My son is quite the musician. Plays drums, tenor sax, bass and a little Guitar and keys.He’s working with on his vocals. He’s 15 and a freshman in his school band. This year, he composed 2 songs to be played at the winter and spring concerts. The winter song never got approval to be played by the band conductor. My frustration begins because other students were allowed to perform very under rehearsed pieces that they didn’t compose in their own and they turned out terrible during performance for whatever reason. I feel bad for the students but the band director let them Put themselves in that situation. But also did not approve my son to perform his song for some unknown reason?
Fast forward to this spring. My son has worked very hard on a new song for 6 months. 17 instruments. Finds 17 members to play his song and rehearse it several times. He makes modifications in response to her critique. HES A FRESHMAN.
Concert night arrives and he’s approved to perform the song with his group by seemingly a bet small Margin of approval by the band director. She introduces the song, reprimanding him in front of a Full audience that she doesn’t like his intro as a conductor to the song. He in turn Introduces his very serious song with a joke and the beginning is sort of spoken over for a minute before people Catch on that the song has started.
So 2 nights later is the annual band banquet awards. She gives out approximately 30 awards. No recognition for my son, a freshman who composed his own song, got a group of approximately 17 people to perform his original composition and the performance sounded very much like the AI score that he composed. I’m so proud of him and I’m so disappointed in his band director for failing to recognize the enormous effort and leadership that required on my son’s part. Am I wrong?
Envy. Teacher wasn’t as good as your son at that age. It’s a compliment.
Sounds like a case of "your son is making the whole class look like idiots, shoo, go away with your talent, leave us to mediocrity" and if he's white, that probably compounds the matter. I'd say just to encourage him to keep honing his craft regardless of her stupid class. He doesn't even need her.
*and of course don't let that get his ego inflated... just because he shines among a room full of mud doesn't mean he's the only diamond!
So find a way to encourage him without instilling a sense of "you're just so much better than that class the teacher is being a hater" kek. Pride comes before a fall...
A brilliant prodigy like your son will always find jealous scoffers. Serve the Lord with gladness; enter HIS courts with Thanksgiving and assure your son that if he does everything he can to serve God, the right blessings will find him. I'm the sister of a US Marine Trumpeter who was so gifted he never seemed to find joy. My brother was gifted a Bach Stradavarius silver trumpet at 15 years old. He was loved by those who would party hard and hated by others for no reason and although he said he didn't care, I knew it bothered him. I don't know why it hurts so bad to be creative and giving yet tossed to the side; when we try so hard to please yet are shunned. All I do know is that we are bought with a price and the gifts we have been given are also given with all the others around us good at sports, academia, etc., learning early to exhibit a love for the Creator instead of the creation can make all the difference later in life. Just my 2 cents worth. My Bubba took his life last fall. He was 60.
I’m so very sorry for you tragic loss. That is beyond awful. My prayers are with you.
Dear Ann Landers . . . .
Speaking as a part-time musician myself, I would tell your son that expecting adulation for his music is futile. It will either come or it won't, people know what they like and will respond accordingly. Often when I play at some gathering, my group ends up as "background ambiance"... they barely hear us over their incessant chatter. ESPECIALLY if alcohol is being served.
So I've learned to play just for my own enjoyment, and that's enough for me.
This is the musician's way. 👍
Another musician friend of mine, an old time fiddler, says "Become a musician, you'll earn tens of dollars."
Makes me feel uneasy like, maybe she is rewarding other students based on their attentiveness and agreeance to her instead of their natural talents as a leader, original thinker, organizer and abilities. SAD. GOOD thing, high school is NOTHING but, a bubble that, everyone gets to burst out of at around 18 then, branch off and follow the paths they are most passionate about. He needs to hold on a couple more years and encourage him to do well in all his classes, get some business learning in too, could help a lot if, when he finishes high school he will have a better understanding on how to get his talents out there and working for him.
Thank you so much! This really means a lot!
Yes and no.
No you're not wrong, because the teacher should help every student advance their studies, and it seems this teacher smothers your son's talents instead of developing them.
And yes, you're overreacting, because I guarantee you don't know the entire story. Think about a high school basketball coach with 20 average kids plus a high school Shaquille O'Neill. Even the best coach would have a challenge coaching everyone equally, and Young Shaq might deserve far more attention than he gets, and all the average kids are in danger of being demotivated by comparison or simple lack of attention. What's a coach to do? There's lots of answers but none that are perfect for everyone. No teacher and no school has as an infinite range or infinite time for everyone.
And school is about lessons. Just like bad bosses and bad colleagues, your son will eventually have to deal with stupid people further up the chain. Use this as a lesson for him to overcome. He has alternatives: he can form a club or get local gigs. Every once in a while I see high school kids playing violin or even a quartet at tourist spots. If the place is busy it's good money and better than a typical teenage job. And a valuable lesson either way.
Also, if this looks like a situation that might be frustrating long term, set up an appointment with the teacher. For all you know, the teacher's apparent punishment and sadism covers the heart of a Mr Miyagi doling out painful lessons that will pay off later. Karate Kid's wax on / wax off was torture but time and perspective made it valuable. OK, that might be optimistic, but you can't go wrong with at least hearing the teacher's perspective, and you'll get a fuller picture.
Good luck, and congrats on having such a talented son. He'll do fine.
Thank you for your perspective!
I love this advice. Very wise and true.
From a punk rock perspective, I would be proud of my kiddo for standing up to the system! Who needs their recognition anyway?
So I say good for him for standing up for his art!
Fuck yeah!
You bet fren. Sounds (music pun intended) like you've raised some talented and brave children!
All the same, even when fighting for your convictions in most cases it shouldnt even be a battle in the first place. Authoritarians (even teachers obviously) will always attempt to crush those they disagree with. Never give 'em an inch!
Don’t get too hung up on the ‘high school’ scene. Easier said than done, I know.
Make sure you (and he) are setting him up for success further down the road and place some importance on that. Try to build connections for his talent outside the ‘political’ HS realm if possible. Get in touch with local musicians or outside organizations - run them in parallel w/ HS activities. Advanced lessons from a ‘pro’ if time and budget allow. If not - consider having him do some volunteer work for an outside mentor in exchange. I know this is general, but just some thoughts to get you thinking outside of the current framework. Best of luck and keep encouraging!
Speaking as a former band director:
I would encourage your son to continue to distinguish himself, enjoy everything the experience has to offer (which he will see correctly with your help), and not get bruised over it (goes for you as well). HS band is a stepping stone to a potential future and there are many paths to choose later on.
Thanks for the advice fren!
I dont think there is a deep mystery here. The teacher probably knows that your son is a Trump supporter, or at the very least that he is not woke.
It is very important that you let your son understand that this lack of recognition from people like this not an indication of anything, and that he has real talent - not just musical, but also organizational and leadership qualities.
He has a bright future and congrats for raising such an amazing son!
You know what, I don’t think I can take much credit for who he is as a person. From the moment he was born he has been a very special kind of person, joyful and loving, kind. Cici’s sort of broke him but he’s finding his way back to himself through his music. I am very proud of him yet I’m also careful because I was sort of the same and was heartbroken by the meanness of this world at a young age.
I just want to thank everyone for their encouragement! It means a lot!
When life hands you jealous asswipes... Just go around them & keep moving forward!
Start doing "demo videos" of him playing. Get them up on YT, tiktok, IG, twitch or whatever other platform he likes. Keep that "free" exposure going.
If he's as talented as you say, the world will share his work with friends - as excellence and exceptional performances are impossible to keep hidden for long...
I don't know what the ultimate goal is here - but THAT should be determined before proceeding to make sure your conscious enough to steer things in the best direction. Fame isn't all it's cracked up to be... I'm personally glad to not be in that world anymore...
Once the real world creates a buzz, it will "circle back" to the pea brained music teacher from the outside and that ding dong will want to ride your kid's fame as if he was their protege. ALL POS non-contributing ZEROS do this crap... and next thing you know, he'll be tapped to be in every play, concert and rickets festival the school performs. EVERYBODY in a perceived position of power in that school is small potatoes... I'm not sure it's healthy to tell your son that just yet... but that's the reality.
*He may enjoy Kitaro, a 17 piece Japanese band. The Mandala Album is probably the most well known.
u/#pepeguitar
You need to get your son the encouragement he needs from another source.
I don't know if this still exists (it should -- I can't imagine any organization.that large closing down...)
Anyway...when my brother was your son's age -- he played sax, clarinet, and guitar. Through the music place he took lessons at -- they were entered into a once a year regional juried competition. It was for solos (usually a performance of a classical piece). There was also a group competition for "bands".
As I recall the scores were submitted to the jury ahead of time. Theorectically, you weren't supposed to deviate from it but one year my brother felt the piece they were assigned was so poorly arranged that they hadn't a prayer of winning anyway -- so during the performance he let loose with an unscored clarinet solo. His band ended up taking the 1st place medal. So there must be a mechanism to allow for creativity built into this competition.
This was a big music convention lasting several days of competition once a year. I don't recall the name of it. It was his life and not mine so I imagine he might remember.
You might call some music schools in your area to ask if they know what I'm talking about. They don't have.to be big and fancy. My brother took his lessons at the neighborhood music school.
Anyway -- you son needs to be juried by real musicians and not a high school teacher.
Congrats to your son and his talent fren, it’s great he found his talent early on, some never do. He shouldn’t let his band teacher discourage him, he could have her job soon.
That is his goal but I think that is shortsighted. I would like him to get a job in the industry, perhaps sound engineering. That way he’s in the mix and can make connections, but he’s leaning towards being a school band conductor. We shall see what he decides.
Musician here. I've been playing for 62 years and still perform with 4 bands. Did you say he used AI to write the score? If so that is considered cheating because anyone can do that.
He used musicscore to write the various parts of the score
I hate to be “that guy”, but is this a public school? Genius has NO business being in institutionalized mediocrity. Pull him, homeschool him, and find him a music tutor that will help him truly unlock his potential.
I would distance myself from that teacher. HS humiliation can ruin a career. Instead he should expose his talents elsewhere. Participate in church or charity events. How about pop up events at malls or local parades. Festivals, street markets. You may never know who is in the crowd and recognizes his talents.
Ah no! Sounds like the teacher was being a biased id10t.
Band Directors today are pretty rotten...they completely failed my Son, who can't play a lick on his chosen instrument, whereas I haven't played saxophone in 33 years and still remember every nuance...