I tried all this techniques and NLP, by the phone and messages and in person, and it freaking works, even more on the educated than on the regular folks
My hubs is a retired fed police. A book he recommended (esp for law enforcment) is called Verbal Judo--I read it and used ideas for my sales career...Amazing! Disarm them first by being a fellow human and stepping inside their shoes for a minute...
We are the leaders they will be looking for when this all shakes out....
Medical personnel here 🙋🏼♀️ and I would like to think that I’m not a psychopath, crazy person and that I treat all of my patients with dignity and respect (even the ones that don’t smell very pleasant) 😬. But I’m not gonna lie, we do looooovvvveee getting treats and if you bring them to us, a warm little place in our hearts might be reserved just for you. Just sayin... 🤷🏼♀️😂
I can confirm this, I had an caring intervention for my granny and I genuinely showed and spoked out my appreciation for those medics there doing their best.
How they are overworked and neglected in this pandemic.
They were really happy. And after it all was done I bought them juices coffe and sweets as a thank you for their work. They melted. It is a small community though .
Like "I now know were you live" sort of mafia warning messaging
or genuinely emphatetic thank you . Please explain because I might done something similar :)
at any hospital there is an entirely overlooked/misunderstood position called "ombudsman".
they are on the hospital's payroll, yet they actually work on behalf of the public. their name tends to get a verrrrrry pronounced reaction from staff.
Apparently they are not just in hospitals. It’s a very interesting occupation. They’re not lawyers but they help you with the law in terms of your rights ? An advocate I believe is another term?
that is a political term like when Ombudsman goes to negotiate with tribes or small countries on border disputes.
It is like representative of both sides, negotiator.
In hospital terms Ombudsman or "peoples advocate" is trying to protect peoples right and also protect the hospital to not loose license and ton of $ in some lawsuit. So it is again protecting both sides.
Even when you do all of that the hospitals are woefully understaffed in my experience. I met a lot of good nurses when my Dad at the hospital for a month but they couldn't come in the room without getting an urgent phone call that they had to rush off to. That said, my Dad was moved to another hospital and they had just hired a bunch of aides and nurses were much more relaxed and weren't rushing as much. So, I know some hospitals are well staffed but the ones that aren't ... it's pretty awful. As I watch healthcare workers leave the job due to the mandate I am really concerned about the quality of care patients are getting.
I make a special point to spend time with patients who are alone, unfortunately 'VIP families' can take away time from those that have no one and cannot speak up for themselves.
They are firing real in-house vetted staff nurses and subbing in agency and international agency because for some reason the hospital just HAS to say everyone is vaccinated. There will be more negligence & errors and less personalized patient care.
Interestingly, the families aren't complaining about the subbed-in staff they are just taking it in the name of COVID....
Great advice, unfortunately, The lord did not make me as calm as you. After a few minutes of trying to act nice, I just have to walk away...never realized how stupid some sheeple are.
Kindness will go a long way. I had a health issue that put me in and out of the hospital for 6 months. I would always say please and thank you. I tried to greet everybody by name. I brought pics of my kid with me which got me into convos with the nurses and aids about their kids. I also brought snacks and drinks and when I was up for a walkabout I would fill up their break room with unopened stuff.
One time the quality officer was touring my floor. I knew my favorite nurse was trying to transfer to a similar job that offered daytime/weekday hours. I made sure they knew how awesome that nurse was. She got her wish. Did it help? I don’t know. But It certainly didn’t hurt.
As my condition improved and I needed less attention, I did end up getting the lesser nurses. But that was ok. If they were inexperienced I tried to make them a little more comfortable. If they were foreign and had low conversation skills, they appreciated that I at least tried to speak with them and brighten their day. The better ones would usually find a few minutes to pop in and say hello if they saw my name on the board. One thing I loved was there were two prime rooms that had a view of the helipad, which really made my boring stays more interesting. At first I got one because I was in such bad shape. But I got one of those two for all but 1 of my trips. They knew I liked to be there.
The lowly janitors and aids tended to appreciate the smiles and thank yous, too. Sometimes these low level people get the brunt of the shit rolling downhill. But you know that you’re in good with them when you’re passed out when they come to take a food order and your favorites show up anyway. Or if you want to see your doc and they go out of their way to get them there.
By all means, just be pleasant and respectful and most people will respond positively. If they’re stressed and it’s a bad time, make the convo quick and check in again later. They have hard jobs and a little understanding can go a long way.
I have worked in the ICU of several hospitals for 35 years. "Freaks and psychopaths"? I have known a few freaky nurses but not in the sense that you describe.
The advice you are giving is bad. If you want you loved ones to get the best care, do not go in there acting like a bad ass who is going to kick ass if my granny is mistreated.
Most of the time nurses have primary patients, meaning if they can place the same nurse with the same patient each night, its best for the nurse and the patient. The nurse knows the patients history, knows what is normal behavior and can detect abnormal behavior more easily. A detailed report is not needed, the nurse just needs to know what happened in the last 12 hour shift. It is called continuity of care.
The more seasoned nurses can most of the time choose which patients they want, they like to keep the senior nurses happy, it helps with retention. Before they leave for the day, they will talk to the charge nurse and say I would like this patient back. If you are a asshole they will request a new patient, its that simple. The newer nurses with less seniority will get the patients who have the family who are being a pain in the ass. If you go in there acting like a asshole, the seasoned nurses will avoid your room and choose another patient. You will be stuck with a inexperienced nurse.
Its ok to ask questions but if you are up the nurses ass with every move she makes in the room, the nurse will avoid you and spend less time in the room.
The more questions you ask, the more time the nurse has to stop and explain herself, the more frustrated she will become with you. When she talks to fellow nurses, the conversation she has about you will not be nice and something like, "The family for my patient are a bunch of assholes"
The best advice I can give you is be nice and pleasant. If its one phrase I hear nurses say most often that will determine the care your loved one gets is "my family is so nice" Its not, "The son for my patient is such a asshole, I'm going to do my very best".
Another thing that goes a long way, take treats/food in for them. Candy, donuts, cookies sorta thing. We have families that bring pizza, coffee, chips, ...baklava is my favorite. I am not a nurse but I work side by side with the nurses every day and I partake in the treats brought in, believe me, it goes a long way.
Going in there acting like you are in control, questioning every single decision will not work in your favor. The nurses will go the extra mile to provide granny with everything she needs to make her comfortable if they like you, if you have to demand it, you will not get it. Be nice.
This spring I had a hospital staff experience. Let me explain I worked for a candy manufacturer at the time and a relative was scheduled for neuro-surgery. Sending unexpected packages to the hospital was not ok. I called the operators, cleared it with them and sent them candy (no one had ever done so before).
I sent the staff small individual boxes of candy. I sent the janitorial staff candy. The operation was delayed and rescheduled. I sent MORE candy including chocolate cigars to congratulate them on a successful operation (before it happened).
There was a problem and they had to operate again. Was I an ass? No. I sent even more candy.
Things weren't going well in her room, so I called the charge nurse at 2am (who fully expected to get reamed), and politely asked for her help. Presto (she got a private room) I sent candy to the night shift because they usually only get leftovers.
I got asked if the candy was for my relative, and I said "oh no, that's for you! Shouldn't she be eating jello and gruel?" We had a lovely talk and she was treated very well.
To this day, she said she walks into that department and everybody knows her name, and asks about her.
Nice. You might not have access to huge amounts of candy at WELL below wholesale, but cards, kindness and going out of your way for staff works for you.
A letter of praise to the staff's supervisors works wonders, too.
Yes, its nice to speak with someone who has a concern and not get your ass chewed out. Most of the time it's not the person's fault to whom you are addressing the concern with. It's tough to walk into your job with good intentions and get railed by others loose ends AND pissed families. There's bad apples everywhere there's work to be done.
Not chewing the charge nurse out and telling her I knew it wasn't the staff's fault (it was another patient) went a long way. You could just hear her relax over the phone.
Obviously high emotion situations when it comes to loved one's health, but it's nice to be able to have an efficient and objective conversation and provide a quick/effective remedy.
Hmm. Actually not all that high emotion on my end.
In the olden days a friend used to give the nurses bottles of peach brandy and $20 bills (lots of athletic injuries) until I heard those stories, it never occurred to me to give goodies to the staff. Since then I am the Santa Claus of the ward.
Well, yes... you sound like the best from what you've led on, and would love to encounter you in that setting. It's folks like you that enrich the environment for everyone. ❤
My dad told me that he would say, "Did I tell you that my daughter is a nurse practitioner?" And his caregivers would perk up. I was a neonatal nurse practitioner, but no one ever asked him that. They just assumed he had someone who could critique his care.
It is what they do. Naturally not intentionally . Or a bit of both. It is always a good thing to hav a Gypsy friend. They are magical. Not to mention they knew or invent businesses you never even thought possible :)
Great post fren. I’ve always been in a fight or flight nature from young, and I’m usually good at playing the role I need to. But here in clown world Ontario Canada I lose it one too many times, thank you for the humbling strategy.
Exactly she had come out of surgery and they asked her all these important questions while she was still under anesthesia instead of before.
My aunt was with me after her second surgery and caught this and we politely chewed the staff a new one. They Didn't mess with her the second time around.
It was knee replacement surgery she had one and then she had the other one done and we made sure we watched what they were doing like Hawks the second time around
Nobody had thought of anything of it the first time because my mom as always been independent incapable of doing anything she wanted.
I agree you have to work it. Great post! Some weirdos are looking for victim types. Predators on the Serenghetti. Just as a funny fyi...when I see your name I used to think it was rooftoptendy but obviously it's ten die. Like it reminds me of my favorite character Jack Reacher of Lee Childs books! I think he liked the Sig Sauer for his MP dutues.
I have an easy way as well, and it works with everyone.
Ask them for help with something. Be effusive in your thanks when they do.
Literally everyone appreciates it...it acknowledges their expertise, makes them feel important and in control of themselves, and look kindly on you. Everyone hates to let down someone who thinks they're cool.
I think you have written a very well though out, insightful piece here - and this is great advice. But I have to ask - what do you do in the case of a COVID patient who is not allowed any visitors? I think one of today's biggest problems is that their loved ones are basically isolated from their entire family, nobody can visit or sit with them, and certainly can't sneak in any food or IVM to help them get better.
What are your thoughts (and any advice) for that situation? I don't personally have any family members in the hospital, but I know some who do, who could use some logical and practical advice like what you've offered here.
My approach is similar. I mention that I was a critical care medic for a decade before I started working with lawyers, would like to review the chart/labs, and am polite and complimentary lol.
About 15 years ago, my then-husband had a serious motorcycle accident, resulting in a lost limb, etc., etc.
He was quite calm about everything, but refused to be left alone. There was literally always someone with him, even overnight. So many visitors and callers that I finally had to put a stop to it.
But I’ll tell ya, those nurses did not like me reading his chart. They acted like it was their private information.
Ha. One time he was waiting for a surgery and the nurse came to confirm the procedure. But she kept saying left foot and I kept saying no. I finally pulled back his sheet to show his missing left foot.
Great post. This is why hospitals wouldn't let any visitors in during all this. I don't know if they've relaxed that by now but I know when my mother-in-love was in the hospital last year for a hip replacement (at 96) I managed to sneak in 3 times. Even if there's no visitors allowed, call all day every day and show up anyway. Don't take no for an answer.
This is really interesting and I'm glad you made this post. It reminds me of when I had my baby. It was just me and my hubby and he had school and work most of the day. Nobody else, no flowers, no candy, nothing. I didn't think anything of it until I was well enough to get up and walk around the halls. I saw all the other rooms full of balloons and giant cards and flowers and baskets of fruit, plus lots of family and well-wishers. All I could think of was how the nurses must have felt so sorry for me. But it's interesting to hear your perspective, because there WERE some issues. When I was out of the hospital and brought the issues to their attention, they gave me a story of how the position of my hospital room was the reason I had been overlooked so many times. It was supposedly because my room was right where the nurses areas of responsibility ended and began. In other words, there was no clear definition of which nurse had my room, so it was usually just overlooked. (Good system, that.) I'm a lot older and wiser now, so that wouldn't happen today, but maybe if I'd had a big clan it wouldn't have happened then, either. I will forever remember this post, tendie. Thanks.
Sounds like good advice and very much like the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just as surely anyone can have a moment of goodness, the best of us can have moments of badness. I did here today, in fact, in another thread! So I think you're wise to seek to bring out the best in others. God willing, they'll live up to it!
On a related note, this also puts me in mind of the psychological phenomenon of the self-fulfilling prophesy! Expect the worst and you'll probably get it!
The last three years of my dad‘s life I took care of him along with my mother. I spent months at his house alone researching and trying to figure out everything that was wrong with him to keep him alive and comfortable as long as possible.
Any time he had to go to the hospital I was there. I had a notebook, or pad of paper, and a pen. When somebody would come in, I would ask their name, and I would write it down. I would take their stats every hour, and text them to my mom, or my brother who lived out of the country.
I asked lots of questions, and kept track of everything that was going on at all times. Once they had to put them in one of those stupid old folks homes, because of you know Obamacare, and I would show up at 12 o’clock at night, and stay until five or 6 AM. Those are the hours I feel patients are most neglected and places like that. I even brought cupcakes one night, to show them I appreciated them.
Recently my mom was in the hospital in Arizona, and I would spend most of my day into the night there. any time they brought anything in to put in her IV as a drip, I would take pictures of it with my phone while the nurse was standing there. Every day I would take a picture of the board on the wall that had the names of the doctors nurses and assistance that were assigned to my mom for that day. I would go home and sleep for a while, but I would be a frighten early and at the hospital around 7 AM. That’s when the doctors would do their rounds. I wanted to make sure that the doctor knew who I was, and then I could ask all the questions I needed to. She happen to have a doctor with five other doctors in learning I call them, following the main doctor around the hospital to do his rounds. I got to know each one of them personally, by name, and always thank them for everything they were doing. But of course that was after I asked all the questions I need to ask, and made my own suggestions!
Oddly enough this is during Covid right, maybe four months ago. I was able to be in the room with my mom any time of day and night, and most of the time I didn’t even have to wear a mask. It was really strange. The only time I wore one is when I went to the cafeteria, or when I was coming in past security. My mom had already had Covid, and we had documents from our doctor that showed that she had antibodies. They never once asked if she wanted to be vaccinated, or asked if she was vaccinated. Really strange.
I honestly think if anybody’s in the hospital, ever, even after this Covid nonsense, a family member needs to be present. At all times if possible, but I know that’s not possible but seriously… Make yourself known. Keep a smile on your face, be respectful, and document everything. And I mean everything.
The story I told above, regarding my dad in the hospital. One time the doctor actually came over to me and stood behind me. He saw that I was actually taking notes, and I was doing what I said I was doing. He said wow you are taking notes aren’t you. I said yes I am and I smiled. He smiled back, because he knew. He knew I was paying attention!
Very good advice...however,
hospitals have changed and not for the better. Nurses have changed and not for the better.
Doctors have changed and not for the better.
It's much worse since the plandemic.
Every inpatient MUST have an advocate, or 2, or 3...whatever it takes - a strong, knowledgeable, well-spoken person if that inpatient is incapable or unable to assume that role.
Thanks for this great advice!
My dad is having surgery in a couple weeks. You can bet I am showing up with a bakery box for the staff as we check him in.
Honestly, family helping during visiting hours care for their family members goes a long way. The patient WANTS family effort during a hospitalized illness.
Having clear and consistent expectations for your family members helps makes it easier to pass the info on in report. And a clear POA or go-to person so we don't have to repeat the same info numerous times throughout the day taking time away from patient care.
Pictures of the patient and family members in the room, particularly If they are not conscious/confused. As a nurse, I love seeing the patient during well times.
Having realistic expectations and also understanding of the human condition is important.
Bringing a dozen donuts or coffee for the staff room is a thoughtful gesture.
I'm a nurse and I'm throwing a quick spit balling out there. I work with chronic critically ill folks, well I do until I get fired in week for no vax.
Also “How to Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie
I tried all this techniques and NLP, by the phone and messages and in person, and it freaking works, even more on the educated than on the regular folks
My hubs is a retired fed police. A book he recommended (esp for law enforcment) is called Verbal Judo--I read it and used ideas for my sales career...Amazing! Disarm them first by being a fellow human and stepping inside their shoes for a minute... We are the leaders they will be looking for when this all shakes out....
Never Split the Difference is one of my all-time favorites.
Medical personnel here 🙋🏼♀️ and I would like to think that I’m not a psychopath, crazy person and that I treat all of my patients with dignity and respect (even the ones that don’t smell very pleasant) 😬. But I’m not gonna lie, we do looooovvvveee getting treats and if you bring them to us, a warm little place in our hearts might be reserved just for you. Just sayin... 🤷🏼♀️😂
I can confirm this, I had an caring intervention for my granny and I genuinely showed and spoked out my appreciation for those medics there doing their best. How they are overworked and neglected in this pandemic. They were really happy. And after it all was done I bought them juices coffe and sweets as a thank you for their work. They melted. It is a small community though .
I suspect candy goes over particularly well when the other option is getting suplexed by a marine lol.
Everything in moderation
Oh, hell no. I went overboard with the candy and it worked out just fine.
Dude.
Like "I now know were you live" sort of mafia warning messaging or genuinely emphatetic thank you . Please explain because I might done something similar :)
at any hospital there is an entirely overlooked/misunderstood position called "ombudsman".
they are on the hospital's payroll, yet they actually work on behalf of the public. their name tends to get a verrrrrry pronounced reaction from staff.
learned about it at a point when i had an interest in ethics as a discipline and was doing research. fascinating position.
Apparently they are not just in hospitals. It’s a very interesting occupation. They’re not lawyers but they help you with the law in terms of your rights ? An advocate I believe is another term?
predates what we currently think of as an advocate,
Your comment has just been entered into my save column- Informative indeed!
First I’m hearing of this, thank you for the rabbit hole
--if they are doing their jobs properly.
if...
that is a political term like when Ombudsman goes to negotiate with tribes or small countries on border disputes. It is like representative of both sides, negotiator. In hospital terms Ombudsman or "peoples advocate" is trying to protect peoples right and also protect the hospital to not loose license and ton of $ in some lawsuit. So it is again protecting both sides.
Even when you do all of that the hospitals are woefully understaffed in my experience. I met a lot of good nurses when my Dad at the hospital for a month but they couldn't come in the room without getting an urgent phone call that they had to rush off to. That said, my Dad was moved to another hospital and they had just hired a bunch of aides and nurses were much more relaxed and weren't rushing as much. So, I know some hospitals are well staffed but the ones that aren't ... it's pretty awful. As I watch healthcare workers leave the job due to the mandate I am really concerned about the quality of care patients are getting.
I was there when my Dad was in the hospital. I think this comment was meant for someone else.
I make a special point to spend time with patients who are alone, unfortunately 'VIP families' can take away time from those that have no one and cannot speak up for themselves.
They are firing real in-house vetted staff nurses and subbing in agency and international agency because for some reason the hospital just HAS to say everyone is vaccinated. There will be more negligence & errors and less personalized patient care. Interestingly, the families aren't complaining about the subbed-in staff they are just taking it in the name of COVID....
We can only pray to God that there will be a place we trust for our loved ones one day.
Great advice, unfortunately, The lord did not make me as calm as you. After a few minutes of trying to act nice, I just have to walk away...never realized how stupid some sheeple are.
Having a good resting b**** face helps a lot too I find that works in my family.
I've had to deal with a lot of doctors healthcare workers with my mom and my dad.
LOL I like that.
I raise an eyebrow, with a slight head tilt
Kindness will go a long way. I had a health issue that put me in and out of the hospital for 6 months. I would always say please and thank you. I tried to greet everybody by name. I brought pics of my kid with me which got me into convos with the nurses and aids about their kids. I also brought snacks and drinks and when I was up for a walkabout I would fill up their break room with unopened stuff.
One time the quality officer was touring my floor. I knew my favorite nurse was trying to transfer to a similar job that offered daytime/weekday hours. I made sure they knew how awesome that nurse was. She got her wish. Did it help? I don’t know. But It certainly didn’t hurt.
As my condition improved and I needed less attention, I did end up getting the lesser nurses. But that was ok. If they were inexperienced I tried to make them a little more comfortable. If they were foreign and had low conversation skills, they appreciated that I at least tried to speak with them and brighten their day. The better ones would usually find a few minutes to pop in and say hello if they saw my name on the board. One thing I loved was there were two prime rooms that had a view of the helipad, which really made my boring stays more interesting. At first I got one because I was in such bad shape. But I got one of those two for all but 1 of my trips. They knew I liked to be there.
The lowly janitors and aids tended to appreciate the smiles and thank yous, too. Sometimes these low level people get the brunt of the shit rolling downhill. But you know that you’re in good with them when you’re passed out when they come to take a food order and your favorites show up anyway. Or if you want to see your doc and they go out of their way to get them there.
By all means, just be pleasant and respectful and most people will respond positively. If they’re stressed and it’s a bad time, make the convo quick and check in again later. They have hard jobs and a little understanding can go a long way.
As an RN for over 30 years, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post! 💕💕💕
Great post!
I have worked in the ICU of several hospitals for 35 years. "Freaks and psychopaths"? I have known a few freaky nurses but not in the sense that you describe.
The advice you are giving is bad. If you want you loved ones to get the best care, do not go in there acting like a bad ass who is going to kick ass if my granny is mistreated.
Most of the time nurses have primary patients, meaning if they can place the same nurse with the same patient each night, its best for the nurse and the patient. The nurse knows the patients history, knows what is normal behavior and can detect abnormal behavior more easily. A detailed report is not needed, the nurse just needs to know what happened in the last 12 hour shift. It is called continuity of care.
The more seasoned nurses can most of the time choose which patients they want, they like to keep the senior nurses happy, it helps with retention. Before they leave for the day, they will talk to the charge nurse and say I would like this patient back. If you are a asshole they will request a new patient, its that simple. The newer nurses with less seniority will get the patients who have the family who are being a pain in the ass. If you go in there acting like a asshole, the seasoned nurses will avoid your room and choose another patient. You will be stuck with a inexperienced nurse.
Its ok to ask questions but if you are up the nurses ass with every move she makes in the room, the nurse will avoid you and spend less time in the room. The more questions you ask, the more time the nurse has to stop and explain herself, the more frustrated she will become with you. When she talks to fellow nurses, the conversation she has about you will not be nice and something like, "The family for my patient are a bunch of assholes"
The best advice I can give you is be nice and pleasant. If its one phrase I hear nurses say most often that will determine the care your loved one gets is "my family is so nice" Its not, "The son for my patient is such a asshole, I'm going to do my very best".
Another thing that goes a long way, take treats/food in for them. Candy, donuts, cookies sorta thing. We have families that bring pizza, coffee, chips, ...baklava is my favorite. I am not a nurse but I work side by side with the nurses every day and I partake in the treats brought in, believe me, it goes a long way.
Going in there acting like you are in control, questioning every single decision will not work in your favor. The nurses will go the extra mile to provide granny with everything she needs to make her comfortable if they like you, if you have to demand it, you will not get it. Be nice.
This spring I had a hospital staff experience. Let me explain I worked for a candy manufacturer at the time and a relative was scheduled for neuro-surgery. Sending unexpected packages to the hospital was not ok. I called the operators, cleared it with them and sent them candy (no one had ever done so before).
I sent the staff small individual boxes of candy. I sent the janitorial staff candy. The operation was delayed and rescheduled. I sent MORE candy including chocolate cigars to congratulate them on a successful operation (before it happened).
There was a problem and they had to operate again. Was I an ass? No. I sent even more candy.
Things weren't going well in her room, so I called the charge nurse at 2am (who fully expected to get reamed), and politely asked for her help. Presto (she got a private room) I sent candy to the night shift because they usually only get leftovers.
I got asked if the candy was for my relative, and I said "oh no, that's for you! Shouldn't she be eating jello and gruel?" We had a lovely talk and she was treated very well.
To this day, she said she walks into that department and everybody knows her name, and asks about her.
Nice. You might not have access to huge amounts of candy at WELL below wholesale, but cards, kindness and going out of your way for staff works for you.
A letter of praise to the staff's supervisors works wonders, too.
Yes, its nice to speak with someone who has a concern and not get your ass chewed out. Most of the time it's not the person's fault to whom you are addressing the concern with. It's tough to walk into your job with good intentions and get railed by others loose ends AND pissed families. There's bad apples everywhere there's work to be done.
Not chewing the charge nurse out and telling her I knew it wasn't the staff's fault (it was another patient) went a long way. You could just hear her relax over the phone.
Obviously high emotion situations when it comes to loved one's health, but it's nice to be able to have an efficient and objective conversation and provide a quick/effective remedy.
Hmm. Actually not all that high emotion on my end.
In the olden days a friend used to give the nurses bottles of peach brandy and $20 bills (lots of athletic injuries) until I heard those stories, it never occurred to me to give goodies to the staff. Since then I am the Santa Claus of the ward.
Well, yes... you sound like the best from what you've led on, and would love to encounter you in that setting. It's folks like you that enrich the environment for everyone. ❤
I'll send candy.
My dad told me that he would say, "Did I tell you that my daughter is a nurse practitioner?" And his caregivers would perk up. I was a neonatal nurse practitioner, but no one ever asked him that. They just assumed he had someone who could critique his care.
Wow… very interesting!
Gypsies know how to work the system. Squeaky wheels gets the grease.
“I fuckin hate pikeys”
It is what they do. Naturally not intentionally . Or a bit of both. It is always a good thing to hav a Gypsy friend. They are magical. Not to mention they knew or invent businesses you never even thought possible :)
The latter part is great, too. Just because we can't be there does not mean we cannot make our presence known.
This is brilliant. We need to take this approach anytime a loved one needs medical care!
Great post fren. I’ve always been in a fight or flight nature from young, and I’m usually good at playing the role I need to. But here in clown world Ontario Canada I lose it one too many times, thank you for the humbling strategy.
Fantastic.
I love how you snuck that "shennanigans" in there Farva 🤣
Way more people skills than I am capable of. I would mess up and try to reason with them, even if I tried not to.
Really great post my friend.
Is very important to be vigilant on any health care.
Even when it isn't your granny I had issues with my mom in the hospital staff not listening to her even though she was fully competent and capable.
So having that extra back up and support is very important because the hospital mistake gave my mom a heart attack.
Exactly she had come out of surgery and they asked her all these important questions while she was still under anesthesia instead of before.
My aunt was with me after her second surgery and caught this and we politely chewed the staff a new one. They Didn't mess with her the second time around.
It was knee replacement surgery she had one and then she had the other one done and we made sure we watched what they were doing like Hawks the second time around
Nobody had thought of anything of it the first time because my mom as always been independent incapable of doing anything she wanted.
I agree you have to work it. Great post! Some weirdos are looking for victim types. Predators on the Serenghetti. Just as a funny fyi...when I see your name I used to think it was rooftoptendy but obviously it's ten die. Like it reminds me of my favorite character Jack Reacher of Lee Childs books! I think he liked the Sig Sauer for his MP dutues.
I thought it was a take off on the tendy guy and the rooftop koreans.
Thanks for the clarification and you better believe I will be throwing tendies. :D
You're nicer than me. I'd be throwing the frying pans I cooked the tendies in ...
Kek
Excellent write-up!
I have an easy way as well, and it works with everyone.
Ask them for help with something. Be effusive in your thanks when they do.
Literally everyone appreciates it...it acknowledges their expertise, makes them feel important and in control of themselves, and look kindly on you. Everyone hates to let down someone who thinks they're cool.
We all need people who think we're cool.
It's just understanding human nature. We all appreciate an occasional ego stroking, and respond to it.
I think you have written a very well though out, insightful piece here - and this is great advice. But I have to ask - what do you do in the case of a COVID patient who is not allowed any visitors? I think one of today's biggest problems is that their loved ones are basically isolated from their entire family, nobody can visit or sit with them, and certainly can't sneak in any food or IVM to help them get better.
What are your thoughts (and any advice) for that situation? I don't personally have any family members in the hospital, but I know some who do, who could use some logical and practical advice like what you've offered here.
My approach is similar. I mention that I was a critical care medic for a decade before I started working with lawyers, would like to review the chart/labs, and am polite and complimentary lol.
About 15 years ago, my then-husband had a serious motorcycle accident, resulting in a lost limb, etc., etc. He was quite calm about everything, but refused to be left alone. There was literally always someone with him, even overnight. So many visitors and callers that I finally had to put a stop to it.
But I’ll tell ya, those nurses did not like me reading his chart. They acted like it was their private information.
Ha. One time he was waiting for a surgery and the nurse came to confirm the procedure. But she kept saying left foot and I kept saying no. I finally pulled back his sheet to show his missing left foot.
Thank you.
overacheiver ! I hope you are like this in other things in your life, like work and war .... you would be great leading teams on the battlefield :D
Great post. This is why hospitals wouldn't let any visitors in during all this. I don't know if they've relaxed that by now but I know when my mother-in-love was in the hospital last year for a hip replacement (at 96) I managed to sneak in 3 times. Even if there's no visitors allowed, call all day every day and show up anyway. Don't take no for an answer.
This is really interesting and I'm glad you made this post. It reminds me of when I had my baby. It was just me and my hubby and he had school and work most of the day. Nobody else, no flowers, no candy, nothing. I didn't think anything of it until I was well enough to get up and walk around the halls. I saw all the other rooms full of balloons and giant cards and flowers and baskets of fruit, plus lots of family and well-wishers. All I could think of was how the nurses must have felt so sorry for me. But it's interesting to hear your perspective, because there WERE some issues. When I was out of the hospital and brought the issues to their attention, they gave me a story of how the position of my hospital room was the reason I had been overlooked so many times. It was supposedly because my room was right where the nurses areas of responsibility ended and began. In other words, there was no clear definition of which nurse had my room, so it was usually just overlooked. (Good system, that.) I'm a lot older and wiser now, so that wouldn't happen today, but maybe if I'd had a big clan it wouldn't have happened then, either. I will forever remember this post, tendie. Thanks.
Sounds like good advice and very much like the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Just as surely anyone can have a moment of goodness, the best of us can have moments of badness. I did here today, in fact, in another thread! So I think you're wise to seek to bring out the best in others. God willing, they'll live up to it!
On a related note, this also puts me in mind of the psychological phenomenon of the self-fulfilling prophesy! Expect the worst and you'll probably get it!
This is a great post, and great advice.
The last three years of my dad‘s life I took care of him along with my mother. I spent months at his house alone researching and trying to figure out everything that was wrong with him to keep him alive and comfortable as long as possible.
Any time he had to go to the hospital I was there. I had a notebook, or pad of paper, and a pen. When somebody would come in, I would ask their name, and I would write it down. I would take their stats every hour, and text them to my mom, or my brother who lived out of the country.
I asked lots of questions, and kept track of everything that was going on at all times. Once they had to put them in one of those stupid old folks homes, because of you know Obamacare, and I would show up at 12 o’clock at night, and stay until five or 6 AM. Those are the hours I feel patients are most neglected and places like that. I even brought cupcakes one night, to show them I appreciated them.
Recently my mom was in the hospital in Arizona, and I would spend most of my day into the night there. any time they brought anything in to put in her IV as a drip, I would take pictures of it with my phone while the nurse was standing there. Every day I would take a picture of the board on the wall that had the names of the doctors nurses and assistance that were assigned to my mom for that day. I would go home and sleep for a while, but I would be a frighten early and at the hospital around 7 AM. That’s when the doctors would do their rounds. I wanted to make sure that the doctor knew who I was, and then I could ask all the questions I needed to. She happen to have a doctor with five other doctors in learning I call them, following the main doctor around the hospital to do his rounds. I got to know each one of them personally, by name, and always thank them for everything they were doing. But of course that was after I asked all the questions I need to ask, and made my own suggestions!
Oddly enough this is during Covid right, maybe four months ago. I was able to be in the room with my mom any time of day and night, and most of the time I didn’t even have to wear a mask. It was really strange. The only time I wore one is when I went to the cafeteria, or when I was coming in past security. My mom had already had Covid, and we had documents from our doctor that showed that she had antibodies. They never once asked if she wanted to be vaccinated, or asked if she was vaccinated. Really strange.
I honestly think if anybody’s in the hospital, ever, even after this Covid nonsense, a family member needs to be present. At all times if possible, but I know that’s not possible but seriously… Make yourself known. Keep a smile on your face, be respectful, and document everything. And I mean everything.
The story I told above, regarding my dad in the hospital. One time the doctor actually came over to me and stood behind me. He saw that I was actually taking notes, and I was doing what I said I was doing. He said wow you are taking notes aren’t you. I said yes I am and I smiled. He smiled back, because he knew. He knew I was paying attention!
Very good advice...however, hospitals have changed and not for the better. Nurses have changed and not for the better. Doctors have changed and not for the better. It's much worse since the plandemic. Every inpatient MUST have an advocate, or 2, or 3...whatever it takes - a strong, knowledgeable, well-spoken person if that inpatient is incapable or unable to assume that role.
Thanks for this great advice! My dad is having surgery in a couple weeks. You can bet I am showing up with a bakery box for the staff as we check him in.
Honestly, family helping during visiting hours care for their family members goes a long way. The patient WANTS family effort during a hospitalized illness.
Having clear and consistent expectations for your family members helps makes it easier to pass the info on in report. And a clear POA or go-to person so we don't have to repeat the same info numerous times throughout the day taking time away from patient care.
Pictures of the patient and family members in the room, particularly If they are not conscious/confused. As a nurse, I love seeing the patient during well times.
Having realistic expectations and also understanding of the human condition is important.
Bringing a dozen donuts or coffee for the staff room is a thoughtful gesture.
I'm a nurse and I'm throwing a quick spit balling out there. I work with chronic critically ill folks, well I do until I get fired in week for no vax.
This is good advice not just for medical staff but people in general. Something I am always praying for