to do something good and I'm trying to explain how your approach might be counterproductive.
Don't understand your viewpoint! Can't get much simpler and easy than giving something to someone for free! I'm thinking you might be the type that would claim I'm harassing you for offering you something free! I've done this for over 5 years and have had no complaints from anyone! It's my approach that makes my witnessing very simple and to the point! All people that follow JESUS should be spreading the GOSPEL in some way shape and form! This is the End time, and people are very happy to get the Gospel of John and a lot of them ask for more than one, so they can give one to a family member or a friend!
Trust me when I say, after two or more disastrous relationships come to an end you will come to the conclusion that God is enough. You need more crazy in your life right now like you need a bag on your hip.
The grass is no greener with a partner than without one. Maybe try to analyze the real reason you feel the need to crawl back into the womb psychologically. If you say companionship, you are lying to yourself and need to dig deeper.
If you are just depressed and lonely then a healthy relationship is not even possible for you at this time. Get active, change your focus and count your blessings.
I have been where you are now, it is no fun but it does get better.
Honestly I keep digging on it and more than companionship would be just help with things. But I will keep thinking on it. Feel more like I'm trying to crawl OUT OF the womb and get myself where I want to be rather than back in. The divorce put me back in Gotham City, as it were, where I grew up - and as Alfred said, "I never wanted you to come back to Gotham."
You hit something on the head there, good for you.
Trying to climb out rather than get back in, so to speak.
So imagine being with the mother of your kids for 18 years, she cheats on you and it's over. Now you have 2 kids in your custody and you have to do it all yourself. Not only make the money to pay the bills but try to be there for your kids at the same time, then do the dishes, wash the clothes make sure they are off to school and get baby sitters, etc.
The wise man realizes that he jumped from Mom doing it all for him Straight into his girlfriend being a surrogate into to his wife doing it all for him and he never took the time to grow up and do it all for himself.
Then he still doesn't get it and new relationships he gets into cost him his kids. Then he tries one more time but with the same results , lost kids and a broken heart, still no help.
Finally he grows up and realizes he can do it all and always could.
I just suggest you do not need another mother to wipe your ass, be strong and take over now and avoid the heartbreak and potential loss of your kids. Change your focus from being on you and your feelings to service to others as most important and you'll be better for it.
When your ready, a relationship may just fall into your lap when you weren't looking for it. But you are not remotely ready for something healthy at this point.
Thanks. I am always trying to be kind and help others. It's the only thing that feels real. Hell, I'm dehydrating some fruit right now for my ex wife and the house smells amazing. I don't have to do it but I have forgiven her. I pray for her every night too that she finds Jesus and whatever she is missing, because from what I hear there are problems she's having still that are very similar to ones we had. There was not nearly enough introspection on her part before jumping into the next thing. I've at least had 3 years to think about stuff.
I just want to use my Red Lobster reward points before they expire, and talk about something other than Minecraft while I do it LOL
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Thank you. To expand on my original post, I just enjoyed being married. Fixing her car, things like that. Kinda how I show affection. So I get the endorphins of helping plus it's someone I like. That's a large part of what I'd like to recreate.
Right now I'm a guy being both parents and my feminine side is winning out lol so a sort of gender dysphoria is at play. Never thought I'd be 43 an admiring a new pan and not a rifle LOL
Thank you. I have always tried to put out what I want to get back but something must be wrong there lol
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There's a button for that lol.
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