I’m sorry i don’t mean to meander about my personal problems here. I know it’s not the place for that. But i just don't know where else to turn. I found out my significant other has been cheating for two years. I threw him out and am leaving but i feel like i have Stockholm syndrome and feel like I’m the one ending it by leaving. He hasn’t expressed wanting to fix things, only says he isn’t sure what he wants and knows I won’t get over it and doesn't want to live miserable forever. He’s been verbally abusive and sometimes physically as well. Im just so lost and hurt. I feel like its somehow my fault, and even though I know I should leave am finding it difficult to let go. If you all can keep me in your prayers, that would mean the world to me. Thanks in advance, I cant see from the tears so I’ll just say wwg1wga.
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Honey, if he is not loyal or respectful to you, then you have no business staying. From the sounds of it he does not want to try and save it. Find yourself a good man who values you and Christ.
But until then work on learning to love yourself. You deserve better even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes. I will pray for you and wish you the best.
I’m sorry, fren. Sending you a hug!
It is wonderful to experience the joy of the mountain tops, but nothing grows up there....
True growth is in the valleys between the mountain tops...
Matthew 10:29-31
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
I’m glad that you found out. Sounds like you have a narcissistic sociopath on your hands. Go onto the Internet, YouTube whatever, and there are some really good people who carry that contact. Watch the videos, educate yourself, and make sure that you don’t get involved with somebody like this ever again. Thanks Jesus, get on your knees and thank Jesus for taking this person out of your life. If you’re not destroyed already, he would’ve done it 10 times worse. I’ve had to read myself from two people in my life, that were the same way. Well minus the physical abuse. But the mental abuse is worse. Sever all ties! Sever all ties! Move on. Watch some videos and educate yourself. I will pray for you!
Praying for you to find yourself again. Also check out Richard Grannon. Might be relevant but be aware its general advice and dont get caught in victim hood or adicted to self gelp.
It is not your fault. He is broken. Take a life guarding class; they teach you to kick away someone that is in panic mode. They will pull you under with them. Kick them away.
Take some time to reset. You will feel better. (You can’t fix some one else)
First off it's not your fault. Been in your shoes. Your spouse is WEAK. Leave and don't look back. Praying for you. There is a better life waiting for you. PRAYERS
This relationship is not what God wants for you but you must, because He honors free will, say the words in prayer that you desire His help in being free from this very negative destructive relationship. The allegiance to a human being, is to yourself, not this man. Anything that lowers your self esteem is of darkness. Escape it as soon as you can.
Good riddance - he doesn't deserve you. Prayers for you
I was in the same situation as you, 6 years ago. I thought my life was over, my ex cheated, verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. I didn't understand, and couldn't see that I was married to a full blown narcissist. I remember our break up and divorce left me feeling like I had been hit by a train, it was the hardest time in my life. I lost half of everything. The home I worked so hard for, for my kids.. I cursed God for letting this happen, I was soo mad at him.. now I'm re married to the sweetest women I have ever met, even though I foolishly blamed God, he literally sent me an angel. I have the most respectful, loving relationship of anyone I know. Sometimes it's hard to see how something soo negative can become something greater than you could ever imagine, especially when you are stuck in the thick of it hurting tremendously. Forgiveness was something I never thought I could afford to my ex, but it sure comes easy every day I see the women who truly loves me as I am for who I am. Time was the only thing that brought me any comfort, and it was painful, hopeless, exhausting and sometimes debilitating. Hold on, some days will feel like a week, and some weeks will feel like a month. You will heal, though it will take time, and one day, out of nowhere when you least expect it, you will find that someone who will show what it really means to be loved.
What I couldn't see when I was in your shoes, was what God was about to send me, to drastically change my life for the better. Stay strong! your miracle will happen when you least expect it. Will pray for you sister.
Find yourself a good man who values you and Christ. I am sorry . Pray God bless you.
Now you can find your true soul mate. Don't settle!!!!!
First off, kick his ass to the curb and don't look back! You don't deserve to be treated the way he treated you. Get rid of anything of his, so you don't have any reminders hanging around. Pick yourself up and do your own thing. Find things that make YOU happy and go do it!
I'd suggest signing up for some kickboxing, jiu jitsu, or any type of self defense classes. For one it will help you forget him and burn off any fear he has over you, and 2nd it will empower you to be your own person without the "need" to have a man in your life. It will help you feel less helpless and be more sure in yourself. And eventually you will find someone that is good for you, who will treat you like you deserve to be treated, with respect and love.
It never works if you stay in a physically abusive situation, IMHO. I watched my Mom (and all of us kids) try to fix it. I pray you can stay away, and that God brings you something far better.
The stresses of covid + lockdowns + vax have been horrible for relationships, and I'm sure that has been part of the intent behind it. Ruining not just work, townships and communities but tearing lives asunder of even people who have stayed healthy.
Stay strong, take some time out if you are feeling adrift and alone and do whatever it is that has always been a rejuvenating and healing experience for you in the past.. whether thats walking the dog in the sun, spending time in nature, listening to music or having a trip away to take in a different set of scenery for a couple of days.
Love you, get better and come back to us since we arent going anywhere!
Pay attention to all of these responses. These are complete strangers telling you how awesome you are.
Today is a great day to start over. Much love.
Although very tough now, it gets easier! Here, we don't allow ANY entity abuse us anymore! Spouses, governments, school boards! Those qualities DO make you a patriot!!!
More Power to You for throwing him out! Change the locks and don't see him under any circumstances without a counselor / lawyer present. If the place holds bad memories for you, just sell it and move on. Praying for wisdom and strength.
Praying for you.
Am thinking many will experience "strings cut" before all this is done. Difficult times mentally. This board helps. Prayer and time with God helps. The stories shared of courage here helps.
Cheating hurts. TRUTH and INTEGRITY heals. I pray you are blessed with an honest relationship soon.
Praying for you.
Verbal abuse leads to physical abuse. Slaps evolve into broken bones and more often than not, finally death. Be strong, feel empowered and remove yourself from this toxic relationship. You are NOT at fault. The problem lies with your partner's determination to control you. By cheating he has disrespected you. You deserve better.
Find a bath. Fill it with hot water, few sprigs of rosemary, Epsom salts, lavender. Bring your tipple (weed, cuppa, vino), towels heating on the radiator. And cry, waaa! Think of it this way - you must have done something right to be given this opportunity of time with your self.
Just wanted to send you some hugs and prayers. Hang in there, you're doing the right thing. You deserve someone who cherishes you, not a cheater and abuser. You know this in your heart.
Praying for strength for you. Get out and try not to look back.
I was with a girl for almost 5 years that I found out was cheating on me. Caught me off guard and really messed me up for a while. I THANK GOD for going through this now because I would not have met wife or have the life I've been blessed with.
I've been happily married for 15 years now with 2 children and could not be happier. Oddly enough if I ever saw my ex again I would shake her hand and thank her for what she did lol.
I personally have no time for men who let the side down like this. They give my gender a bad name. Kick him to the curb, delete and block his number, and warn other women this dude ain't relationship material.
You deserve far greater than some asshat like this. And don't say you wont get over him. It will take time, but things will be far better if you don't comply to an abusive relationship.
Well said
Prayers and a recommendation .... 'Women Who Love Too Much' series by Robin Norwood was VERY helpful to me. Remember, trust needs to be earned, you can't change others, and in no way are you responsible for the choices he made. Focus on you and taking back your power and control of your life. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
It's an unhealthy relationship.
Stop thinking about fault. It doesn't matter who's fault it is. What matters is that you take the appropriate action in the present circumstances.
End it now. For good. Move away if you have to. If he's abusing you he will abuse your children.
It’s awful. What a horrible shock.
You are the one ending “it”. But “it” is ending the disrespect dishonesty, and cowardliness he has shown you.
I hope you don't yet have children with this person. It will be hard to keep the strength you found in this moment. Verbal abuse can wear you down, but physical abuse too? And now this?
Lean into a support system, if you have one. Church, prayer, a good therapist, and only family or friends that really love you and support you, not ones who want to blame you and take pleasure in your devastation.
Look into your past and confront the reasons why you accepted this treatment from him. It’s a hard process, and hard to break, but you can do it.
He is too much of a coward to break up with you. He’s blaming you for not being able to “get over it!” What a pussy and a piece of trash.
Believe that you deserve better. Believe you are worth it. Even if you don’t believe it yet...keep telling yourself that. A mantra. “I am a good person, I deserve love, I am strong.”
Get out and heal yourself and be the person you want to be with. Love yourself first.
My friend, I have been in your shoes and I know exactly how you feel. I'm amazed he didn't try to blame it all on you. Most of the time that is what they do. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Mine started taking a shower, getting dressed nicely and wearing cologne when he got off work just to go have a "beer" with the guys. That was so unlike him as most guys would simply stop off straight from work to grab a beer without worrying what they looked and smelled like.
Then he started not wanting to touch me or even let me touch him; which I found to be not normal as we often hugged each other or kissed in passing each other in the house. That's when I started noticing that something just wasn't quite right. Funny how most all your friends know before you do. The woman is usually the last one to know.
I will state that if he is verbally and physically abusive, YOU do NOT deserve that. The Lord did NOT put you on this earth to be abused or mistreated. You are a Child of God. And God has not forsaken you. I know your heart is broken. I know you can't sleep or eat. I know your mind is filled with nothing but thoughts of "what happened." But if you pray, and you continually pray to God to help you with this, whether you want him back or you simply want to let him go and find the man God has chosen for you, PRAY. Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to those who are brokenhearted; he saves the contrite in spirit.
I prayed continually for mine to return and I have a wonderful testimony about it that will send chills down your spine; all because I PRAYED FOR FAITH. But this is not about me; it is about you. I pray that you will find the strength, courage and willpower to do what you have to do in this situation. I pray that you continue to follow the Lord and pray to him for guidance. And I pray that if you do not attend a church; find one that you fit in with and meet others who will help you through. Keep yourself busy and try not to dwell on it. I know that's easier said than done. And a friend of mine told me something once that holds true, "A MAN ALWAYS WANTS, WHAT HE KNOWS HE CAN'T HAVE." They always want the other woman until they realize that the woman they loved before acts as if she no longer wants them. This actually works 90% of the time, but it is up to you whether you want to do this or not.
But my best advice is to Pray, follow the Lord and do what he asked you to do. He will not steer you wrong. He has a mate picked out for you, and you will know it for sure when the time comes. I hope this helps you and I will be praying for you my friend. I know you are hurting. God bless you and if you need someone to talk to or pray with you at certain times, if I'm on here, seek me out and I will personally pray for you on a private post. God bless you again my friend.
An abusive relationship is a true test to your own strength of character. Stay strong and remember you are loved.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and all your mind. He will deliver you from this unto things that are far better than what you have now. I pray for His Will to be done and for you to be made whole from it. Amen.