Heavenly Father, please bless this man & wife with your presence, draw them to the strength you offer in your word that they may see the plans you have for them together as husband & wife, and give them wisdom & discernment concerning all things that affect their family. Let them hear each other’s hearts & relieve each others fears that drive the emotions which could cause division. Let them come together as one to follow where you lead. Bless them and their family with your joy and fill them with your peace all the days of their lives. I ask this in Jesus’ Holy name. Amen.
If you're having trouble discussing this then perhaps you could try to write her a letter. Write to the caring woman you love and speak only of how the world is making you feel and your fears for the well being of the family. Be careful not to accuse anyone of anything. Be loving and vulnerable and let her know. Take a few days to think about exactly what you want to say.
If the letter doesn't spark a discussion, ask her to write you a letter or just tell you how she feels.
Just a suggestion.
You may not be able to change her view of the world, but you may be able to reach a compromise.
I'd add, write the letter and then sleep on it and reread it. Give yourself time to consider your words hot and cold, as it were. May God help you both to work this out.
I would just like to add, be loving and kind. You are to love her as Christ loves the church. Marriages are complicated because there are two sinners in it. It is so worth the work to heal it though. You’re supposed to lift each other up. No bad mouthing one another to the kids, family, friends or co workers. Do things for her that she wouldn’t expect but is thoughtful. Make her tea or coffee in the morning. Little things mean a LOT. Mostly, however, you have the right idea. Prayer and being in the word is paramount. Praying for your family and may God bless you all.
If you have time, watch this video in full and mainly do one thing
LISTEN AND BE FULLY PRESENT WITH ALL SHE SAYS AND LET HER EMOTIONS DO NOT HARM YOU, BUT BE HEARD, SEEN AND FELT WITH AN OPEN HEART AND COMPASSION. Don't say anything, look her in the eyes and be fully present.
She will feel loved for the first time in her life. Women crave that! Women crave a strong centered man who is present in the storm who will not fight or run!
Yes, I am a lady pede and speak from experiene. Always after a sudden fight when my boy friend starts to listen and to be present, I instantly calm down, feel his love and come back to reason.
WE NEED STRONG MEN AND THEIR LOVE, PRESENCE AND COMPASSION. Because our emotions in stressing times drive us nuts and helpless.
If you have not so much time, watch from timestamp 45:00 on.
May the Almighty God bless your marriage with love, peace and strength - every day even stronger.
If you have kids there is no such thing as divorce or living seperately. You are bonded together for life, due to payments, love for the kids, decision making etc.
Letter writing is a great way to overcome the emotional turmoil of in the moment disagreements. It allows you to be truthful as well as thoughtful without the emotion induced brain fog, accusatory declarations and defensive degradation.
I agree with the sleep on it before you give her the letter advise as well.
Ask her to write you a response and afterwords you can both discuss from a more enlightened platform.
It is the emotional responses that kill reasoned discussion in a marriage. I think anyone who has been married can understand this point.
After you have given her both some time to speak her mind, and time to formulate some questions of her own, ask her about dreams and hopes for the children. We mommas want to do what's right by them. Also, If you can convince her to at least pray with you about it and not do anything behind your back, you will have won at least half (if not more!) of the battle. There is much good advice here, but DagnyDocket's and test_pattern's stood out to me. Helping her find that red line may take some gentle information dropping, (like the masks sent to the lab info I posted below), but wait until she is both open and receptive.
Prayers for you all. Not sure on kids’ ages or how much they dislike the masks, but if there is passion around that issue perhaps have the kids talk to her directly asking for her to champion for them, too. Or if they feel let down that she’s not. Not to put them in the middle but to be real - parents are the advocates and hearing from your child something that bothers or hurts them may get her attention in a way you never can. GL.
Prayers for you and your wife, fren. Prayer is powerful. Trust me, I've been married for 30 years, and it would not have lasted without God being involved.
You're welcome. I know arguing with my better half is heart-aching. But it does happen because we're absolutely not perfect. God hears our prayers and He will see you both through this.
Okay. I’m sick of the masks too. I just wrote my school board, so what happens if the kids just take them off? They never wrote back. I feel like I live in crazy town (California).
Same here. My husband will not help with this. He doesn’t wear the mask for 30+ hours! He’s also too busy with work to really contemplate the insanity of it and that our kids are going to think we were nuts. At least he’s 110% anti-vaxx. I may need to move but I’m in denial. I feel your pain. I’m angry daily Bit the masks (and the vaxx) and I know it’s not healthy. I’m not handling it well nor with compassion. Just angry.
If she’s anti vax, especially with regard towards the kids, think thru the reason why and how that same basis of logic can be applied to the other points you have a concern over. Sometimes you have to compromise and pick your battles, and the kids in masks might be one of them as that’s far less important in the long run than when the jab pressure kicks up to another level, not to mention your sanity and relationship.
It might even make her more anti- mask than you... And share these stats with teachers and others who are open and care about children.. Quietly, but share them.
Praying for you and your family. 🙏
“Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing this family with your gifts of love, patience, understanding, peace, and joy.”
Move, pack your things and move to an area that is not masking kids. Look into charter schools or even home schooling.
Get her around based people, let her find some new ground through talking with them.
Your marriage is worth it.
It may seem undoable at this time, but looking back in a year if you dont and you have split it will be somrthing you will wish you had done .
You have to respect her wishes and listen to her first, then she will return your feelings.
Smart men like Trump still took 3 tries, so don't feel bad if things break.
Praying only helps if it's out of your control, and as the head of the family things should be under your control. Control here refer to yourself and not others like your wife and kids. If the marriage is not good, it's in your control. If where you live is no good it's in your control.
Many have had success vacationing in florida maskless.
Kids and school is very much under your control if that's the main issue. Online courses and a smart well paid "babysitter" is an option. Find better work with more time for family is another good option.
Are you unleashing your frustration with the state of the world on your partner and best friend? You pledged your love and loyalty for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part.
Apologize. Wrap your arms around her (she may resist for a moment if you hurt her feelings with cruel words), and apologize. She’s your beloved, the mother of your children. Humble yourself, apologize, and ask for her help in being a better support to her.
I also recommend spending a few dollars on the book “Men are like Waffles, Women are Spaghetti”. Very helpful.
it's a mess, isn't it. do this before you go to sleep: take this heavy burden - the pain, the hurt, despair, uncertainty, regret, frustration, unfairness, the loneliness - everything that has got you to this precipice, and hand the whole burden to Jesus. don't worry about your wife. He's got a plan for her too.
when you ask Him to take your burden, be ready to receive His in exchange - "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
guaranteed, when we're at the end of our rope, when we've run out of ideas, when there seems no way out, our Father and His Son conspire to deliver us to a new path forward -- the thing that is best and right for you and for each and every person involved as well. it's easy for Him. and He will make it easier for you.
This is about more than an argument - this is about whether you stay married, which means another man (or evil stepmother) potentially hurting your children, and you dying young because married men (not divorced ones) live longer.
Start treating her like you did when you were trying to convince her to hitch her wagon to your star - you are a man, so fix it, and if you don’t know how, LEARN.
I know exactly what you are going through fren. Stay strong, stand firm in truth, and pray to God that he removes the evil that is destroying our world.
Praying. Family issues are terrible. Have had ongoing issues with an adult child for over ten years. It's been exhausting and demoralizing. I'm at the stage of letting go and make them take responsibility. Tough decision, and you're in a tougher spot because you have young children involved. Prayer has been incredibly helpful, so keep praying. I wish you the very best, these situations are extremely difficult, but God cares.
You cannot run away from problems and you must face them head on. I have no kids but I am in a very similar place as you. I am much happier right now even when I am a bees dick away from losing everything. Why? Because I am ready. Because I am not about to surrender who I am, my values, just so I can fall in line for something that is false. I am sending prayers your way to give you strength, for your children to be safe, as for your wife to have better knowledge.
I feel your pain as I too have been going through the same. Christian wife asleep and fearful. Masks on kids. Strife in marriage--each saying things that we can't take back... to the point where my wife brought up divorcing me a couple months ago.
I'm willing to hear you out. I'd also be willing to share my experience with you. My wife and I had a HUGE breakthrough 4 days ago.
Have you considered joining Sletcha's prayer garden on Guilded? Maybe that's an easier forum to talk.
Lifting you and your wife up in prayer, fren. The LORD saves and he will save your marriage. Keep trusting HIM.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8
I will be praying for you. I think you may be at the point where, masks suck, but having peace in the home might be more useful for the kids. I pray you will fine some comfort and peace in these hard times.
Remember God first and family right next to God. All this other stuff will pass. An apology with flowers never hurts and learn to know when to keep your mouth shut and let her rave. She is under a lot of pressure too with kids, school, house cleaning, cooking and all the other stuff even if she doesn't have a job. Prayers for you, her and your children.
Been going through same (married 25 years). We are in 100% agreement in everything re: what's happening now, but there are lots of emotions going on and conflicts over our needs and efforts to connect with each other. I know we are both under massive stress and we have said things that can't be unsaid...Tonight started out like that, but somehow we wound up in each other's arms...feeling close and in love.
Be honest. Expose yourself. Humble yourself. Pray.
As a mom and wife, I feel both sides of this. I’m what you would consider hardcore into research and trying to find the answers in these tough situations. I’ve been raging against the commie machine so to speak. My husband’s on the same page but he doesn’t have the time to read and research that I have and I think I drive him a little crazy with it all sometimes. I confronted my child’s school about vaccines, put her in private school to avoid the mask issue, and they all know where we stand.
That being said, it’s exhausting being on fire all the time. Other areas of life suffer. You may be feeling more alone with all this concern that she doesn’t seem as worried about; and she may be feeling scared. Women want and need security. It’s the worst feeling in the world to think our world/our lives are spiraling out of control while you just want to live life, raise your kids and “feel normal”.
None of us signed up for the last two years of this. Most people have major cognitive dissonance. Look at Australia… they are putting people in camps and half the Aussies don’t seem worried about it.
Keep the communication open, let her know you love her and the kids, and honestly the best thing might be a change of pace or scenery for a bit. A weekend away or some fun evenings with the kids without worrying about all the horrors in the world. Some flowers, a date night or just a text in the middle of the day letting her know you’re thinking about her.
God bless friend and hang in there. God will see you through this, and see all of us through this.
You say your wife is a Christian, are you? God can heal a marriage. I suggest you go online and look up ACBC -Association of Certified Biblical Counselors and find a counselor near you and get into counseling. Not only can it save your marriage, it can save your life if you are not a believer.
https://biblicalcounseling.com/
Both my wife and I are ACBC counselors and we have worked with married couples going through very difficult times. We have see God work in marriages that we thought were headed for divorce, only to see Him work in them and create marriages that thrive. I pray He will work in your marriage as well.
Now that you are communicating about things, sit down with her and suggest you together make list of the things you both consider to be problems that need to be resolved. Then rank them from most important to least important. Then start discussing the least important ones first (low hanging fruit) and come up with solutions. Work your way up the list. As you both recognize each other's needs and wants, be gracious to one another and willing to put each other's needs before your own. If you get to a problem you can't resolve together, seek some help.
Heavenly Father, please bless this man & wife with your presence, draw them to the strength you offer in your word that they may see the plans you have for them together as husband & wife, and give them wisdom & discernment concerning all things that affect their family. Let them hear each other’s hearts & relieve each others fears that drive the emotions which could cause division. Let them come together as one to follow where you lead. Bless them and their family with your joy and fill them with your peace all the days of their lives. I ask this in Jesus’ Holy name. Amen.
a beautiful prayer. I join you in this prayer, in Jesus' name. He promises 'wherever 2 or more of you are gathered in His name, He will be there.'
Amen.
Amen. Beautiful prayer.
Me, too. Lifted you both up!
I have prayed.
If you're having trouble discussing this then perhaps you could try to write her a letter. Write to the caring woman you love and speak only of how the world is making you feel and your fears for the well being of the family. Be careful not to accuse anyone of anything. Be loving and vulnerable and let her know. Take a few days to think about exactly what you want to say.
If the letter doesn't spark a discussion, ask her to write you a letter or just tell you how she feels.
Just a suggestion.
You may not be able to change her view of the world, but you may be able to reach a compromise.
I'd add, write the letter and then sleep on it and reread it. Give yourself time to consider your words hot and cold, as it were. May God help you both to work this out.
I would just like to add, be loving and kind. You are to love her as Christ loves the church. Marriages are complicated because there are two sinners in it. It is so worth the work to heal it though. You’re supposed to lift each other up. No bad mouthing one another to the kids, family, friends or co workers. Do things for her that she wouldn’t expect but is thoughtful. Make her tea or coffee in the morning. Little things mean a LOT. Mostly, however, you have the right idea. Prayer and being in the word is paramount. Praying for your family and may God bless you all.
If you have time, watch this video in full and mainly do one thing
LISTEN AND BE FULLY PRESENT WITH ALL SHE SAYS AND LET HER EMOTIONS DO NOT HARM YOU, BUT BE HEARD, SEEN AND FELT WITH AN OPEN HEART AND COMPASSION. Don't say anything, look her in the eyes and be fully present.
She will feel loved for the first time in her life. Women crave that! Women crave a strong centered man who is present in the storm who will not fight or run!
Yes, I am a lady pede and speak from experiene. Always after a sudden fight when my boy friend starts to listen and to be present, I instantly calm down, feel his love and come back to reason.
WE NEED STRONG MEN AND THEIR LOVE, PRESENCE AND COMPASSION. Because our emotions in stressing times drive us nuts and helpless.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh-eKRGvmCg&t=3s
If you have not so much time, watch from timestamp 45:00 on.
May the Almighty God bless your marriage with love, peace and strength - every day even stronger.
If you have kids there is no such thing as divorce or living seperately. You are bonded together for life, due to payments, love for the kids, decision making etc.
You'll do just fine. God Speed. 🙏
A+++ advice.
Just received a "note" from my wife recently as well. It happens!
Not comparing our situations OP; they are very different (they always are). But if there's any "Answer" it's this.
God provides, let Him speak.
Letter writing is a great way to overcome the emotional turmoil of in the moment disagreements. It allows you to be truthful as well as thoughtful without the emotion induced brain fog, accusatory declarations and defensive degradation.
I agree with the sleep on it before you give her the letter advise as well.
Ask her to write you a response and afterwords you can both discuss from a more enlightened platform.
It is the emotional responses that kill reasoned discussion in a marriage. I think anyone who has been married can understand this point.
Were you ultimately able to resolve the issue another way and if so, how?
Tell her you are at your breaking point when it comes to what you'll let them do to your children.
Ask her what her breaking point is.
Ask her exactly what it will take until she cannot abide by them abusing her children any longer.
Don't demand an answer immediately. Let her think about it for a couple days.
Stop telling her what you know.
Ask more questions. The only way to break programming is to get them thinking again. The only way to make someone think is to ask questions.
When they teach apes sign language, there are 6 words that they can never formulate.
Who, What, When, Where, How and Why.
Those are necessary to construct sentences that permit conversation; you cannot converse without them.
I'll say a prayer for you and your children. They are the ones being attacked here, not you nor your wife. It's always about the kids.
God bless.
After you have given her both some time to speak her mind, and time to formulate some questions of her own, ask her about dreams and hopes for the children. We mommas want to do what's right by them. Also, If you can convince her to at least pray with you about it and not do anything behind your back, you will have won at least half (if not more!) of the battle. There is much good advice here, but DagnyDocket's and test_pattern's stood out to me. Helping her find that red line may take some gentle information dropping, (like the masks sent to the lab info I posted below), but wait until she is both open and receptive.
Prayers for you all. Not sure on kids’ ages or how much they dislike the masks, but if there is passion around that issue perhaps have the kids talk to her directly asking for her to champion for them, too. Or if they feel let down that she’s not. Not to put them in the middle but to be real - parents are the advocates and hearing from your child something that bothers or hurts them may get her attention in a way you never can. GL.
Prayers for you and your wife, fren. Prayer is powerful. Trust me, I've been married for 30 years, and it would not have lasted without God being involved.
You're welcome. I know arguing with my better half is heart-aching. But it does happen because we're absolutely not perfect. God hears our prayers and He will see you both through this.
Okay. I’m sick of the masks too. I just wrote my school board, so what happens if the kids just take them off? They never wrote back. I feel like I live in crazy town (California).
Same here. My husband will not help with this. He doesn’t wear the mask for 30+ hours! He’s also too busy with work to really contemplate the insanity of it and that our kids are going to think we were nuts. At least he’s 110% anti-vaxx. I may need to move but I’m in denial. I feel your pain. I’m angry daily Bit the masks (and the vaxx) and I know it’s not healthy. I’m not handling it well nor with compassion. Just angry.
If she’s anti vax, especially with regard towards the kids, think thru the reason why and how that same basis of logic can be applied to the other points you have a concern over. Sometimes you have to compromise and pick your battles, and the kids in masks might be one of them as that’s far less important in the long run than when the jab pressure kicks up to another level, not to mention your sanity and relationship.
Maybe this study from Florida will help:
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/scottmorefield/2021/06/15/a-group-of-parents-sent-their-kids-face-masks-to-a-lab-for-analysis-heres-what-they-found-n2591047
It might even make her more anti- mask than you... And share these stats with teachers and others who are open and care about children.. Quietly, but share them.
I hear you. You’re not alone!
Praying for you and your family. 🙏
“Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing this family with your gifts of love, patience, understanding, peace, and joy.”
Move, pack your things and move to an area that is not masking kids. Look into charter schools or even home schooling. Get her around based people, let her find some new ground through talking with them. Your marriage is worth it. It may seem undoable at this time, but looking back in a year if you dont and you have split it will be somrthing you will wish you had done .
You have to respect her wishes and listen to her first, then she will return your feelings.
Smart men like Trump still took 3 tries, so don't feel bad if things break.
Praying only helps if it's out of your control, and as the head of the family things should be under your control. Control here refer to yourself and not others like your wife and kids. If the marriage is not good, it's in your control. If where you live is no good it's in your control.
Many have had success vacationing in florida maskless.
Kids and school is very much under your control if that's the main issue. Online courses and a smart well paid "babysitter" is an option. Find better work with more time for family is another good option.
Are you unleashing your frustration with the state of the world on your partner and best friend? You pledged your love and loyalty for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part.
Apologize. Wrap your arms around her (she may resist for a moment if you hurt her feelings with cruel words), and apologize. She’s your beloved, the mother of your children. Humble yourself, apologize, and ask for her help in being a better support to her.
I also recommend spending a few dollars on the book “Men are like Waffles, Women are Spaghetti”. Very helpful.
Good luck.
it's a mess, isn't it. do this before you go to sleep: take this heavy burden - the pain, the hurt, despair, uncertainty, regret, frustration, unfairness, the loneliness - everything that has got you to this precipice, and hand the whole burden to Jesus. don't worry about your wife. He's got a plan for her too.
when you ask Him to take your burden, be ready to receive His in exchange - "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
guaranteed, when we're at the end of our rope, when we've run out of ideas, when there seems no way out, our Father and His Son conspire to deliver us to a new path forward -- the thing that is best and right for you and for each and every person involved as well. it's easy for Him. and He will make it easier for you.
Always start with a humble apology.
This is about more than an argument - this is about whether you stay married, which means another man (or evil stepmother) potentially hurting your children, and you dying young because married men (not divorced ones) live longer.
Start treating her like you did when you were trying to convince her to hitch her wagon to your star - you are a man, so fix it, and if you don’t know how, LEARN.
Rooting for u brother. God bless u and ur family better times will come
Try and get her off all social media. That’s part of what’s poisoning her brain I’m pretty sure
Same here… much love to you and your family. You’ll be in my prayers from now on🥰
Will pray for you my fren. Put it in God’s hands, don’t let this consume you.
Sounds like what my son is going thru. I told him to give it some time, for the truth to come out & hopefully the brain washing will fade away.
I know exactly what you are going through fren. Stay strong, stand firm in truth, and pray to God that he removes the evil that is destroying our world.
Praying. Family issues are terrible. Have had ongoing issues with an adult child for over ten years. It's been exhausting and demoralizing. I'm at the stage of letting go and make them take responsibility. Tough decision, and you're in a tougher spot because you have young children involved. Prayer has been incredibly helpful, so keep praying. I wish you the very best, these situations are extremely difficult, but God cares.
You cannot run away from problems and you must face them head on. I have no kids but I am in a very similar place as you. I am much happier right now even when I am a bees dick away from losing everything. Why? Because I am ready. Because I am not about to surrender who I am, my values, just so I can fall in line for something that is false. I am sending prayers your way to give you strength, for your children to be safe, as for your wife to have better knowledge.
You'll be in my prayers.
I feel your pain as I too have been going through the same. Christian wife asleep and fearful. Masks on kids. Strife in marriage--each saying things that we can't take back... to the point where my wife brought up divorcing me a couple months ago.
I'm willing to hear you out. I'd also be willing to share my experience with you. My wife and I had a HUGE breakthrough 4 days ago.
Have you considered joining Sletcha's prayer garden on Guilded? Maybe that's an easier forum to talk.
Lifting you and your wife up in prayer, fren. The LORD saves and he will save your marriage. Keep trusting HIM.
Here's a link. I go by the same username there: https://www.guilded.gg/r/zzMlvAGQYR?i=dVBr5RRd
I will be praying for you. I think you may be at the point where, masks suck, but having peace in the home might be more useful for the kids. I pray you will fine some comfort and peace in these hard times.
everything is a hard situation. hard decisions. i do not know what the right answer is but i struggle with it ever day.
you are not alone
Find strength and hope in t
Remember God first and family right next to God. All this other stuff will pass. An apology with flowers never hurts and learn to know when to keep your mouth shut and let her rave. She is under a lot of pressure too with kids, school, house cleaning, cooking and all the other stuff even if she doesn't have a job. Prayers for you, her and your children.
Been going through same (married 25 years). We are in 100% agreement in everything re: what's happening now, but there are lots of emotions going on and conflicts over our needs and efforts to connect with each other. I know we are both under massive stress and we have said things that can't be unsaid...Tonight started out like that, but somehow we wound up in each other's arms...feeling close and in love.
Be honest. Expose yourself. Humble yourself. Pray.
I'll be praying for you.
Prayers offered & empathy felt fren.
So much great advice here already. Follow the suggestions of love & sincere questions that invite answers are great.
I love you fren & pray you will find a way through this chaos.
Praying for you, fren, and your family.
As a mom and wife, I feel both sides of this. I’m what you would consider hardcore into research and trying to find the answers in these tough situations. I’ve been raging against the commie machine so to speak. My husband’s on the same page but he doesn’t have the time to read and research that I have and I think I drive him a little crazy with it all sometimes. I confronted my child’s school about vaccines, put her in private school to avoid the mask issue, and they all know where we stand.
That being said, it’s exhausting being on fire all the time. Other areas of life suffer. You may be feeling more alone with all this concern that she doesn’t seem as worried about; and she may be feeling scared. Women want and need security. It’s the worst feeling in the world to think our world/our lives are spiraling out of control while you just want to live life, raise your kids and “feel normal”.
None of us signed up for the last two years of this. Most people have major cognitive dissonance. Look at Australia… they are putting people in camps and half the Aussies don’t seem worried about it.
Keep the communication open, let her know you love her and the kids, and honestly the best thing might be a change of pace or scenery for a bit. A weekend away or some fun evenings with the kids without worrying about all the horrors in the world. Some flowers, a date night or just a text in the middle of the day letting her know you’re thinking about her.
God bless friend and hang in there. God will see you through this, and see all of us through this.
You say your wife is a Christian, are you? God can heal a marriage. I suggest you go online and look up ACBC -Association of Certified Biblical Counselors and find a counselor near you and get into counseling. Not only can it save your marriage, it can save your life if you are not a believer. https://biblicalcounseling.com/
Both my wife and I are ACBC counselors and we have worked with married couples going through very difficult times. We have see God work in marriages that we thought were headed for divorce, only to see Him work in them and create marriages that thrive. I pray He will work in your marriage as well.
Let me know if you would like to discuss your situation and how you might discuss some options with your wife.
Now that you are communicating about things, sit down with her and suggest you together make list of the things you both consider to be problems that need to be resolved. Then rank them from most important to least important. Then start discussing the least important ones first (low hanging fruit) and come up with solutions. Work your way up the list. As you both recognize each other's needs and wants, be gracious to one another and willing to put each other's needs before your own. If you get to a problem you can't resolve together, seek some help.