You and my wife would get along I think :)
I believe it's harder for women in this situation. It's been my observation that they process life's challenges by talking about it (endlessly it seems ;) ) and as much as my wife and I are best friends, she could do with a female friend she can trust.
I see how hard it is for her, but she's a real trooper. I pray that this shitty situation starts to resolve sooner rather than later. God bless.
I see what you are saying, but they will still scream foul - just because that's all they know how to do and screw logic or reality.