I love my girlfriend unconditionally. I must preface with that. There will be no end to that love.
We are both severely traumatized from our past (separate and together). We both have negative trauma responses.
Well, she ended up pregnant. I thought we were on the same page with it, that even if it comes earlier than expected, we will love that kiddo. Thats what she told me beforehand. She said she wanted to have my bebbies.
Well. She ended up pregnant, panicked, told me she got her period but actually went and got an abortion and killed our kiddo.
This wrecked me. She had a slight meltdown afterwards in regret. Wishes she never did it, wishes she told me she was pregnant, wishes she followed through. She admits she knows now that it would have been beautiful and she had no legitimate worries. All her worries were because her ex-husband traumatized her horribly.
Thing is, I knew. And I knew she was going to get an abortion. Don't ask me how. I'm trying to walk in faith and I assume God wanted the truth known. I begged her not to.
Her ex-husband almost killed her several times, threatened to dump her body in an abandoned mineshaft, pointed guns at her head, choked her out, etc.
She somehow got it in her head that I'd be like him, but him and I are opposites. I am a good man, she just let her trauma panic her and destroy something beautiful.
I'm just asking for prayers for her, mainly.
I did forgive her, and I'm not holding it over her head. I love her unconditionally, and theres nothing she can do that would stop that.
Thank you guys. You're family.
I should mention she is not godly. She's closer to being a pagan, doesn't believe in a single living God. So that makes this harder. I'm walking in faith and bearing the fruits of that faith for her to see.
I pray she sees it and recognizes it isn't me, that by my works alone I am not godly either. It is only through our Father that I am able to even try to be a good man. On my own, I'm sure I'd fail.
You knew she would get an abortion because she lies to you regularly and then blames her "trauma."
Lying to you at all is unacceptable. That includes lying to you about murdering your child.
"[22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. [24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
She is lost, yes. But I still love her. A tough situation.
You might not like what I have to say, however I was in a similar relationship ( 25+ years ).
You have to love yourself first and foremost.
You can not help anyone that isn't helping themselves. Blaming past traumas for current behaviour is gaslighting and nothing but : sorry to tell you. It's a way to not take accountability for one's actions. Everybody knows what they are doing.
I guarantee you - if you're being honest with yourself - this is repeated behaviour.
She only had regret after you found out. You have no way to prove ( and neither does she ) that she felt anything until you found out.
She had no intentions to talk to you, at all, once she got pregnant and then made those decisions after that. She did not think about you, or your feelings, or what you previously talked about. This all didn't happen in one day either ; don't forget that.
She thought of herself first, and only. She needs help to get over her trauma or this way of being will continue.
People show you who they are : believe them. And I'll say it again ; everybody knows what they are doing
👏👏🙏
Prayers going out that she allows the Holy Spirit to guide her into accepting Jesus’s embrace. May He heal you both. God’s mercy can heal her even though she had an abortion. Forgiveness is hers if she accepts Christ as her personal Savior.
Poor soul needs a great healing. Do not think you can provide that, fren. You can't undo what another person damaged in her. Very hard too since as a pagan she will not ask Jesus for help. But I was pagan nearly all my life and I, literally, saw the Light. She could do the same. But it is our individual situations that bring these changes. Keep praying for her that she seeks professional help. I suggest an EMDR therapist. I had only one EMDR session and something crippling me emotionally, just evaporated. Maybe you could both go.
I would add onto this that EMDR can be a miraculous one and done treatment for many people but for others it takes a lot more work. I got my hopes a little too high from reading stories like that.
What is EMDR? I've never heard of this. Thank you for the suggestion.
EMDR - is rapid eye movement therapy. I’ve done it before, and it actually works. I highly recommend if she has insurance and she can find somebody in your area to do it. Here’s an article, although I admit, I have not read it. It’s just a link so you can get some other information about this therapy.
https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/
However; if a person is living a life outside of Christ, and she is a pagan, she is open to attacks by Satan. You should really be focusing on her Salvation. However, working on her mental health is important as well. EMDR is a great start.
Thank you so much, fren.
God bless you.
I’ll be praying for the best outcome for all involved. Just remember to keep your eyes on Jesus. He’s the one that’s gonna help you with all this.
Praying for you both to walk through this with God. Only He can help get you through this season. 🙏
Have Faith fren...trust Him! ☝️🙌
Amen. Prayers sent.
Amen
First of all, you should not be unequally, yoked, or living in sin for that matter.
Secondly, if she’s not a Christian, then, how would you raise your child together? How was your child grow up to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior?
I’m not saying what she did was right, because it wasn’t… However, trying to have a family and raise a child together when you’re unequally yoked and you have two completely different views on Creation, would be a complete no go for me.
As unfortunate as the situation is, at least you know your child is in heaven right now. As a born-again Christian, if you are a born again, Christian - YOU will see your child again in heaven.
If you can’t see that this is a huge red flag, and that this woman has the potential to kill another child in the future, then I’m sorry, but you’re not in love you are completely infatuated and entering into idol worshiping.
My advice is for you to encourage this love of your life to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and look for some changes before you even think about marrying her OR move on. As painful as it would be, you may need to find a woman worthy of carrying your child and loving your child, and loving you.
I’m sorry about what happened at her past, but you’re not her Savior, Jesus is. This whole story is so bizarre and sad, but you have choices to make now, and I would choose wisely.
Sorry, if I seem harsh, I don’t mean to be, but sometimes people need to tell you the truth that you need to hear when nobody else well.
Please forgive me if I have been offensive. God bless you and continue to seek his face. He will tell you what to do.
Also, I suggest you find yourself a decent Bible, believing church, something like a non-denominational, Calvary Chapel that reads the Bible, chapter by chapter and verse by verse. Also, get involved in a men’s Bible study, this is where you’ll find the best support system, and good sound advice on how to manage these type of issues. Also read one proverb in one Psalms a day. This will get you in to alignment with God. Praying for you.
Unconditional love is a good thing. Tying yourself to a person who always needs it and rarely (or even unreliably) gives it is a recipe for draining your heart and soul.
You can love someone and also love yourself by making sure you don't cater to their weaknesses and psych addictions.
Interesting username.
I've been pondering this myself.
I don't want to abandon her, but I may end up having to if she refuses to change. She does see she needs to, but shes relying on psychology and science.
I said she's been doing that all her life, and look where it's gotten her.
You can always trust people to be themselves. If who she is happens to be harmful to you, your attachment is harming yourself at least as much as it helps her.
For some people, "love thy neighbor as thyself" means they need to increase love they give themselves. Sacrificing yourself means your ability to help others will consistently diminish, until you break. That won't be pretty.
God bless, fren.
I pray for you- that the devil or his minions don’t make you stumble. That the Lord, our God, will strengthen you and increase your faith. That you know more of His saving grace through His son Jesus Christ.
I pray for you girlfriend- that her eyes are opened to be able to see a man that walks with Christ in his heart is much different and of an infinite higher caliber than one that walks with the devil. That she will ask for forgiveness for that abhorrent decision she made out of fear. That she will see that we are in the devil’s playground when we are fearful. That she will accept salvation through Jesus Christ.
I pray for your baby that’s already with the Lord. He was chosen to not have to suffer through the pains of this world.
You will be reunited with your baby whom you never met. And we will all be with the Lord, my friend. Stay strong in Christ. Get stronger in Christ.
Forgiveness is just like love. It is a choice that we have to make. It’s a choice we make everyday. Love like Christ loves us. You love your girlfriend, marry her and then have a babe with her.
I pray for you brother. I pray that you will be strengthened and renewed and restored. You and your girlfriend.
That's beautiful, thank you.
Amen.
Praying for you and blessings to all of you.
I pray that the Lord watches over you and your girlfriend. I pray that she sees the light that He shines and follows Him down the path to heaven.
Amen
You’re unequally yoked. The pain isn’t going to stop for you. Sorry, man.
It's OK. I'll learn my lesson the hard way, looks like.
Sorry this happened, fren. It seems you are handling it the best you can. However, before you consider a lifetime with this woman, consider that believers (Christians) are warned not to be yoked unequally. That is probably partly why this sad thing happened. It sounds like you've committed to her completely, but if she doesn't join you in your faith, I would caution you to rethink your committment and consider life without her as your partner. A pray is being sent for you and your baby and gf. All the best.
Stay strong, fren. Prayers for both of you.
You and she will be in my prayers.
if you still love her, then what is the issue? treat it like any other death. know its in Gods hands and move on.
First, I am sorry for your (both) trauma and loss. It can be hard to process, heal and lead a “normal” life with severe abuse. Making good decisions is really hard when your soul has been hijacked by someone evil. Therapy for that level of trauma is a must, if you don’t have Jesus to help.
That said…
“I'm walking in faith and bearing the fruits of that faith for her to see.”
What faith do you claim?
Following the one true God of heaven, not the false god of this world (satan)
Not trying to be a dick but…what does the bible say about sex outside of marriage?
Look, we all need to step our game in faith/following Jesus. Myself included. Are you reading your bible? Attending worship? If you want her to trust you completely, to have her live a life of faith, then have the courage of your convictions. Be the man and leader (and Jesus follower) God wants you to be.
That's totally fair. I'll take that to heart.