Lately I've fallen in what feels like a rut of life. I feel numb to all that life has to offer me. I've spent a year with a very taxing new baby who I love and adore but has been my hardest baby yet and my third. Now into toddlerhood, still very much more difficult then my other two children before I feel there is a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. Still I'm just numb. Nothing that I used to be passionate about brings me much anything. From gardening to farming, to writing, to starting new projects etc. I used to leap at the chance to do any of these. Now I can't seem to start anything. I'm plagued with fatigue and mental tiredness. I've done it all to try to alleviate the issue, great diet, plenty of vitamin, lots of sun, long walks, light exercise 4x a week. I'm no longer in darkness but not in the light either. I'm an avid Bible reader/studier but even here, I feel I've lost my spark. Like I've lost my first love. I'm just reading out of duty, praying out of duty, going to church out of duty. Which is so different from a year or two ago. Now to the point. Any recommendations for a personal Bible study, (preferably tangible like a book) about finding the love for God again, I'm not mad at God or faltering in my faith, mentally I rock solid believe in his grace and salvation but . But currently emotionally I feel a whole lot of nothing about everything. I'd like like to think it's better than the darkness but honestly I'm not too sure it is...
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Depression is anger without enthusiasm. Get a punching bag. Go scream in a barn. Get it out and tell God about it in the process. You need to get that anger out. That's why you're numb. The Lord exists in your heart and all around you and invites you to lay it all out. That's what I do. That's what works. That, and being painfully honest with yourself and every soul around you. God bless.
I've never heard it described like that, and it feels all to real. I used to belong to a boxing gym before covid. Perhaps it is time to get a bag for home use, I think this is a solid idea.
Hit those knees to the floor. Pray. Earnestly. Hands clasped/clenched. Wrestle with God. Tell him what is on your heart and mind. The heart leads us astray. Confess your sin, repent/turn, a prayer that you could sweat blood, commit, give it all to God. Rise. Shoulder the burden. God is all around you. See the world for what it is. Walk the narrow path. Speak truth always. Allow the Holy Sprit to lead you in everything. Everything. Go NOW. Reject that ridiculous cliché that God will never give you anything you can't handle...what a lie. God gives you battles that break you. Sometimes this is what brings us back; a new focus...or we follow our own way. There are only two choices. Never Quit. Prayers to you and yours.
The fervor you have is exactly what I'm hoping for. Words like yours used to make me feel so uncomfortable, but during the height of covid, I felt a taste of that spirit and diligently spoke, prayed , studied with others. I felt a lot of presence then. I've prayed in the spirit of Job , through the darkest points . I for sure believe God values honest prayers, even when I'm angry and brutally honest, I haven't stopped prayers but I feel like there's a block there, like a purposely mentally trying to remain numb even when my spirit is reeling for that closeness again. I've asked for forgiveness in ways I've know I've been wrong and even for forgiveness for maybe what I don't know is wrong, I've spent time dwelling on others I may have not forgiven in my past and forgiving them . And perhaps I'm making all the proper strides and it's a season of waiting and patience but I'm very sick and tired of it.
It happens to all of us. For me, it's time to go camping, go on some nice hikes and then I tend to come back all fixed up.
We are headed to the beach in a week, I'm certainly hoping it will be the rest and reset my body mind and spirit is looking for.
I really think that you on to something very important! We talk about praying, we talk about this and that…. I have just recently Have found a quit place to go to at night. All I hear is just frogs and crickets… if I stop thinking then God start his wonderful stuff! Can’t understand it all, I keep say what the Bible say. We must be less, so He can be more. It’s like he already knows what I need. If will just shut up sit down and be quite, then some how I am on the right path to get there
I started the Bible in a Year with Father Mike Schmitz, on Jan 1. If you are not Catholic, no worries, as there are many non-Catholic Christians participating and giving positive comments. There are podcasts, but I use youtube. This format looks like powerpoint slides, so I can read along, or just listen. If you search BIAY, you should find it. Each day's reading and commentary lasts 20--25 minutes. I don't worry if I fall behind, as two-a-days are nice, too.
I think you may be overwhelmed. Do you get enough alone time? We are told to pray without ceasing. Being in constant connection may help. I know it isn't easy.
(Hug) I hope you get some relief.
Thank you kind friend. I've had a series of overwhelming months where free time wasn't really an option, but with summer it's becoming more feasible, so maybe it just takes a little while longer for the overwhelm to settle
Get your hormones checked, specifically TSH, Free T3 and DHEA sulphate. TSH should be down around 1, FT3 should be above 3.5 or 350 (depending on units measured) (4/400 is better), and DHEAS should be 250-300.
Free T3 is the bioavailable portion of the active thyroid hormone. TSH is indirectly related to thyroid. If it is high, it indicates you need thyroid. If it is normal or even low it can be meaningless. I've seen both, with low FT3. Symptoms follow the FT3.
Thyroid regulates everything: mood, energy, how well your brain works (low can cause 'brain fog"), reproductive hormones, gut motility, low can cause weight gain, but not necessarily. Low DHEAs can cause a fatigue you can't sleep out of.
God is good, but He can't replace hormones.
This. I had low thyroid and it was a lot like depression. Just looking at a bag of concrete that needed to be moved made me depressed.
Also I’ve read about the “Normal” range and some people feel better at a higher or lower dose. It takes time and experimentation to find the correct dosage. In other words just because your number is normal does not mean it is the correct dosage. Let your body tell you. Go by symptoms instead of the reading.
It's best to dose by how you feel. After all, a person seeks treatment because of their symptoms. They are adequately treated when their symptoms are gone. Doctors don't understand thyroid very well. It is theoretical for them. They think the TSH is the gold standard for diagnosing and treating thyroid. It is not reliable, especially if you're taking thyroid. The only thyroid test that corresponds consistently to symptoms is Free T3. And the reference range is almost exactly the symptomatic range.
You aren't alone!
I have a 2 year old, just the one child, she is a miracle after 21 years childless, but.....she doesnt sleep well and i have a thyroid condition and a few other major health issues. I am running on love but i am physically and mentally drained. Hang in there. I can only imagine dealing with a difficult child while you have 2 others. I see moms at the park with 2 and wonder how they donit. i am struggling and just so tired at 44 with only 1. I wish God had sent her at 22 when i was healthier.
Thank you friend, it is somehow comforting to know there are others in the vast universe in the same season of life as you, although I hate to hear you are struggling through it like me. I'll be saying a prayer for you and your little one :)
Fren, are you unvaxxed? And/or did you get pretty sick during all the covid stuff? Either way, when life losses it's shine and our spark is gone, I think a course of ivermectin is called for. People are seriously drained by parasites and no question one's mood is affected. It helped me. And read The Mood Cure book. There is an amino acid I think you need. Also oxygen therapy really perks you up as do b12 shots. You life would exhaust me. I can see why you'd be burnt out. A vacation really helped snap me out of a bad slump once. Change of scene. I needed it. I was quite surprised to find my depression had lifted right off of me.
I am unvaxxed. I've never tested any of my illnesses on whether they were covid or not but I've had my fair share of illnesses on the past 3 years. I take magnesium glycinate, Berberine, and calcium d glucarate , for sleep, insulin regulation, and liver detox. I've taken ivermectin a few times with my illnesses as they came up. I've done a paraguard cleanse , I've done an oil of oregano cleanse. I've been on enzymes and probiotics. I have studied ALOT, of information on supplements, minerals, food to take to help and have done all of them and consistently. I'm for sure not one to go to the doctor for a prescription. I think the amount of knowledge, discipline and work I've put into it is part of the overall frustration. We are as a family going on vacation in a weeks time and I'm hoping some time in Gods nature (the beach) could be the reset my body and mind and spirit is looking for.
🙏❤️🙏 You are remembered. God speed His blessings to you.
Thank you for this :)
Try keto/intermittent fasting and detox. If there is something physical happening, that's a good start at physical healing.
Feelings are like nerves for your soul. Hot, cold, wet, sharp, angry, sad, depressed, joyful- these are innate gifts that God gave us to modulate our relationships with the world and with each other as spiritual beings with a physical existence.
Depression is not a disease. And acting to love out of duty and commitment is perfectly reasonable way to spend time. But just acting and reading and serving and going through the motions is not fulfilling.
Love is the answer, the only answer.
My family is very connected to many missionary organizations, and we work to support people all over the world doing all kinds of ministries- and we have discovered this: "Lovers make the best workers". You can be talented at languages or skilled at building or medicine or teaching, but if you are JUST a talented worker serving, you'll burn out in a couple years. The lifelong missionaries who never get burned out are not the ones who necessarily have great skills, but rather the ones who just do whatever they can to help out of love.
Find your "spark" in love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
Due to a genetic liver condition I can't fast and keto has proven to hard on my system. I am however going to be changing my diet to Whole Foods and looking to purposeful meals in regulating hormones and helping liver detox. I will take your advice to do all things with love at the forefront, it is very sound advice and something that gets lost and put to the side when life becomes routine
You also may have some postpartum nutritional deficiencies- it takes a LOT to create three children out of your own body, and it is VERY likely that you are very low on any number of vitamins or minerals.
Some big ones- you need animal fats with vitamins D,E,A,K. B Vitamins are very easy to become deficient in and lethargy and dry skin are the first warning signs- nutritional yeast is a very easy way to catch up quickly. Folate is a big one, and is particularly depleted in pregnancy- also iodine and selenium (particularly useful for iodine uptake- and best found in Brazil nuts- like 2 per day is good) are significantly depleted during pregnancy as your hormones go on overdrive.
Your physical symptoms could just be an underfed thyroid- it is wildly common amongst postpartum women these days. Your thyroid converts iodine into thyroid hormones and in the first trimester goes on overdrive to create a new thyroid for your child. If you are craving salty foods, it's very likely you are iodine deficient- you can do a simple iodine absorption skin test to check whether you need more. Make sure you are using iodized sea salt, eat tons of eggs, wild caught ocean fish, and chicken, and if you need more, you can take it topically with zero overdose potential- it soaks into your skin overnight if you need more and absorbs very slowly and keeps your skin yellow for a couple days if you have enough- just test with a 2"x2" patch on your leg or arm.
Most women in their 30s and 40s have thyroid issues because of long-term toxic exposure to bromine through brominated flour/vegetable oil, fluoride from water/teflon/toothpaste/medications (it is in SO MANY medications), and chlorine from water sanitation- these all compete with iodine as they are all in the halide group of the periodic table with a charge of -1, and they are extremely reactive and we are exposed to way too much of it. Birth control is devastating to the thyroid as well.
How many drops of lugols on the 2 by 2 patch?
Just paint the area with a q-tip or a cotton swab until it is saturated yellow and not runny. The size also might be 3x3, I was pulling it from memory and it's been a couple years.
Ty
Crazy Love by Francis Chan
Thank you for the suggestion. I have it ordered now, it sounds perfect.
The concepts in the book changed my relationship with God for the better. I hope it helps!
I am reminded of Spurgeon's 'Morning and Evening' devotionals from just two days ago - morning portion - some wisdom for times like the one you are in:
https://www.biblegateway.com/devotionals/morning-and-evening/2023/05/22
Wow, that was so on point. Thank you for sharing. I'm going to read over that every morning this week. I think my deepest fear, is that I'm wasting some lesson that I can't seem to grasp or understand. And that's why I can't seem to get from point A to point B
Stop being selfish.
You are experiencing anxiety. You, like me want it happen - now. I crave redemption. I crave to be on the right side of history. It's going to flip and you have to be prepared for the endless line of social and psychological refugees.
Prepare yourself; the masses are coming. They will be drowning. Take joy in the peace you have today. Take pride in your deligence to study his word and to speak to him. Be grateful for the surplus in your cupboards.
The storm has almost arrived.
Be magnanimous in victory.
Are you trying to do all this alone? Where is your helpmate? Delegate some of what you feel you "must" do and just be quiet and at peace.
We have done much better at approaching the children and house load as a team effort as of late, I think that also adds to my frustration, the load is getting a little lighter everyday but I still feel like a slump. Maybe I just need time more time to recover from a strenuous year.
Give yourself a break. Been through a lot of grief and lost my “joy”. My connection to Jesus and the Holy Spirit was weak. In all our efforts to do more and learn more, we forget to just be. Remember when we have done all we can, just stand. Stand on the promises, stand in His love, let the Grace and Love flow into you. Might not be overnight, but you’ll wake one day with a sense of freedom and love that will fill you with such joy, it will fairly shine from your eyes and heart. Remember He loves us even with our imperfections.
Crap, I know how you feel, my fren! I've been going through something similar for over a half year now already. But for me, I was not reading the Bible or praying much at all. I'd been healthy for 3 years, then in October I caught what could have been the WuFlu but nobody could tell I was sick, so I bluffed my way through work and just used PTO in the afternoons and continued my evening job teaching ESL. Then in November I had quite a burst of energy, began exercising nearly every day, drastically reduced my alcohol consumption, lost a bunch of weight, and brought back my prayer life. Then God showed me that I need to pray for the girl I didn't marry, a girl who was special to me but I'd given my heart to another.
It's been a bit of spiritual whiplash, and I have mentioned this situation on this forum here a few times, but although this girl and her older sister who both meant so much to me back then have fallen away from the Lord, I keep praying for them daily in tears.
I've gone a bit in the opposite direction from you since I've become closer to God lately, but I too have felt like my life has been in a rut. I'm yearning for something more, wanting to be a light to my old friends, but here I am in Japan, so far away. The nice thing is that now my daughter is pen pals with that older sister's daughter, and I'm being patient with what God can do for our lives. But I've been so deeply impacted that I haven't been doing much hobbies at all. I even have a YT/Odysee channel for hobbies, particularly building plastic models. I've lost a zeal for that, and even just video games. Too often I'd rather go jogging at night because that's the best prayer time for me.
I've prayed for God's grace though, because my empathy for others can cripple my heart if I am not careful, and my friends who have fallen away and won't communicate with me have been so much on my mind that it's impaired my ability to enjoy my own life. Since this past weekend, I feel like I've begun to normalize more and enjoy my hobbies again.
I know how you mean about being no longer in darkness but not really in the light. I pray for this Great Awakening and that it will open the eyes of my loved ones. The girl I once loved but God had told me at the time that she wasn't the one for me, and her older sister who is the one who encouraged me to propose to my wife. And many other friends who have lost their way.
Don't ever feel hesitant to pray for yourself. Pray for God's grace in your life. Pray for the Holy Spirit to move your heart and to motivate you to do what you need to do. And thank God for your family. My wife and i were only able to have one child. Then when she was hit by a car in 2019, life sort of changed and it closed the door on the possibility for more children.
I think many others must be feeling like we're on the verge of something great, but we are just getting so fatigued from the anticipation...