My cousin is 14, born a female and now "out" as a ftm transgender. It's honestly a sad story. She knows I'm conservative but we talked about it for a while and why she wants to be a boy.
She said puberty was uncomfortable and she hated getting her period. She's always been athletic so she didn't like that boys got stronger and better at sports than her as she got older. "It feels like no matter how hard I try as a girl I'll never be as good so nothing is worth it." - her words. She said she thought girly stuff was stupid and never really liked it, and that she was afraid of being sexualized as she got older. She said she thinks she's trans because all her friends are boys and she never liked wearing dresses and stuff.
Interestingly enough, she's actually kind of conservative for her age on a lot of issues. She's made fun of Biden before and likes hunting and fishing and stuff. She likes Trump.
Just thought I'd offer a first person account I guess. It's a sad story.
She's a classic Tom Boy.
I was friends with a few Tom Boy's back in my school days in the 1990's and they are all happy mothers with husbands now.
Sad that Tom Boy's aren't accepted any more and aren't told that it's ok to be a bit masculine while still being a female.
I was the same way, too. Always climbed trees, fished, liked camping and being outdoors. Was a Tom Boy who played mostly with my younger brother. But I blossomed into being fully female while late in HS and College.
And my daughter was so much a tom boy and athletic that the boys were in awe of her strength. Even my husband secrectly wondered when she was in 8th grade if she was gonna be gay. I said she's just a tom boy and will outgrow her female awkwardness. And she did!
Tomboy are great moms.
Yes!
totally agree! To top it all off, I matured early (had my first period at 9, then skipped a year and started in earnest at 11) and hated to have to wear those uncomfortable "belts" and try to keep them centered while wearing them! I also developed breasts around age 9 and was extremely embarrassed by them. Absolutely none of my friends had them (or periods) and I was horrified by my own body...:-) Most of my friends in HS were boys and I was never very "girly". BUT the thought never crossed my mind that maybe I was a boy in disguise. Now that we've given those girls the option of being a boy instead... But what if, as trans men later on, they aren't attracted to women like a man would be, so they have to become gay men instead? It's so confusing-moreso than getting thru adolescence as a tom boy!
Yeah, the belts were the worst!
I think Tom Boys are generally accepted by men. They are so much easier to get along with. The pressure against it comes from women.
Yeah, I lamented my female puberty - grew out of it.
You nailed it. The disappearing tom boy meme! So real. Tom boys can make great mothers!
In the Philippines they use Tomboy as the word for Lesbian with no negative connotation.
She is just a tom boy not a trans. I grew up never wearing dresses. I was good looking when I was younger and I did not like being sexualized either but it is what it is.
She is going to regret transitioning. If she thinks she doesnt like her periods wait till she has to shave every day and still has stubble she cannot get rid of.
Transitioning will not make her faster or stronger in the end she is a women regardless of what she looks like.
I really hope she hasnt gone too far yet because once she does she will be totally unhappy with no way to go back to her original form.
She hasn't started hormones or anything yet, and her parents are against that. She started wearing a binder and got a shorter haircut, like just less than shoulder length.
Binders cause permanent damage, see what you can do to inform/show her that. One of mine was such a tom boy, quite the bad ass, was in boxing and loved being in the outdoors. When she hit middle school they somehow convinced her she was gay and that she needed to get her breasts removed - she was 12. We pulled her out of middle school and home schooled her for two years until we could get her into a charter high school. Half way through her freshmen year she had a beautiful long hombre haircut, a cute boyfriend an appropriate relationship with him for a pair of 14 year olds, and she was happy with herself again. We had a hard long road deprogramming her, but it was never a battle, we just did it with love and information and by showing her truths. Good luck fren, at least you guys can have conversations so keep them going.
If her parents prevent her from making physical changes to her body, she'll almost certainly come to accept her body and will turn out fine.
This is a prime example of the consequences of DS propaganda of gender confusion. Have kids think something is wrong with themselves when nothing is wrong.
I Hopefully have some encouraging words for you. When my daughter was 13, she told us she was a boy and fought hard to transition. In our case, we told her nothing was changing until she turned 18, if she still felt that way we would accept it. By 16yo, she was crushing on boys and now at 19, she's married and just had a son, my first grandson. Minds change when hormones kick in.
Good story that may help others overcome the issue. And congratulations.
I think this is why they are so desperate to get kids on puberty blockers as young as possible, so the sex hormones never fully kick in and thus they never realize they were never trans.
Glad you didn't over react. Imagine if during that time of learning to manage her hormones, and going through some changes in self presentation and figuring out who you are, she was being attacked and maligned as evil and you as a parent were accused vocally by strangers that you are grooming as a pedo satanist or something.
Look, there's the media and whatever they are doing with this shit. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your story about your daughter is the same story many parents are dealing with. I have a friend that went through almost the exact same story as you. I've heard many. I am repelled by extremism and think that the left and the right have allowed the media to gaslight them into making the story much less banal than just a story of children and parents going through normal hormonal challenges together.
I'm glad you shared that btw.
For mine, it was the school system. She went to the guidance counselor upset one day, came home the same day with booklets on being transgender. We learned that last part only recently.
I love it! Congratulations on the grandson! How cool is that?!
This is the way.
She’s not a trans kid, she’s a confused kid. Our world is playing on that confusion 😢
Every child hates puberty - both boys and girls. It’s a hard part of life, and no girl that age wants to be sexualized.
She really needs to watch “What is a woman” by Matt Walsh…what she’s being led to believe is dangerous!
I have to plug this amazing amazing book that tackles the subject of the the Matt Walsh movie. It is dense and exhaustive and I wouldn't have finished it if not for audiobooks. But it is for really getting answers and understanding history and concepts of cultural movements and how we define ourselves as individuals as well as a collective. And like I said, it is a very scholarly and high minded good faith attempt at explaining how and why we got here, asking that very question. What is a woman? How is it that people even understand the question at all? He explains. The author is a Christian academic. Very conservative.
Oh yeah. Lol. The book. Here
https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Rise_and_Triumph_of_the_Modern_Self.html?id=6pf9DwAAQBAJ&source=kp_book_description
Here as well, downloadable: https://zlibrary-global.se/book/6787137/4e6ebd
Bless you for having a relationship with your cousin that allows you to have this very personal conversation. I was a tomboy too. I was the first girl born into my family for 64 years. I was surrounded by males and to this day find it easier to understand men then women. In a time when we girls wore dresses every day, my mom sewed pockets into my skirts. I hated my period, hated that I had to carry a purse and completely dismissed any boy that payed any sort of sexual interest in me. Until I was about 15, maybe 16? I would try to get your cousin to delay any movement toward transitioning to male until her hormones catch up. I'm 61 now and I discovered during my maturation is that I had the best of both worlds. Two marriages and three kids later, I can honestly say I was lucky to be born when I was. Not only could I be the tomboy I always was but I found I was also given a unique vision of what a woman could be. Please help her hang on during the next couple of years while she discovers the good parts of being a woman. Bless you and your cousin
Well said. I am also 61 and I didn't fit the mold of a CA girl back then; not a blonde and I am short. Oh, I am was a tomboy too. Actually, back then, we were just kids (until menses came, then, we were "little ladies"). There isn't anything wrong with either sex being great at sports, chess, math, cooking, sewing etc. It doesn't make you gay if you are a male and love vacuuming, or if you are a female and love mowing the lawn. It makes you a well rounded person having lots of skills. ((Big hugs to your cousin. Let her know this tomboy when she got older, started to like and even love some "girly" things that she disliked with a passion as a young teen. (The color pink, now love it for example.)
She needs to sit down and watch several hours of detransitioner videos. She will come to the conclusion she wants to be a boy, she isn't a boy, she just wants what having testosterone rushes do to a boys body. She will never have that and will never be happy, no matter how many body parts she cuts off. This girl is on tbe road to suicide, as family you need to help stop that.
Definitely. Very many suicidal transitioners who cannot "unmultilate" themselves. The issue of self-loathing needs addressing. Don't let kids grow up Godless and lost with no self-esteem.
She’s a Tom boy. It’s a normal thing. A normal GIRL thing. “THEY” have convinced her to be a boy. “THEY” are wrong. It’s a phase, a normal phase. Go play, have fun with the boys, wear whatever you are comfortable in. You are a normal GIRL!
I've always been more interested in sci fi than chick flicks. I grew up reading Edgar Rice Burroughs, Ray Bradbury, and Robert Heinlein. I collected comic books. I like computers, I like power tools, I prefer to watch construction videos to make up tutorials. I just bought a new gaming computer and I'm in my fifties, yet I'm very much a woman. I fix things around the house and do yard work. I can't cook worth a darn I burn grilled cheese sandwiches. Y
Tell your cousin that being a woman is awesome, to be herself. Just because you like guy things does not make you a guy it just means you have different interests there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I don't own a dress, I get along better with men than I do women, my shoes consist of hey dudes and crocs. But I'm still very much a woman.
Wow! A lot of that sounds like me. SciFi, computers, power tools, tools in general, construction videos, action movies, do some small repairs around the apartment. I do make sourdough bread, kombucha, and kefir and cook for myself--nothing fancy, but decent food. Never was interested in makeup, dolls, hated dresses and do not own any, I like functional shoes versus girly shoes, had a couple of motorcycles, drive a stick and always have......I am really appreciating hearing other tomboys speak up--it's been pretty solitary.
You're not alone. Lol it kind of runs in my family. My own mom loved working on the farm working in the field she could drive tractors, and combines, her sisters did too. My mom could also drive semi, and she was foreman for a road construction company. She was also a great bookkeeper, and a cook. One of my aunts work for a construction company, another worked in a warehouse they earned good pay for what they did this was back in the 70s and 80s not normal jobs for women. The only time I ever saw my mom cry about something she couldn't do was when she needed to hem curtains. I do love to crochet, read, and I can sew sort of, well enough to hem curtains for my mom lol. Oh I'm 57 I grew up being me instead of what someone expected of me. I do have dress clothes for when the occasion calls for it, although I'm much happier in jeans and a casual top.
More feminist poison rears its head. They celebrate periods. No woman in her right mind celebrates them. Now she thinks something is wrong with her because she hates them like all normal women. Let her know that plenty of girls grew up Tomboys and we are fine.
I knew lots of girls who were tomboy as kids and grew out of it in their high-school years. She has not completed puberty, she does not even have the hormones rushing thru her body yet that will give her all the WOMAN feelings. She is going thru what lots of young girls go thru until puberty. She just now has people telling her that her normal feelings are because she was born in wrong body.
Save her before it’s too late. She’s a girl who’s confused because of the propaganda suffocating her
She sounds a little confused and that’s ok, she’s a Tomboy and there’s nothing wrong with that, my wife is too, she hangs out with me and my friends well more than other women, best mother I’ve ever met also. I’ve always liked the Tomboy ladies, don’t know why, just do. She thinks she’s trans because of society more than likely imo. Sounds as if she needs an older Tomboyish lady to be her friend.
First comment nailed it. Classic Tom boy. Be the voice of reason for her and if you can anchor her back to reality.
Yes, I was a tomboy growing up. I liked boys and I liked doing boy things. the daring thrills of activity and all out physical endurance. I liked a challenge, this however did not make me a boy/male. No frilly dresses, and makeup was tedious. In no way did I want to be a boy or ever feel attracted to girls, friends yes. These young women growing up today handing over their identity of female because they do not fit the social narrative are doing a great harm not only to themselves but all women. They need to see the themselves as who they truly were meant to be and are. Where would history be with out the many "Women Warriors"?
Side note: I love being a wife and mother and God willing grandmother.
She needs to watch some Stardom (japanese womens wrestling) and womens powerlifting.
She is young enough that images can still shape her mind
At 14 I was pretty confused too. I didn't go the tom boy route but I could have. Point being most people will grow up and mature and thank God we didn't do ourselves any permanent damage. Lots of Tom boys grow up and make Great moms!
I hope she understands she's just a Tom Boy and doesn't start on the hormones. It's a lifetime of injections and if down the road she wants to stop, it won't be that easy. If she does stop, there are ways to slowly ween off the injections buy she will feel awful and he "natural" hormonal balance can oe permanently messed up.
My advice for these young women is that taste in boys' things is nothing really unusual, and don't do anything rash. You will likely end up falling for some guy and you won't want to be damaged goods.
I did that when I was younger.
It is called a Tom Boy.
I outgrew it.
Keep the lines of communication open, fren.
Hope she doesn't do anything drastic. She might find it's not so bad being a girl when she gets sexually interested in boys. Not all girls are girly girls with tons of makeup and dresses.
I grew up a Tom Boy. I was always with the boys and doing outdoor activities, hated dresses (still do) and I felt more like one of the boys. I am a woman and I am proud. I have children and grandchildren. I have been married for over 2 decades to a man's man, military vet and all around good guy. We enjoy the outside activities still and my closest friend is a guy. My hubby is cool with it because he has always known that we have been close for our whole lives. As for the whole being uncomfortable with puberty and periods. That's life and there are things that can make it a little more bearable now than when I was young. Please let this young lady know she doesn't have to do anything rash and that she will look back at it all when she is older and smile because she could actually have it all. Being one of the guys and being a beautiful strong woman when the time is right. God makes no mistakes. Love and prayers to you and your beautiful Tom Boy cousin.
She is messed up, and I hope you and her family can find someone to clue her in to reality. Wishing won't make it so. God made her and she is perfect. Men are jealous of women because they create new life, with a bit of help from men. This is why women don't prance around in men's clothing like the draggers. What is there to celebrate in that? Nothing beautiful, just ordinary. She is under the spell of Satan's lies.
Basically, she is about to wreck her life because she's very likely 1.) Very smart. Smart girls don't relate well to the common dingbats. 2.) afraid.... afraid there isn't a true, kind, loving male in her future that will cherish her and only her; and that won't hurt her. It's a very common fear, especially when girls everywhere are choosing to become objectified by males, and most males (emphasize most, not all) are just fine with that arrangement. That's a wise thing to avoid, but taking counsel from your fears is not wise.
Tell her this girl grew up to serve in the military, do hard brainy jobs mostly done by guys, marry a great guy, and have two babies to love. Girls that had a little tomboy in them make better moms of males. I hope she'll take this before God and pray about it. In Him we have hope.
As many others women here stated… I was also a tomboy with those same feelings at that age. Grew out of it.
Tell her that girls have ways of dealing with sexualization, teach her those ways. Beg her not to do any hormones until she’s at least 25, make sure she knows the effects are IRREVERSABLE… facial hair, male pattern hair loss, (big deterrent), coarse skin and body hair, aggression. Testosterone causes heightened sexual desire and many FTM trans people are very surprised by all of this. There are many articles you can share with her about how MTF surgery doesn’t work, is painful, has long lasting medical complications. This info is out there, and it might be helpful for you to make sure she reads it, if nothing else. Affirm how awesome she is, just the way she is. Whatever attention she is getting by “coming out as trans” right now, will quickly pass, and she will still be dealing with teen age relationships, puberty, and the heightened emotions of that age. I worked with a girl who started using male hormones at 15…fantasized about becoming a man. Learned she can pass for a man now, but is not and never will be a man. Is regretting it 10 years later. Unable to have normal relationships, because most normal people don’t want to get involved with someone who is trans.
Show her this comment thread. Nobody's judging her or making fun of her, just expressing sorrow for her confusion and trying to help you find more ways to share the truth, that God made her correctly, that she is perfect as the woman that God made her. There is nothing she can ever do to match up to the physicality of men, and that's a good thing. There aren't FTM athletes dominating sports for a good reason.
God gave us special gifts as men and women, and it is important that we embrace our strengths and lean on one another to shore up our weaknesses.
No woman likes getting her period. Our society has tried to separate the natural function of our bodies and sex from the purpose of these things- which is reproduction. We are made in God's image to love and to create, and there is no greater fulfillment of that purpose than creating a child out of your own body to love.
Being a masculine girl is ok! Her ways of thinking may be %-wise more like a guy than a girl. (Me too) but that fact does not mean you have to do anything to alter yourself to physically be more "male". I am so, so hetero. I may think like a guy and think girlie stuff is boring but I sure am not attracted to females. Tom Boy? So what? Never has negatively affected my life.
She’ll regret it after cutting her breasts off. There’ll be no turning back.
I was a tomboy. I relate to her opinions at that age. I finally started getting more feminine in jr high. I remember having to wear a dress every day that my basketball team had a game. At first I hated that, but not for long. I think I reached the perfect balance around 9th grade.
I am in my 50s now and I have to say, it has been very useful to have some masculine traits all these years. I am assertive, physically very capable and active, and have leadership skills. These are not necessarily masculine traits, but interests and physical abilities can vary within all the categories, right? I think the more diverse traits and abilities we have, the better. That way, we can utilize whichever skill works best in each situation.
I can hike up steep mountains, then sit at the top and meditate and pray. I can nurture my husband and kids, then go out and dig a trench for a drainage pipe. I can emotionally empathize with my senior physical therapy patient, then hold up a tall, heavy man while he learns to walk again. I can behave like an athlete, then dress up and let my husband take me on a date, opening doors for me.
Please do pass on to your niece that having no interest in female things at a younger age doesnt stop her from being very balanced in her later teens. And please tell her that those more masculine traits she has just makes her better at managing more kinds of challenges throughout life.
I was a total tomboy who wanted nothing to do with sex or marriage or children.
I have grown up to be a mother of MANY MANY children and I love it! Our society shunned large families, enjoying children, pushing women into careers instead of motherhood, pushed sexual degeneracy in Hollywood movies and culture, etc.
No wonder I wanted no part!
I just wanted to sexually mature at my own speed and because society was so degenerate and sex was everywhere, I wanted to hide in boy clothes and boy hair cuts. Plus, girls were petty and easy to offend and I always had a frank and up front demeanor. Maybe I'm autistic, I don't know. I had a hard time relating to girly-girls and I enjoyed sports. People naturally would ask if I was a lesbian and because I didn't know any different, I just assumed this meant I was a lesbian because I wasn't like the other girls. I would have been talked into being trans if I had been born 10 years later than I was.
In due time I came around, started to have crushes on males my age and eventually got married and had children. Now I LOVE being a woman and I love my role as mom and wife and female and daughter of God. No one was going to force me into it, I had to come into it in my own time. No doubt God brought me to this peace but I didn't know Him when I was young. The more I learned about natural law and the order God created, the more at peace I became with myself, my identity and my role on this Earth. God did not mess up in making your cousin female. He made each one of us with a mission in mind and little cousin is going to be blown away when she realizes God knit her together in her mother's womb and has a life in mind for her that is deeply fulfilling. Suffering is part of this life and it is our path to learning and saintification. Her confusion and suffering now will be a board to spring forward from in the future and will make her more empathetic towards others experiencing the same confusion.
American society as portrayed and broadcast by Hollywood and popular culture is degenerate and I think a lot of children just feel that deep in their souls. The rejection of this popular culture is not embracing LGBTQ but rejecting sexual degeneracy altogether and just being a kid, finding topics that interest you and absorbing knowledge and wisdom like a sponge. Society needs to stop sexualizing the children! It forces them to take on an identity they are not ready to adopt and it leads to confusion and poor outcomes. Children also need to see masculine protective men with strong faith in God and feminine nurturing women with strong faith in God. Children need to see degeneracy rejected and self control embraced.
Godspeed to your little cousin! May God give her eyes wide open to see. I would recommend everyone take up the practice of praying the Rosary each day if possible. It's incredible what it can do for your life and mindset and the wisdom you can obtain by meditating upon the mysteries of our Lord Jesus.
https://marian.org/mary/rosary/how-to-pray
Yeah, I was a Tomboy. Transgender wasnt even a thought, I loved animals and didnt care for frills, I had a few dolls as a young kid but I also wanted toy guns with holsters and boots with spurs. getting your period sucks, cramps, etc, I got over it, no one made a big deal about it, I remember my first holy communion, and that dress, and white shoes, after the photos in the living room, and before our family Sunday dinner, I rushed into my room and took off the stupid dress and got into my pants and a tshirt, my grandma said "hooray, thats my little girl, she's back". No big deal. I still muck around in the barn and my hair, depending on the season, grows longish or gets cut shaggy and short. I am a woman, I dont see that having been a tomboy changed that at all. The media is the place that teen girls are sexualized to all look like these slutty pop stars, but that is not what a woman is, same with drag queens, that is not what a woman is. I clean up real good, but everyday life I am wearing yoga pants AND flannel shirts and shitkickers. I would not like to be Amish because of those long dresses and doiley hats, lol, omg no. Nor do I wear toxic nail polish, and just a touch of make up for special occasions, like my Mom. I love being a woman, we are the nurturers and healers and moms and grans, and we do have wisdom and strength enough to push out babies and have no sleep for the first 3 years and get up and make dinner, and willing to protect our young with any weapon available to us. Hormones and clothing do not change you into the opposite sex. I would tell her that all her feelings about being uncomfortable are not abnormal, but changing into another sex is.
Back in the day a girl could play with toy cars, help her dad fix the car and have little interest in frilly things and dolls, without this somehow meaning 'she MUST be a boy'......