I posted here previously about my hardships.
Ya'll, I'm working a full time job and a part time job to make ends meet. I'm gone from 7 am until 8-9 pm. By the time I get home my child is getting ready for bed (having spent the day with her Mom). She wants to play with me. It crushes me. She asks to stay up and play games with me and occasionally I do, but it ultimately wipes me out. Usually I have to get home, eat my food, take a shower, go to bed within 30-40 minutes.
I am so burned out.
If she asks to play, at least 50% of the time I say yes because I of course love her and want to spend time with her and I know she needs that. But when I do, it adds even more exhaustion to my plate. I feel like I never have any time to myself - maybe a few hours on a Sunday. We always spend time on the weekends. I should mention that she's extremely needy and often it's like "What? We just went to the water park two days ago and had the whole day together!" I don't know what more to do. I feel like I can't make her happy. I can't make myself less exhausted. Can't make enough money. This economy sucks.
I keep praying, keep leaning on God, keep meditating, keep listening to scripture, read scripture with her, ... I dont know what more to do. I don't even know how i'm going to make it through this work week, honestly. I keep falling to my knees in prayer. God please pull me out of this or give me the wisdom to learn what you're trying to show me. Please pray. Sigh.
Be honest with her and take better care of yourself so you can be exhausted and still function. I promise it will pay off. The water park thing idk maybe depending on where you live you can spend time in nature. I have many regrets in life and the only ones that tear me up as I grow older is that I didn't do enough with my kids
I agree. Get out of the commercial world. Go fishing and hiking or garden on the weekend. Get grounded. Be rich in life not making the rich richer if that makes sense.
Let me tell you a story about a guy I know.
Growing up, his dad worked two jobs and wasn't around the house much. When he was around, he was grumpy and would yell a lot, or generally be unpleasant, or would be asleep. This was commonly blamed on him being exhausted from working two full-time jobs.
One month, this guy had a birthday. He turned eight. Before the end of that same month, he woke up, had a normal day at school, and then went home only to have his sister come down the driveway to meet him, sobbing. You see, that morning, he woke up without a father and didn't even know it. Before he woke up, his dad had gone to work his morning job but didn't make it because a woman killed him with her car.
This guy I know has different memories of his father than the rest of his family. He's told me that most of his memories are negative. He also has problems socializing, anger, and difficulty being a parent himself. As a result, he has unhappy feelings about his father and doesn't know how to deal with it. He told me that he grew up scared of other kid's dads. Today, he seems to have trouble accepting any sort of authority.
What I derive from this is that just spending twenty minutes playing with your girl, no matter how cranky or exhausted you feel will make a world of difference in her heart. Also, life is terribly short (unless you're this guy who says that his life isn't short enough), and your influence on your daughter will also be short. Even if you don't suffer an early death, kids have a way of drifting as they become teens, where her friendships will become more important to her. So influencing her now, and showing her your love now is important because tomorrow is not guaranteed.
In fact, on a recent excursion, my child was nearly hit by a car while we crossed a crosswalk because a woman wasn't watching the road. Today isn't guaranteed either.
Life comes at you fast.
Homer Simpson works his job knowing that he is there forever, but he does it because he loves Maggie so much. So though you're exhausted, you do it for her.
And, fortunately, this is probably not permanent. The only thing that is permanent is change. All things change.
One of my children is also needy. I've had to set boundaries. A boundary for you might be to play on two or three set nights a week. Make it special. Give it a label. And when those nights come around, remember to give it your all because you're building a real relationship with your daughter.
Your feelings about playing amid your exhaustion might not get easier, but the relationship you have with your girl will. A health boundary and loving attention from her father just may foster healthy growth and a strong relationship.
My dad was busy as hell trying g to feed us. What I remember the most were the Saturday couch potato moments watching Tarzan and the times he would sit me at the kitchen table for half an hour and just talk to me. He also slept on a cot in a tent all summer at a campground and went to work from there just so we could be at a lake all summer. Those times we sat around a campfire on Friday amd Saturday nights. He passed at 59 y.o.
Understand this is the life of many fathers that why there are two parents. One carries the financial burden and the other takes care of the young ones. They will survive with the time you have to give them. Take time for yourself and enjoy your time with her.
Praying for you, Fren. How old is your little one? Maybe find some less active things to do that she will enjoy that won’t demand as much from you. The other thing would be to consider how to get your income up so you just aren’t working as much to get by. I’d recommend 48 Days to Work You Love by Dan Miller to get career ideas and a boost to your confidence and faith.
Find a mutual interest that you might already be spending a little time in independently, and see if you can do it together. Or, try making memes together and watch the reactions you get.
Life is not for sissies! Most in your condition turn to drugs or alcohol and that just gives them more problems to overcome. I know for a fact that God can only work with someone that is broken and it seems to me you are about at that point. When times are good, we don't need God. That is why throughout scripture He brings people to a point where they have no where else to turn. Look at your situation from a different point of view. It is evident God is working with you and you are responding. Thank Him that He has found you worthy. So many others go through life on a down hill pull and never get to know Him. Many are called but few are chosen. Keep the faith and you will be rewarded. There are billions in worse shape than you.
What skills do you have that you can leverage into a significantly higher paying job?
What monthly costs can you cut significantly?
How much have you been extorted by your cell phone company? If you tell me you have an iphone, I'm going to go, OK well I have less sympathy for you then.
We have three and they wipe us out everyday. Read to her before bed. Find a chapter book and read one chapter each night before bed, and let that be that.
Does she have play dates with friends? Also, don’t be afraid to tell her no and you’re tired. Is she up in the morning before you? I get it though.. we are in the trenches with ours atm too.
Exhaustion and parenting certainly do go hand-in-hand. Two jobs on top of that? I can't imagine. I am praying for you and a solution (and rest).
Many nights my little girl wanted Mommy (me) to be with her. Honestly, I have fallen asleep in her bed with her more times than I can count. The safety and comfort a child must feel when Mom's arms are around her must be such a joy to them. I still to this day will snuggle with her as she falls asleep (she's 17 now). And sometimes you just have to say "Not tonight honey, I'm sorry."
Breathing, meditation, mindfulness yoga type and hold hands prays all these could still help u relax, give u energy, creating bonds and teach her self care at the same time that could last her lifetime … at least my dad know meditation and I wish he could have taught me that
On the surface, because I don't really know your situation....
Don't be afraid to hurt your daughter's feelings. I noticed with parents nowadays, everyone is afraid to hurt their kids' feelings and think it's their job is to make their kid happy. It's not really your job to make your kid happy. What's your job? To provide food and a safe environment. When a parent is constantly trying to make a kid happy, you are putting that burden on yourself, of course, but you're also not giving them the chance to learn to cope. It doesn't mean you're going to walk away callously while they're bawling their eyes out. It just means that when they're sad, you are going to hold them and tell them things will get better. Or be there for them when they're ready to be held.
I've noticed the parents who do this 'emotion monitoring' are raising very selfish children.
Just an opinion from a daycare provider that has watched families grow for the last eighteen years.
If your job will allow it maybe try to take your daughter to work with you one day so she will understand what you deal with during the day. Even just half a day and since school is almost out it may be a good time. As a business owner myself I would think that if you talked to your boss about it they would be ok with it depending on how safe it is for children to be at your job. Kids are smart and they do understand more than we realize.
If you consistently spend time with your child every week - on weekends, whatever your schedule is - that is what she will remember. Kids can be manipulative too. Take care of yourself, if that means you don't drop everything to play every day, that's life. If you drop dead from exhaustion, she never gets to play with you ever again. I agree with some other posts too. Doing something quiet where you can relax also would be great! Kicked back on couch reading a book would work too. Limit it to one or two books maybe between your dinner and bed. 10 minutes reading is doable
Snuggling and reading stories is easy and less exhausting than activities. Also, if her mother cooperates, you could record short messages on your phone (like 1 min.) to her, maybe something interesting in your day, or anything that would interest her ("I saw a bird singing, saw a pretty butterfly, read her nursery rhymes, etc.) and tell her you love her. That way, even though she won't be with you, you'll be with her throughout her day. And yes, we need our President back.
Sometimes, they just want time in your presence. Simple things like cuddling and bedtime stories will be remembered when they're older. :-) Taking 15 minutes to lay down with her and cuddle her to sleep can build that bond or working together to put away toys or straightening her room are things you can do right before bed that don't take long but if done consistently are things that build memories that she will look back on fondly.
If you schedule set times for some activites (calming ones of course), it will be something you can both look forward to and at the same time, creates boundaries/expectations and a set routine. My daughter and grandchild live with me now (thanks to Bidenomics) and we have a schedule on the wall for him to look at and know what is coming next - whether it's time for chores, homework, dinner, bath and bedtime. We found that he thrives when knows what the set routine is. The routine is suspended on the weekends, allowing time for spontaneous walks, bike rides or other random activities.
Do you have any IT skills? Even beginning IT is much better paying than more than half the jobs out there, but it requires work. You can get an IT certification very fast and basically beg for an entry position, as long as you are under 40. The IT industry is AGEIST (maybe all are?), and they shade, backbite, collude against and oppress/suppress those over 40, even if they are 10x the IT expert as the young people. (I know this by firsthand experience)
Entry Nursing however pays even better and it doesn't require even 1/3 of the brainpower that IT has you use. And you can be old. There may be a weekend way to do nursing, but it will take a long time and that cuts into your kids time even more.
Maybe you can get a partner in a similar situation and share expenses. Doesn't have to be romantic, can be friends
You could do entry IT for a couple of years and if you like it stay, but if you don't the you will have greatly freed up time to study nursing and go into that (while still having time for your child). You won't be outsourcing nursing for a very long time, but IT you might. It's already happening with AI.
Arrange to leave work earlier on some days. Cut your expenditure. Everyone pays for things they don't need, such as TV.
My grandmother raised me, taught me to read, tie my shoes... I don't hold it against my dad for working night shift after my mom left, he was doing what he had to. Later on he turned into a drunk and I do blame him on that one. Take classes, look for a better job, join the military, move home to get help from family... nobody's going to improve your situation except you.
As long as she knows you love her, it will be all right.
What great advice. One of the reasons I love this board.