Frens,
Something occurred to me this past weekend: I have been existing, and not living. I wanted to share this with you because perhaps many of you are feeling the same way. For me, I am able to problem solve and move forward when I identify the source of the problem, articulate it, and then address it, so maybe this will be useful for you to know that you’re not alone.
So first, here’s an explanation of the problem I pinpointed for myself over the weekend.
Timing is at the root of all of what I am explaining. It’s like watching a bag of ice that you buy from the store slowly melt outside. Let’s say there’s a small hole in the bottom of the bag. At first there is no dripping, but the ice is melting. Then the first drip falls from the hole. That single drip represents the collective melting of every ice cube in the bag, so it’s really not much of a change for any one cube. Thus, the cubes don’t know they’re melting. They’re like frogs slowly boiling in water (I know, what an odd metaphor to mix with the current one!) And then another drip falls. Slowly the dripping accelerates as the day gets hotter. But still the ice cubes don’t really recognize that they are melting because they’re all melting the same way.
Even though we are one of the cubes, we also have the perspective of being outside the melting bag of ice. We saw it before the first drip. We knew the bag would melt. We have had the blessing of foresight (perhaps because of how you’re wired, or maybe directly because of Q, or both) and although it is a blessing, it’s also a hardship. We have to endure the dripping at such a slow pace… until there is a flood and the people (the cubes) start waking up. When you know the end, but you have to wait for the overwhelming majority of others to get there… wow… that’s quite a test of faith, commitment, endurance, etc. (And there are Anons who were Anons before there were Anons!! Those who were awake for decades before Q hit the Board—imagine their journey!!!)
We have faith in God and we trust the Plan, and we have a sense of the necessary trajectory and the joy that is on the other side of the storm we are in. Yet, getting there is a slow process. We are told to grab some popcorn and watch the movie—but for many of us, the reality of this trajectory towards a precipice is that there is real hardship and suffering. Yet we embrace that because we know it had to be this way. The thing is, on this trajectory towards the precipice we have to be constantly aware and prepared, as well as remain in red-pilling mode when we can. That takes a lot of energy and investment of time. This is a one-two punch that often leaves no room for other types of thoughts or activities… you know, like the thing you’d plan and do before you were awake and that are still good things to do with your life. Being out of balance like this is the result of the problem, which is exactly this:
…Losing a sense of perspective and falling into the trap of waiting for the precipice.
But how did I lose my perspective? How did I forget to live while at the same time being the vigilant patriot I’m supposed to be? Easy… it just happened, because I’m human. And the result is that I have felt immobilized. In other words, I have been so invested in being watchful and trying to red-pill others that I have become a different person—too cautious, always planning for the worst, etc. “Normal” life seems not to exist, or at best it enters my consciousness and I think “Why bother? We aren’t at the precipice, yet, so it would be a waste of time or investment to do this or that.”
And THAT is dangerous thinking. My healthy Self knows that I am out of balance… and the result is a low-grade depression. Stepping away and taking a break from it all is NOT the answer… that’s just a temporary fix. And leaving this altogether behind is not an option, either. So, somewhere between lies the answer.
What I realized this past weekend is that I have been stuck in a mode where I feel like I am watching the slow motion train wreck (yes, switched metaphors again) to bring us to the precipice, and despite knowing the end, I still feel a natural reaction to the negative trajectory… in other words, as I mentioned above I have a low-grade depression rooted in the thought of “Why bother?” about anything and everything. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming and I think things like, Why bother mowing the lawn, or washing the car, or starting a new service offering for my business, or planning an adventure, etc.?
And yet sometimes I fight back… I think, this does not define me! Something is not right, and I can fix my attitude. I attempt various things. I take a break. But that never lasts long… because I had not yet pinpointed the conflict in my being: The opposing sides of watching a train wreck in slow motion and thus being in a constant state of watchfulness and risk mitigation, and living my life as if I am unaware of the train wreck and thus free to rise to my God-given potential. These opposing forces were paralyzing. So, having pinpointed this conflict over weekend, I can do something about it, and sustain my efforts.
So, I thought I would explain this because maybe it might assist some Frens who have been struggling with the same type of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual challenge. Yes, I have strong faith. Yes, I know God wins. Yes, I know we are winning and that the Plan is proceeding. But… I am not the type to just grab popcorn, so to speak, and hang out. And I have to be more than just a vigilant red-pilling patriot. So, my new mantra is: “Discern the Balance, and Be.” Be what? Be the best I can be on both sides of the equation, both sides that need to be balanced. I must consciously choose to give time to both—and have something on my calendar every Friday, or perhaps more often, that simply says, “Discern the Balance, and Be” as a reminder to do that.
I can already feel the mental confines lifting. I can already feel the hope and excitement about everyday living flood back into me. I wasn’t totally dead to the world… but I was different, but now I am going back to the person I was before I had lost my sense of balance. I hope you can give this some thought and prayer, and find your balance, too, if you’ve been experiencing listlessness, or depression, or purposelessness, or all of these.
Good luck. Have faith. And if it helps, write a comment about your journey because doing so helps you process, and helps others process, too.
What a great post and I can certainly relate to this. I'm an older anon, partially awake since at latest the downing of the WTC buildings, skeptical of the narratives all my life and, just since discovering GAW in late 2020, awake about the more heinous/satanic aspects of life. Having a perspective of an older person who has lived through and noted many societal changes and historical events over the years and decades, of having been able to spend time with grandparents and other elderly people even from a small child, with many conversations about how life was for them over the years, really contributes to being able to rise to the 50K heights and look at the progression through time. Stepping out of the trees to look at the forest
That said, when I first discovered GAW I dug into hundreds of rabbit holes pretty deep and fast, little sleep (and still too little nearly three years later) and within a couple-few weeks had a solid grounding here. It was horrific. Out in the world I remember initially I would be in a store wanting to exclaim to strangers that they need to wake up and see what's going on, but deep down you know it would not be received well or taken seriously. I'd be in my car looking at the passengers in the next vehicle and thinking that they're in their own little world, "blissfully" ignorant to the evil gearing up to swallow up all that's good here, all that's from God.
It's hard, really hard, to be a witness to such evil and depravity, but I wouldn't trade it for ignorance. Now I'm just exhausted, borderline terrified that so many people I love will succumb to injury or worse from the jabs or even other drugs they've taken over the years. I keep having to remind myself that God is in control and to put all my worries in His hands, but it's difficult. Getting outside does help my mood and I thank God daily for all that's good in this world, all that's good in my life, any talents I have, my history (especially my blessed parents, rest their souls, grandparents, those who came before) and more. Without God, I honestly don't think I could bear this.
The best way I can describe this is that, between the awakened and others, we live on the same planet, but in different worlds, like a different plane of existence or different "dimension", so to speak. We who are aware are walking in multiple worlds at the same time. We make smalltalk with the grocery clerk or people we meet and interact with during the course of our days, chat with dear friends or family members (now with certain topics off-limits) and try to keep some "normalcy" (whatever that means anymore), trying not to react with frustration or anger, but gleaning any amount of joy from the inner beauty of people struggling to get through life as we're all assaulted by one demonic attack after another. And we occasionally get the opportunity to plant seeds.
Personal motivation is so hard and I do feel sapped of all strength at times, but I try to remind myself that we're the lucky ones, the blessed ones. What we're going through, while daunting in it's own right, is not nearly as bad as what many others, past and present, have endured and are enduring. The human spirit, praise be to God, is extremely resilient. The beasts have been trying to kill us off for centuries and still we rise again and again. A sense of personal balance is crucial and I'm working on getting that back in my life.
Thank you, OP, for the thoughtful, thought-provoking post.
Thanks for making your post! I really appreciate the notion of a different dimension. We're all alone in this, but we're all together in our loneliness. Sometimes it comes down to a matter of perspective, and we are filled with God's grace when the idea of perspective even crosses our mind... so that we are mindful of the plight of others--that gives us renewed energy to continue the fight.
John 17:16 relaying the words Jesus spoke of his followers. "They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world."
https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/John-17-16/
It ONLY and ALWAYS comes down to matter of perspective.
Your experience mirrors my own, almost exactly. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone on this journey, and that others are facing similar challenges. Thank you for posting.
Sure. I like the introspective posts like OP's here. It was certainly a rude awakening being exposed to this evil underbelly of a world and always good to think back to how you've grown and how your perspective has changed over time. In retrospect it's also been a Great Awakening and a truly fascinating (though not easy) part of our overall, personal and group, journey thus far. The encouragement given by u/changeagent to find that balance again after your foundation has been knocked off-kilter is generous in spirit and indicative of the kind of supportive attitude that many/most on here have. We'll get through this, CaptBobbles. Godspeed.
I had been away a couple of days, dealing with a serious family issue - reading your comment now could not have been more timely in its encouragement. The good will, kindness, and support generated on this site is truly a blessing. Thanks again, fren, and may God’s blessing shine upon you.
... and upon you. 🙏✝️✨
When you find yourself at a red light, thinking that you know the first thing about other people's inner state of mind, or assume they are ignorant, and blissfully so and you draw any sort of comparison to yourself and have pity either for yourself or the person you are mind reading brother, you are lost and have got the wrong idea about what's really goin down.
I very much doubt he was referring to the 'other' person as an individual, more a representative of the millions of people who are still yet to wake up.
If that wasn't the case, we would be further along than we are, so I believe his observations are valid. Perhaps you might have over-read into it?
Yes, I experience the out of balance state.
We anons know there is the war of all wars going on right now and we have anxiety because of it.
I suspect somebody living in an active war zone has the same type of stress because their personal future is so uncertain and they take life a day at a time. They probably don't make concrete plans for the future.
We can't talk about this war with our friends and families. While life is becoming ever more stressful for them, they simply do not have the excessive vigilance that we do. They don't see the war. For now we bear the burden alone.
When somebody tries to talk to me about everyday things, I sometimes find myself zoning out, there is not space in my head for it any more, I am in a different world from them.
It's a tough road, and loneliness is something we all feel. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Odd thing for some of us, we both love and hate being alone. It is something that is both appreciated in respect to many facets of life, yet viewed through a melancholy lens.
You're not alone and look at where we are. A positively aligned position & place.
Oh yeah. Surrounded by our loved ones, and walking with JC? Very lonely.
I don't want to be around the NPCs, but it would be nice to get invited to their stupid shit once in a while.
No doubt.
The worst war of all time and as soldiers we do get some anxiety from time to time. Kek
Holy crap did I need to read this today. Both my husband and I aren't anywhere close to the same people we used to be - barely holding it together, looking at everything as the puzzle it is, etc., etc. I too would rather be red-pilled that asleep, but it's a heavy burden to bear. Remembering to actually LIVE our lives is the only thing that works, but it's also a constant effort now where it used to be automatic. Guess that's the price we pay, huh? Regardless, thanks for posting and being so raw and real. It's good to know we're not alone in feeling so alone. ;)
I am glad for you both. I am the same with my wife. We are on an island... but, slowly our shore is expanding rather than shrinking as more people become aware of what's going on. We see our role as sometimes including helping them transition to the shore of the island after being tumbled in by the surf.
Hope you live this weekend... do something creative... something fun. I'm planning something right now, as a matter of fact : )
YES, so funny you mention something creative! I haven't painted in over a year and a half and finally dug out my paints and brushes earlier this week and was "called" (the only way I can put it) to buy two huge canvases. Evidently, I'm painting this weekend. LOL! Can't wait to see what turns up. Hope ya'll have some fun too!
Let us know what you paint. That is exciting. I feel that many of us needed this post.
Me also! I used to be a good singer - read music, could sing melody or harmony. Had a “pretty” voice. But life took over and I went a different direction than music. But was “led” to get back to the piano and start doing vocalizes again to get my voice back in shape.
Maybe if I continue I’ll ask to join the worship choir at church?
All I can say is that I REALLY needed this post! I have felt all of this and sometimes feel like I am going insane. I do always come back to God.
I am glad. We are all about paying forward.
I have been through the Exact same thing, you just articulated it so very well. Just recently have I come back to not being so Burdened with helplessness. I feel like a huge veil has just lifted off of me and I am back to my regular Red Whit and Blue Patriot Self. I can not explain how or why, but just as you explained, I have been through that whole cycle.
I am REALLY happy for you! Together we carry on.
I haven't experienced any depression or anxiety and I haven't put off doing things. However, I've so far avoided travelling off the island and I've experienced some impatience. But I'm aware that a lot is happening, ostly out of sight, and I'm frustrated that I can't do much to help things along, apart from posting here, researching, and helping those less able in my local area and, occasionally, here.
My wife tolerates my "mental absence" as I spend hours at the computer each day and we have little to discuss, since she simply doesn't understand what's happening and doesn't want me to tell her because she's prone to panic attacks.
I do go out for a lunchtime coffee and chat most days and force myself to listen to small talk. But usually I avoid commenting because it triggers people. And it's not just "conspiracies" - I know a lot about health and I have friends with serious diabetes who continually eat the wrong things; I have to bite my tongue and let them slowly kill themselves. There's also those friends who took the jab and are now suffering the consequences. I can't say anything. Even suggesting nattokinase would be met with snarls or looks of disbelief.
Frustrating, but I hope there's some sort of conclusion before my body dies. I'm retired, 72 years old and in good health but, at my age, that could change in an instant.
I really appreciate your post. Thanks for taking the time to share your insights.
Hey anon, i'm a bit older, not too old, but to give you an idea, i owned an Atari 2600. I woke up between the gulf war & ''i did not have sexual relations with that woman', and was fully awake by the end of the last century.
You're right, this kind of thing is NOT for everyone. I can relate to what you said back then when i was waking up, and getting stuck in a bad loop can be a real drag, and serious danger we all need to be aware of. It was so difficult back then, and looking back, it's hard to believe i stuck with it, but i really had no other choice, because that's what i was called to do. During the last 25 years i died to the world, found God, took on massive powers, learned all the balance i needed to succeed, and even become an ultra troll to the trolls (their biggest troll ever times a million and they hate me and i love that because it's so much fun to checkmate them with their own stupidity - such a fun pasttime). I'll be honest though, around 2015 i was really doubting, and starting to think maybe i was just delusional, because i was 20 years in and still nothing was happening. But then in 2016 i was put back into standby mode by God after the election, and then the next thing, suddenly i heard you anons were finally waking up, and i became active, and knew it was time to get to work i was called to do, and dedicate the rest of my life to helping you anons win. i am so happy because of you anons now, not only because I absolutely love working with you excelent anons, but because you guys proved that calling was true!
I still do what i need to do, I work at a job that i'm excellent at and can get done quick so i have time to help you anons (don't tell my boss because he'll want more and i will have to help you less). But you're right, balance is a key thing to have in life. I work, i eat, i go outside, i focus on hobbies and things i enjoy, or want to learn too. But i also have 2-3 yearly 'checks' where i sit back and reflect on my direction, my health, my wellbeing, and then make small adjustments. This started one year with a successful new years resolution, which lead to another years resolution, and so on, until i thought "why bother adjusting on new years when i can do this during a planned break/vacation?" So now 2-3 times a year i'm tuning myself up again and improving my process and getting sharper, stronger, and better. I can look back each year at my life and see continual improvement and progression as i manage my life.
It's so great to see how much stronger you all are, together, as a group, waking up to what we now are aware of. But remember this, even though i'm still a long ways along, you anons don't have to tread that ugly and messed up path i had to slowly poke through for 25 years, and i can already see your trajectory is going to put you all so far above what i could achieve in that time. Strengh is in numbers, and yeah anons, you guys got it now, and you're running way faster than thsi semi-ol'man has ever seen!!! We're gonna win!
WWG1WGA
I came back to look again at this post and see your comment. Thank you for leading the way for us newer anons. Like you, I started to wake up with the 1991 gulf war but it was a low level waking and it wasn't until much later that I joined the fight. It's a long journey from where I started on the opposite end of everything.
Oh, don't give me too much credit, give it to God. Besides, there were a number of us as cells out there bouncing around back then. It was hard, but we made it here, and that's all that really matters now :D
I'm still in the process of finding God fren. I listen and pray these days. I am becoming connected.
Keep focusing on excellent things, finding the truth, being patient, helping folks, staying humble, and finding happiness in these. Any Q's you struggle with, let me know, i'll help.
Thanks fren, really!
Well said. Tried to wake up a friend today. Frustrating. Too far gone. His years of indoctrination from our government, plus him taking the vax, made my efforts futile. He replies with condescending remarks as if I’m crazy. Lol. He knows an unvaxed relative who almost died in the hospital. So in his eyes the vaccine saves lives. Tried to explain the usual data info, the fraudulent testing, etc. Then I caught myself. I said if you believe it works then that’s your choice for you taking shot 1, shot 2, booster 3, booster 4, etc. I said no shots for me. I changed the subject……… It is very draining knowing how corrupt the system is. There will be a mass awakening, hopefully. Till then, embrace those who are like minded. And pray. Btw, lost many friendships due to being awake.
For me, I have to concentrate so much energy on keeping it all together for my family - making sure they have a home, basically - which means I do have to stay very vigilant. So, yes, I am pulling on internal resources that barely replenish from day to day. Without feeling like I have a partner in Jesus, I do not see how I could keep this up. But you know? I have to. The alternative is completely unacceptable. God will not fail us.
Wow - great stuff - thanks for sharing and I can relate 1000%
Fantastic post. This is a big encouragement and spirit lifter for me and I’m sure many other frens as well. Thank you for the very thoughtful effort you gave to us in posting this!
Just noticed that this was posted 3 days ago. Kudos to the mod that found it and stickied it.
Great post. My journey? First off, this journey reminds me of the military. “Hurry up and wait” is kind of a daily state of being when you’re active duty. Frustration is your friend. “Embrace the suck.” You don’t always know the plan. You train, prepare, you observe things and you think you know what’s going on but you don’t always. You may never know why you saw what you saw or did what you did. So you think sometimes what you’re doing is futile and you’re not going to make a difference but that’s where you’re wrong. You can always and should always try to help, protect, motivate and be there for others who are with you. That’s why that old familiar “WWG1WGA” has always been a comforting mantra. Like a favorite old T-shirt, it’s familiar and easy.
So that’s what I try to do because that’s what I learned. And also, almost as important is to learn and practice having patience. You may not see immediate results. You may not in your lifetime but that doesn’t mean you don’t bother fighting or throw in the towel. All the more reason to. Future generations will be impacted. So just keep at it and have everyone else’s back if they’re on the same page as you. Set good examples by being as Christlike as you possibly can. That’s hard for me because I curse a lot but you know- treat others as you’d expect to be treated. Set a good example, take care of your belongings, maintain stuff, gather as much info as you can and always, always try to make things better.
Right now and I’d say over the past year, my life has been cluttered with work probs which trickle on down to relationship problems. Like one friend told me “your job is ruining your life.” Yeah so I’ve been working hard not to let that happen anymore and sometimes I don’t post here much but it doesn’t mean I’m not engaged. I sometimes am running on E. But I still have patience and I still have your back and won’t ever give up this fight.
I've felt this so many times it certainly rings a bell.
I'm not sure if this will help anyone else, but in case it does, I like to refer to a poem called 'The Character of the Happy Warrior' - William Wordsworth.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45512/character-of-the-happy-warrior
It's called being captured. Don't get caught. Especially by hate and the misery spreaders.
I believe we're waiting for the rules of law. Win the war was easy with Trump but now justice have to do his journey. It'll take time. Take just in consideration that the system was settled hundreds if not thousands years ago. Shutting it down will require a decade if not more.
Wonderful post, describes my life completely since the 2020 election. I am also an older anon who has lived thru the 70's -- twice, so to speak. Lifts my spirits and gives me that extra kick I need to move on and get my life back on track. Thank you.
The Buddhists have something this anon/anyone could use. They practice Awakening on the daily and have been. 40k view. Realizing attachment is suffering. Understanding you will die. Everyone will die. Literally everyone, even liberals and the immigrants. Nobody gets out alive. That's a huge red pill that everyone is or has already taken. Normal person or not. And not everyone has it as easy as us. We get to go through this "confusion" kek, knowing we already won. Also knowing only good stuff will happen to us. Because we know that the bad stuff is actually good stuff all in our favor. So even though we are acting worried and sort of approximating fear and pain, that really we know the future and how everything ends. We aren't supposed to, of course. But we do and in that way OP is right. We aren't really living. Because that would include a whole half!! of the shit we don't have to acknowledge. Some people have to and can't just turn off the computer after a long hard day of suffering in fear and hunger. Which is nice. Being a winner that deserves even more riches and still we hunger for blood! We deserve to witness the suffering of people we have been told deserve it. Sounds crass, but we aren't snowflakes, we do what must be done. Easy street. It ain't hard to sleep knowing how righteous we are.
I feel you in every aspect. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Dumb people will claim “midlife crisis” or some other BS but the day to day itself can BE depressing. Watching our world go to shit, worrying about our kids or loved ones. Just the every day monotony sometimes… work just to be ABLE to live. It’s hard to see things in a positive perspective when you just don’t feel positive some days. I like that you feel hope though because you should. As a kid I was voted happiest student. Even up to high school I was the one to always put a smile on people’s faces. Even today my customers at work come to me with their problems and leave happier (and not as hungry 😜.) I’ve gone through some crazy shit the last year and I’m just now getting back to “me.” So just know you’re not alone, there’s like minded people that feel the same as you and hoping you find what you’re looking for 💙