Hey guys, two years ago my ex-wife (then-wife) and I slept together. At the time we were separated, and she was in a committed relationship with a woman. We had been fooling around for 6 months prior to that.
Now that I'm in a very serious relationship and have pushed back on how our son and I have been treated lately, she's come out and accused me of raping her. It's only in text right now, and I don't believe she'll take me to court over this, but i want to get a little insight as to what to do.
Law frens and people who have knowledge, can you drop some advice below? I'm already cutting off all non-logistical communications related to my son. But from there, I'm at a loss. Prayers are also appreciated.
Former cop. Everything and I mean everything you’ve texted has been saved by her. Depending on the state and city you’re in speaks volumes of whether you’re gonna get dragged through the mud. Prayers are helpful. Pray on this fren.
Don't incriminate yourself, at this point plea the 5th to her every text. Don't respond, contact a lawyer or someone with knowledge if the situation. Look at Johnny Depp, if you interact woth her make sure you record it with the proper personal around it a lawyer or police officer. This way an authoritative figure can help you leverage the situation. Again taking some queues from Johnny Depp.
Sounds advice. Don't fall for provocations to use against you as the bad guy. OP sounds very level headed. This is the way.
And try not to react emotionally. Of course this is easier said than done, but she is trying to push you off balance to gain control over you.
Think of the Zen master, who anytime someone expressed some opinion about him, positive or negative, simply responded "is that so?"
This can very easily become extremely serious.
I would recommend hiring a lawyer ASAP and following their advice.
Don't be passive, don't just hope that it will all blow over. You need to actively defend yourself.
Gather any and all evidence you have including text messages, emails, note down your recollection of events in as much detail as possible.
Also look at some online Mens Rights resources for some more info. One is the reddit (blergh!) site www.reddit.com/r/mensrights, but there may be ones more local to you that may be able to offer some information specific to the laws in your region.
You need to go at this as hard as you can as quickly as you can otherwise the story could get ahead of you and you'll be constantly on the back foot. It could also be used as grounds to have your kid "temporarily" removed from you until her claims are thoroughly investigated, which could be many years and may even become permanent.
Take this extremely seriously! I have seen good men lose all access to their kids through false claims, then once the mother got her evil hooks into the kids, the kids didn't want any contact ever again with their father. I sincerely hope that doesn't happen to you.
Good luck, friend.
Screenshot, print out, back up onto a drive, etc every interaction. Get it all, in order and bring a copy for the lawyer. Document, document, document. Any future interactions, be recording.
She sounds like she is bluffing to scare you away from making demands about not exposing the kid to her alternative lifestyle. Depending on the state though, her incautious life is open to questions from the court on its suitability for custody. She sounds like she knows that, and is scared, and is going on offense. If she never filed charges, this is something family law courts regard with groans. She also appears to be trying to protect her relationship now by smearing you. She knows you can go to her partner and tell her that she slept with you while presumably she was in this relationship with this woman, which will not go over well I can imagine. Someone who does this is not secure in her relationship with her female partner. Ask yourself what you want. If you want her back, or not, you can play the card of "I am an honest guy and this won't work as a co-parenting arrangement if we are lying to each other, so full disclosure, lady partner, and I'm sorry but we were going at it while you were together and you deserve to know if you are going to be part of this." Tossing that bomb will enrage her but probably destroy the between her and her lover trust also. If you are patient, I predict this relationship is dying out of its own accord with no further help from you. She might want to return to the stability, the normalcy, and the sex to be with you. If you want this, it might be worth playing a long game with patience and strategy.
Don't panic over her threats to try to scare you or manipulate you. Most good judges sort through the juvenile actions fast and cut to the point of what they expect. But it is costly. Avoiding lawyers save so much money and grief.
I recommend not communicating with her at all until she sobers up, calms down, and gets out of this relationship that is clearly pushing her into criminal territory of making false allegations against you. You pulling away and out of her life for good leaves her with her own questionable decision-making. She has no one to blame to impress the gf. When the wave comes at you, dive under it.
Sending prayers your way. Find a family law attorney (consultations are usually free). You might be able to get a modification on your custody agreement. A family law attorney will know how to handle the slanderous accusations as well. Better to go on the offensive now. She sounds like an Amber Turd freak.
If you were married at the time, the law is probably on your side. Get good legal help
Buy a small tape recorder, get very familiar with it. If she calls you on a whim be nice and try to talk to her and say something like, you know I didn't do that so why are you saying I did ? Try to get her to admit it is a lie. If she admits she is lying don't tell her you recorded it. Let her move forward and then give a COPY to the DA to prove she is a lying ass. DA hate liars that try to play them. They don't give a crap about you.
If you communicated with her on the day of the accusation or close to it then I would find those interactions and screenshot them.
Excellent advice, fren.
So sorry you’re going through this fren. It’s nasty shit to pull - happened to my nephew a few years back. Lawyer up. No comms other than by text or with a reliable witness. Do not engage with any discussion of the “incident”. To steal a line from the Queen “recollections may vary” should be the only comment if any is made. Archive all your texts and emails from her and any others you think could be useful - if you discussed it with friends etc (contemporaneous corroboration possibly). I pray you and your son are ok.
Lesson one... don't date or marry bisexual loony tunes
Record her when you'll ask her why she wants to make a false accusation.
I know this isnt what youre looking for but the only person I know who was wrongly accused of rape by his wife did five years.
Don't Talk to the Police
You don't need to do anything. The ONUS is on her to prove rape. It's not as easy as you think it is especially if she tries to take you to court.
Actually I think the guy could do with going on the offensive - that's a serious allegation and needs to be challenged, otherwise it could be argued later on that he didn't defend himself from the accusation.
Yea fair enough. I can understand his hesitancy on it though. But you're right
I’d take a lawyers advice and yes, sue her for defamation.
Only communicate in text or email so it's documented.
Check your local consent to recording laws to see if you are a one party consent or two party consent state.
Lawyer up.
Oh no… what state are you in? For purpose of law
Not sure how you can possibly be in a serious new relationship when you haven’t figured out your last mistake. “I don’t believe she’ll take me to court over this.” Famous last words!
Kids these days always got put up with the new lay. That isn’t her kid. She’s putting up with him because you have resources. No wonder kids are so fucked. It’s not like you can make a new real family anyway. If she was smart she’s take one look at your ex and run. So she must be fucking dumb.
Get a lawyer.
There is no step 2 until you do that. Maybe jail if you procrastinate or have an "we can work this out" attitude.
Also, please keep us posted. Praying for you!
Stay away from that woman.