When you get hungry, you eat. To maintain your physical strength, you must eat often. Well to maintain your spiritual strength, you must eat of the word of God often too. Take up and read your bible often and it will refresh you. Pray every minute you can, and god will restore your spiritual strength. You may fail at times, but keep chasing after God, that is what counts. Surrendering youself to Gods will is not something you do once and your done, it something you have to do every second of every day. For some people, that is easier done than it may be for others, but God understands our struggles.

Like C.S. Lewis said, for the people unburdened by sin possibly because of their digestion or other condition, this is not their gift to God, it is God's gift to them, and when we all dies, all that goodness that was a product of their nature will fall off, and we all we be reviled for our heart.

C.S. Lewis comments that in those persons who strive but fail because of a tendency to sin, those with an impulse to sin, but turn from that sin, that turning may be a greater victory in Gods eyes than the person who has no impulse doing far greater things.

It helped me a lot to open my eyes fully to the way Satan operates too, that he get control over us through a series of Yeses, one little step at a time. We must recognize his clever schemes to lure us away from the joy of our salvation, and to cut him off at the first sign of imposition, to say "no Satan, I will not give you power over me, Jesus Christ fill me with your spirit, and turn my mind to your love."

I felt the exact same way as you one day after arriving home from church one Sunday. I walked in the door, and wrote this straight out. I could not write something like this again if I tried.

My savior is with me thou I struggle
In my heart with him I abide
Though in sin I've toiled through my trouble
He never has left from my side
And I know before my final hour
That within him secure I will be
That my faith like a blossoming flower
Will bloom forth for my God to see.

Yet in this life filled with much bleakness
I pray to my God above
Lord judge me not for my weakness
But Father for only my love
For on that day when you open the book
Despite all of the errors I've made
I know on one of the pages you'll look
To see I was worthy of the price that you paid

In order to let go, you have to understand that Jesus forgives you. However, he cannot make you forgive yourself, for that you have to trust in his judgement, and that he is right to do so.

Trust first, the rest just happens.

But I know he wants me to take the wheel and drive rather than him taking care of it.

In all my experience with the Lord, this is NOT the case. All of Scripture basically attests to the fact that WE can not do this. We NEED Jesus to do it all. The Holy Spirit does the work while we would do best to get out of his way. Surrendering is not us DOING anything but allowing the Lord to do His will. Die to self; live for Christ alone.

If it’s as simple as faith, then why are we all consumed with the news, information, what’s going on with Trump, Biden, the world, etc.?

Proverbs 24:16

For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.

2 Corinthians 4:14-18

14 Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

You believe and are trying, and that is more than most

You know growth is a process. Maybe this wrestling is the focus more than the issue that raised it. Perhaps consider reading the 8th chapter of Romans.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Here's a song as well. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y-b7TQMoZsM

God bless fren!

Surrender prayer: https://www.fatherdolindoruotolo.com

Almost always, feelings follow will. Determine you will surrender this area of your life to him, and tell him so. Do it as often as you are tempted to sin again, or tempted to berate yourself for the sin. Stay on a steady diet of scripture. Your feelings will eventually follow.

Remember that the faith you current have is not yours but was given to you.

Romans 8:38-39

Philippians 1:6

Ephesians 3:20

That's why God says "Come as you are". We are all a work in progress. We aren't saved because we are worthy, salvation is a gift. None of us are worthy. Relax and let the Holy Spirit do His thing.

God is not going to run your life fir you, which your posts suggests you may be waiting for. He is there to infuse your mind with good and with good thinking. He leads, but does not command. You should read the Sunflower, a book about finding God;s will for yourself. Being open and willing to do what you believe is right is the way to go. Doors will open. Do you see them? When you do, or they close, you will know what to do. It's all about being ready to see and listen and watch.