I don't know what to do anymore. I have been unemployed for six months. I have applied for hundreds of jobs and I start a part time minimum wage job soon. So I cashed out my 401k to get a car to get to said job, but that broke down 3 days later.
My family thinks I am lazy so they don't want to give me rides anymore. I tried to walk to get groceries but that's exhausting, I have four young kids we need a lot of stuff.
I built my dream home on the family farm so I have almost no bills. But I don't know what to do. I just feel hopeless. If I move to a job I would have to pay thousands more a month for rent but I am broke. My husband is deeply depressed so he definitely can't help with anything. My family wants me to kick him out and marry a rich guy but that seems like a terribly immortal thing to do.
I've always believed that when God closes a door he opens a window but I can't find a way out of this.
You need to get your husband moving. Pray for him, encourage him, but also draw lines. He is the provider for the family, and if he’s not doing that then he is failing in his main obligation.
If there's no work there's no work. What's he supposed to do?
Create your own jobs.
There are signs on every store and restaurant that they are hiring.
Silly, silly you could literally sign up for door dash in 5 minutes and start delivering immediately. Thats just a single example. There are hundreds of opportunities for someone who actually wants to work.
Lord, I pray you will be with Angela84 and her family. Show her the opportunities she needs to find good employment to support her family. Please be with her husband and heal his depression so he can be the partner she needs in this difficult time. Bless this family dear Lord. Amen.
Prayers for you fren.
Can you give us more on your husband's depression?
Maybe it's worth making sure he's getting all his vitamins and starting him on a low dose lithium supplement ( not the same dosage that they give for bpd , but just as supplement ) For example 130 mg a day of Lithium orotate which provides 5mg of elemental lithium. It's really an essential nutrient we are low on in our diets, like magnesium, zinc, boron, iodine, so many others.
I have heard that low dose lithium helps the brain to regenerate cells in the hippocampus and therefore helps the laying down of new memories and associations which can help overwrite depression and PTSD.
I'll find some links if you need.
I am not a doctor, this isn't medical advice.
Don't let your family tell you that you aren't doing what you should in life!
Edit: another question, what's up with your car?
My husband is against taking more pills. I've tried a few things vitamin d, iodine and a few others. I garden and had him in an all home grown plant diet for a few months Then did carnivore for a few months, until I lost my job. Nothing seems to help him.
He used to play way to much video games. I got super mad and told him he has to stop, cause we are screwed, like two months ago. He got into reading and sleeps way too much.
My old car the transmission broke. The new one the electric dies randomly. The repair man can't figure out why.
Maybe it is time to tell him to leave.
Maybe that is the motivation he needs.
I did tell him to leave. I hope it's motivating. But it's what the kids need.
Doctors normally say that moving your big muscles and getting out in the sunshine also helps a great deal with depression.
I'll tell you one thing that helped my chronic depression which I had when I was younger, facing up to the real truth about the world and how shitty it is actually helped my depression. I stopped focusing on myself and a lot of the cognitive dissonance which I had from subconsciously disbelieving the mainstream media disappeared.
Darn those electrical problems in cars.
Maybe at least get him a fishing pole. You can still get your meat and he can reconnect with God and do what needs to be done for the family.
It might be the case that depression is not from low serotonin like we are told, but more so either low dopamine or low total available energy, often as a result of chronic stress.
If that is the case, it make sense that people with it get addicted to video games or books, because the brain is desperate to either get a dopamine hit or withdraw from life stresses.
This guy has a lot of interesting ideas on depression. Some of them are pretty easy: daylight for the eyes, D and B vitamins, gelatin or collagen peptides and sugar or honey.
Prayers on the way.
Praying for you fren.
I will pray for you, Angela.
Is there a Christian church nearby? God will draw near to you if you draw near to him.
I’m very confident that you will get more out of God than you put in the relationship but you have to treat him as a real person. He sees through the religious expressions and into your heart.
I used to go to church every week and was very involved. Now it's hard to get there literally and spiritually. I was trying to live the gospel and help others. Now I don't know everything is so bleak.
There in there lies the problem.
Read Job on how he lost everything but never abandoned his faith in Gid.
Try to keep things simple. Live one day at a time. Trust God...use everything you are going through as an opportunity to trust Him in Whom all things were created! I have been in worse shape than you are in...way worse! Although I was hardly a good example of how to trust God in those days, God still was there, always. Don't let the evil one play tricks on your mind telling you things like you don't have enough faith or God's not there. Lies! All lies! God can bring you through this difficult time no matter how strong you are. God's power is made perfect in our weakness. Amen?
Praying for you...remember, a new day brings new hope and your situation can change for the better where and when you least expect it!
Finally, your husband needs you...you need each other. Pray for your husband. Never forget what it was like when you were dating. Depression is absolutely devastating. Jesus, literally is the answer. Read God's Word daily.
In essence, use this time to get as close to God as you can and never wander away...
Dear God help this family in need. Motivate her husband to become more responsible and out of his harmful thinking. May your will be blessed in Your sons name.
Amen.
I dealt with, and still deal with deep depression. I went a time without working and was in a worse situation than you describe, but I'm going to be blunt and gentle at the same time about your husband; hes got to get to work. For my first 4 months after starting my job, that was about 3 months before my traumatic event I clawed and literally cried my way through each day at work. I stayed up all night in panic and having episodes. I stayed so anxious and indecisive on my jobs that I would constantly have flashbacks and tremors. But I pushed and I pushed, and I'm still pushing. I'm still really messed up, but not as bad as I was.
I learned how to fight fire with fire, the stress of the job ironically misdirected the immense pain I am going through. Hell I didn't even want to start the job, but I knew unless I was ready to sell my home, in an economy knowing I won't find anywhere else to go, I had no choice but to go work. Before this, i was in the hospital, I isolated myself away from family. I practically lived like I was homeless, I didn't even go inside my own house for 5 months since I knew she wasn't there any more and God has her, staying at hotels and camping outside in a tent, with nothing but a bottle of liquor, smokes, and a small fire. I couldn't cut my own grass, went without bathing, barely ate (I lost 30 lbs and I'm already a thin person), and went into a lot of debt. I know the pain.
But he's gotta get to work. A job where he's working outside, constantly moving, where he doesn't have enough time to focus on the pain. And you should probably stay home and focus on the children. Y'all are in a much better position than you realize, please don't get to where I was. I don't wish this pain not even on my greatest enemy.
Assuming you are in a fairly remote location, maybe instead of a part time minimum wage that requires a car, can you do online work instead? A few years ago there were jobs online for writing captions, for making audio for books, etc. With AI i'm sure these jobs won't last but there probably other things out there, could be worth looking into, you can also design merch to sell online with just your phone and free apps, then you can stay home with the kids.
Also you said you're on the family farm, can you make money that way? Breeding rare chickens, starting a rabbit business (breed and sell quality rabbits, sell the meat if you are up to it, selling the poop to gardeners - I always have gardeners asking me if I have extra rabbit poop to sell them. There are so many ways to make money off of rabbits. You could also plant some easy fast growing flowers and start a pick-your-own biz for a dollar a stem. What are the cottage laws in your state? Can you sell baked goods? Canned goods? Dried herbs or spices? Since you have access to land, dried herbs and spices would probably have the highest profit margins. You don't need any fancy equipment to dry them, and you can package in small bags that are cheap.
Sorry I have no advice when it comes to finding a job because I've always made money on my own so that's the only advice I have to give. And I've done this since the 90's using flyers and putting them up everywhere and I can tell you it's only gotten easier with social media to start your own biz overnight and get eyes on it quickly.
And depression or not your husband has to contribute to the survival of his family. Depression usually stems from lack of purpose, he needs something to occupy his time. He can help you make money off the land by working with you as a team. It wasn't that long ago that if a person didn't pull their own weight, then they didn't eat.
Oh goodness I am not starting another business!!!? I lost thousands trying to start something on the weekends. Ive dried herbs and made soaps and candles and knitting. Sold at a loss or not at all.
Then I learned a half dozen programming languages. I made my own apps, technically for money it worked out to 5$ an hour, I guess I could go back to that. That is the most profitable thing I've done.
It feels like I am crappy at everything I do. I am not sure where it goes wrong. At in person 9-5's they love me dedication. I've never had a bad review. But other then that it just doesn't work.
Many people do not understand the commitment in time, money, and energy when it comes to starting your own business. With four young children, you are already tasked with four full time jobs. If anything, you are doing too much, and taking on the bulk of the responsibility for your family. Your husband needs to step up - according to your description, it seems like he’s the fifth child. Being over responsible is a “condition” I am all too familiar with, and others see it and can’t help but take advantage. I pray for you and your husband, for strength and confidence.
My instinct is to encourage you to push your husband. However I would try the opposite. First let me tell you I was the main bread winner in my family for years. It finally started hurting my health. Men lose faith in their ability to be a good man when their wife does better then they do. Find little thing that he is doing and praise him. Dont be fake maybe its the way he speaks to the kids. Or that he didn't make a mess in the kitchen and leave it for you. Find something to honestly praise him about. Maybe it will only be once a week and maybe he won't even notice. Do fun things with the kids where he can see. If he notices the family being strong he may comment and if he does ask him to join in. Saying thank you to him also helps but if you can rebuild his view of himself it helps so much. As you draw closer as a family you can face anything. I know you are in an urgent situation but try your best to not complain in front of him. Remove all chaos front the home. Keep the house as neat as possible. Have the kids help. A two year old can match socks and feels grown up while doing it. Your family needs confidence that they are capable before they step out the door. You are the mom and responsible for your family feels about your situation. You can't do it all. Enlist help. You can't build a foundation of financial success with out you. BTW, in closing, search indeed for Enterprise jobs. My husband worked from home four 4 years. His pay was around $24 an hour when cancer ended his career. Not bad when you have no drive and arent going out to lunch or dinner (because you're tired) all the time. Above all be kind to yourself, let people think what their going to think. As long as you can look in the mirror and face yourself its none of their business. God bless you. You have a tough road ahead but you can do it.
Prayers up. Continually pray to God to light a fire under your husband. You made a covenant with God when you got married. Meaning there are 3 of you in that marriages the best part is one of them is Jesus. Cry out to Jesus!
Last week I was feeling the same. I saw a car in front of my with Proverbs 31 as license plate. I read it when I got home and my attitude at least got better it might help as we all sit in this weird waiting period of hope but nothing happening.
Where there is a will, there is a way, you can do many things if you have the drive and ambition. Do not give up, you will find a way to get to work. You can pay a co-worker to get you to work and then save up for your own car. Lots of places are having trouble finding good employees, people got lazy after Covid and don’t want to work so there are openings. Trust in the Lord and remember that it is darkest before the dawn. Good things will come your way, believe it!
Sending prayers your way. Hang in there!
Praying for you now. May God lead you to the perfect outcome, in spirit and truth. Amen.
You and your family will be in my prayers.
Praying the Lord will direct you and your husband in the right path. keep the faith and keep seeking the Lord with all your heart.
when POTUS reached up and said fight, fight, fight, we need to do that with our everyday lives as well as our spiritual lives. God bless friend and keep us updated.
So I decided to leave him. It is going really well so far. He was definitely taking advantage of the situation. Without him in the way we will probably be just fine, I just didn't realize how much of an energy suck he was.
There you go. Now if he shapes up on his own and can support you in the future, then, let him talk to you about your relationship if he ever does.
Your husband sounds like he is under demonic oppression, unless he wants to get out, things will never change. Is there a reason (aside from being depressed) that he can’t work? I’m surprised he isn’t convicted by his own manhood to do something to help the family, that’s a pretty strong motivator. Has he always been like this? There’s a lot going on here, there’s no simple answer to this kind of situation. Prayers fren, I can’t imagine the stress you’re dealing with.
Prayers up 🙏!!!