Please pray. Please, please pray. For my mental and emotional health. She just very quickly emptied out everything from the closet. My heart is just ... crushed.
Sorry I keep posting about all this stuff on here. I don't know where else to go to get prayer or healing.
Time to man up.
Looks like it's finally real.
Edit: F this. I'm tired of feeling sad about this shit, ya'll. F it. By the way when she did this I didn't even give it an ounce of energy. Which was different. I need to stop putting so much care on all this and let God handle it. Also, I might feel like this cause I just pumped weights for 30 minutes and listened some upbeat rock music. That'll do it.
Edit 2: And F this little u/KrisAngeln who was too afraid to post it publicly and wants to message me saying I'm a nonstarter and a cuck and that he hopes my wife gives my kids a different dad. F you bro for your lack of compassion - cant even post it publicly? I hope you don't go through multiple family suicides like I did. If you did, you'd know what the f*** pain feels like.
Anyway - I agree with a lot of the messages here. Focusing on myself and my kids now. I'm done. This will be my last sob story (I'm not saying I won't ask for prayers, though).
Dear lord, we place our wants, desires, fears, anxieties, and hopes on you. We trust in you and know you love us all. Lift away these burdens, and keep us strong. Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
I am so sorry for you my friend. Evidently she does have a man somewhere that she doesn't want you to know about. I feel for you as I am sure many others on here have suffered a broken heart and even I myself did. It is not easy and it hurts. God knows your pain and he will comfort you and help you through it. You are at the right place as you are among friends here and there is always someone on here you can talk to. You could even pick someone out and DM them if you didn't want everyone to know. But as long as you have people who care and will listen to you, that is what matters most. I will continue praying for you, and don't worry, when one door closes, God will open a new one. It will be a much stronger door. Once you open it, there will be more love inside that you will hardly be able to contain it all. God knows the path he has set for you and he will help you through this and lead you to the person he chooses you to be with. Put your trust in him and you will see. God bless you as my heart goes out to you. It will get better, I promise.
I agree with Mary. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul. You deserve back what you give. Sounds like you deserve better.
Amen.
Agreed. I'm very sorry for your loss, WTU, but it will get better in ways you currently can't imagine.
Amen. Thank you brother.
Hang in there brother. Same thing happened to me. It’s not the end of the world. God is clearing a path for you.
^^^ THIS ^^^
Never think for a moment that this is something you did. NEVER. You are a good man and usually when this sort of thing happens, the spouse tries to point blame at the other. It is nothing you did. It is her. She will have to work it out. She will awaken one day and ask herself why she did what she did. And she will have to answer to God for it. So please, never take the blame for her feelings and actions. She brought this on, not you. Each day that goes by will become a little bit easier for you. You will never forget her as she was a huge part of your life and she will always hold a special place in your heart. But God will comfort you and he will make room in your heart for another that you will love even more. You may not see it right now, but you will be grateful when God sends you that new lady. God bless you my friend. Please try to sleep easy tonight.
Agree. Even my oldest step daughter (20) says "Dad I dont want her to snap out of this in a year and realize the mistake that she made and that she threw everything away and she's miserable and alone."
Thank you. I can't imagine having anyone else in my life. Don't think I'll ever subject this to myself again. Probably be a hermit. Thanks for your prayers.
This happened to my spouse before we met. Unfaithful, emotionally abusive ex with hidden drug problems. She called it a "backwards blessing." Seems like the end of the world at the time. But it ends up being for the best if you trust God through it. We've been married over 31 years now and we're both still very happy. I promise, life can be better than it's ever been with the right person in your life.
I understand. Love hurts.
I spent 10 years with a woman who mentally tortured me, while she worked a married man to leave his wife for her. Fortunately, there were no kids involved. At some point I realised that:
The second I got free from that poor, sick woman - my life got impossibly better. I look back at myself in those horrible years and I cannot believe that I let myself be fooled into the lies about "being a man". I should have walked away earlier, I shouldn't have tried "to make it work". I shouldn't have tried to change myself to meet my miserable partners' demands. I was right not to give her another chance all those times she weeped down the phone at me after I left.
I pray with all my heart that your freedom from this woman in your life, creates the same improvements in your future as it did in mine.
It is important to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, be strict about any consumption of alcohol. Get sleep. If you succumb to poor habits that destroy your health, you are putting on that spouse your total happiness as a human being and slandering the true dignity of your own life. I understand how bad it hurts, I have been there and ended up having a nervous breakdown because I didn’t take care of my health. I think now they call it depression nowadays. Nonetheless, eventually I won over the loss. You can win too.
Totally wrong. When as men do we start accepting responsibility for ourselves as leaders. I can tell by his posts that he was a weak leader and weak man, and that’s not intended as an insult. I too was a weak leader and a weak man in my marriage and it was heading in this direction before I turned it around through sheer force of will and effort. I took accountability for what I didn’t do that allowed it to get to the point it had. Now 10 years later my marriage is more solid than ever.
Does that negate the failure of his wife? Never. But to say it’s not his fault is a lie that is just intended to make him feel better. Hate this comment all you want but yours is more destructive.
Here, I'll whip smack my face for you. Feel better?
Huh?
I'm in the same boat, fren. Wife moved out couple years ago and the divorce was finalized three months ago. She has stage 4 TDS, which tremendously hampered our ability to communicate. At first I was devastated too, but I feel I'm better off now. Good luck, I'll be thinking about you!
Great news.
Now you can move on,
And man up like you said.
Absolutely this. You cannot control what others will do, only yourself. Go out and do something. Start working out, change your diet to something more healthy, find friends that have similar interests, get fresh air as much as possible. Do you golf? Go play every week. Remember how horrible those breakups were in high school and just after? This is the same, just more difficult and complicated. You will get through this unless YOU let it destroy you. Have faith. Maybe go hit church on Sunday as well. Cheers fren, am pulling for you.
so dang true. was just thinking to myself that I've been through this crap before on a smaller scale and I had no where to share it - no reason why I can't get through it again. God's like "dude, don't you remember everything I've gotten you through over the last few decades?"
so chill and relax, God will get you through it all again,. besides, she is doing all this to create drama. best way to get back at her for that drama is to ignore it all and let her know you are nonplussed by her bs. you got this.
Mine was finalized a few weeks ago. I know you don’t want to hear it, and don’t think It will, but it gets better. Getting enough sleep should be your priority right now. You're tougher than you think, and you’ll get through it, but it’ll take the time that it takes. Buckle up, cry it out, and go for a walk.
Welcome to the club...unfortunately. in my own tough times I found motivation in not letting my divorce define who I am but rather be defined by how I over came such a difficult and unexpected time in my life. Stay strong.
For sure. And you know what. I put on music. And AC/DC "Back in Black" just came on. And it put me in a better mood because I specifically remember going through a hard time and jamming out with this song in the car when I was through that fire. So now hearing it my brain is like "you're going to feel like this again, and you're going to remember this trial"
Your Hope moving forward is Jesus Christ. he will make a way in the desert. he will make your path straight.
Ignore the trolls, do not feed them
everyone saying “man up” or “move on” likely has not felt the pain. I understand it’s difficult - I was divorced 25 years ago from an abusive marriage and I still cannot listen to No Doubt “don’t speak” without getting teared up. You need to take the time to grieve and reflect. You need a support group or maybe a therapist -NO PILLS and you need family. Indulge in a hobby, or a passion and work though it. If you don’t it will come out in ways that are destructive. Much love
I have no family, brother. My parents are narcissistic , self-centered folks. They could care less about what I'm going through. I have no one to turn to and lean on. I think a support group is a great idea, I just don't know where to find it just yet. Probably need to check out a few churches and see if I can find a small group to fit into. And you're right, it's extremely difficult. There are no words to measure the pain.
I will pray for you. It's terribly painful, and it always happens to the better half. 🙂
You have the qualities to move on and the support group is a great idea. While you have us here you will have people to have a cup of coffee with and chat about common feelings. There are great Christian groups around and they are totally based!
At the very least you will make new friends. And one thing leads to another...🌻🌼🌹
I reached out to my doctor and she set me up with a therapist and groups, which helped me. Everything is online and I mainly listened and learned a lot.
great suggestion
Many church groups do have their own support groups, as well. And some of them do a darned good job. Sometimes you'll find them under "grief recovery." It can help the kids, too. You can call a few of the larger churches in your area to see if they offer that. Many also have groups for men to get together and share, and to help hold each other accountable. I can tell you from personal experience, they can become like your family, too. Most people did not have ideal childhoods. At the very least, you can make some new friends. And some may even become as close as brothers to you. There are a lot of good, understanding people out there. It's what I love so much about our country. So, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, too.
OP: THE. BEST. IS. YET. TO. COME.
I’ve used this past 4 years to shed all that wasn’t working in my life. POTUS said he sues times like this to see who’s really friend or foe. Hang in there. Dont suppress your emotions. They too shall pass.
I sure do hope so man. With how my life has been going Ive wondered if it was sarcasm.
Nope. Men don’t play around when it comes to women trouble like this. It can lead to a world of hurt. When they turn good god help everyone in the way.
If she is out of the house it is time for you to move on. This part of your life has come to an end, it will never get back to where it was, so don't try to hope for it to. Yea, it sucks to start over, but there are plenty of available wonderful ladies who are looking for someone to fill an emptyness in their lives. Don't think your wife is the only lady out there, she's not. Take a couple of weeks to reflect on your marriage but don't get lost in the memories. See what you could have done differently and then try to correct those aspects in your next relationship. Also, when the lawyers get involved you need to get your mind in a place where you will not be blindsided by her demands. As of now, you have a choice.....you can capitulate, at a nominal financial cost, or you can fight like a rabid dog for every last scrap at the table. Going this route will cost you a lot of money because your lawyer will want to fight, by your side, for "everything your are due". It's a way to pad his pocketbook and force you to give up everything AND loose a considerable amount of money. Let her have it all. Sell the house and split the proceeds equally, give her some sort of support for a little while, don't take anything, give it to her and let her deal with getting rid of it. Walk away with your clothes, a paid off vehicle, and as much cash as you can take. Remember, she will get a lot of the wealth from your marriage, so adjust your mindset right now to let her be the winner. You can walk away free of mental baggage and know she will be enslaved in a house that has a lot of memories. Turn the tables on her by becoming a minimalist and not letting your lawyer fight for anything. If you do follow your lawyers advise you might end up poor and having to pay him a bunch of money. Good luck and I hope you'll get over this quickly. Remember......only YOU can prevent forest fires. Don't let this situation burn down your life. Use it as a way to make a new life and then enjoy it!
Well, she's actually the one leaving the house and I'm stuck staying here until the lease is over for the next 6 months. At least that's what she said a few days ago. So I'm going to be here alone, without the kids. It's going to suck a major bag of ... yeah. Going to spend that time working on myself.
Talking about "memories", I'm actually curious what I should do with all of my phone pictures. What do people do with that when they go through divorce? Maybe I'll move them all to a drive to keep them off my phone (aside from the pics of the kids)
That sounds like a good idea. I have been told many times to write a book about my life, but frankly at 79 I am too old and too tired to write the story. I married at 20 after knowing him for 5 weeks-he was abusive and when he came home from Vietnam I found out how abusive.
When we married I had a son from a relationship with my high school sweetheart and we never married.
Although I kept the baby and when I married the soldier I stayed with him for 15 years because we had 3 sons as he adopted my son. When I had a job that I knew would take care of us, I filed for divorce.
I then married a person who after another 15 years I found out was having an affair. I again divorced him.
Then, when my son from my high school sweetheart had a birthday party for his daughter, my granddaughter, we met for the first time in 30 years. We talked the night away and to make a long story short, we ended up married and have been married for 23 years. There is no doubt that he was the man GOD knew I should end up with; and end up with is the phrase...I would never have had my other two wonderful sons and I doubt that we would have stayed married when we were 20.
The path to happiness is not always what we expect and hope it will be, but it is always, the path that HE in HIS greatness knows what will work for us in the long run.
GOD bless you and I pray for you to end up with the happiness I have found after 30 years of unhappy marriages.
"Happiness begins with the decision to no longer feel sad."
~Aumone
Good for you, in a few months you'll realize what a blessing this is and that God always had your back.
I'll be praying for you, son. And don't let anyone make you feel awkward or embarrassed for reaching out. Everyone will need that at some point in their lives. Pain is part of this human experience. I'm sorry about your wife. We can't control others. But we can control how we respond to them. And different responses can change outcomes. Your kids will need you more than ever right now. Do you have a church or support group nearby you can call on? I'm a big believer in support groups, like grief recovery groups, etc. It's very helpful when you can share these things with those who have already experienced them. And a lot of times they have great advice. It helps to not feel so alone. And it can even be helpful for your kids. Getting them involved in a youth group can help, too.
I am sorry you are going through this but there is one thing I would like to point out if you haven’t noticed. This is likely where the dog sitting money is going. It sounds somewhat planned if only to reach a destination. Divorce is rough but God wants to work it all for good, even though the bad can be really awful. All that to say, seek God and follow his direction in this.
Feel for you buddy! Trust in God! If your woman can leave you and your kids! She is selfish! Stay positive and pray! If you have been good to her, only good things can come to you! Sometimes when things look bleak it is just a matter of time that better things will come! In a few days you'll feel better!
Hey brother, I know the dark spiraling nightmare you are in where every exhale is another lock with a broken key clasp securely on your prison cell. Each thought and each moment are blurred into a murky cloud of despair as you strain to see a light that isn't there and will never be there. I know this intimately and I wish I could cut out a paper and write to you what worked for me but I don't have a set diet plan or routine with weights that will get you out of this but I do have this...
Brother, you are greater than the sum of all your fears. Think on that. Think of the scariest most displeasing thing you could be going through and I tell you now that you can over come that. I know you can because no where in the bible did God say, "give up, quit or just end it." With this situation you have before you now, I am praying to God on your behalf and I want you to know that it does end. It does. You will be happy again, you will smile again. The torment of a broken family is dire and shattering but God can sculpt with broken glass, God can weave tapestry from tatters and make kings from dust. Please stick with it. Your youngest daughter especially sounds like she needs you so much right now and I pray satan and his demons can't convince you otherwise.
God bless you, and may God keep you, protect you, and give you discernment, wisdom, and increased faith. I pray these ashes turn to dreams gilded in gold for you as time goes on and the slow but comforting aroma of hope fills your soul more and more each day.
There are people out there that love you not because we know what you look like or what you've done for us but because we know the soul inside a brave individual like yourself. Again brother....God bless you and we love you.
This made me weep cuz it hits too close to 'home'. 😢
Read Models by Mark Manson, it's not just dating advice, it really helped me get myself together through my divorce.
Sending you strength and love and please DM if you want to chat any further :)
Through pain and shock and heartbreaking dissapointment, we must continue to pray and remain humble. God knows the whole picture, we do not, but I assure you, keep your faith in HIM and thank him daily for your life, and you will come to see his works.There is truth to the saying that when life slams a door shut, God opens another one for you, and with time you will come to know that when you walk through the door that God has opened, your life and joy will be tenfold of what you thought you knew happiness to be. Emmanuel, wonderful counselor, available 24/7, just for you.
I was in your situation a few years ago. It was terrible but in hindsight I'm glad it happened because she never loved me the way I needed to be loved. I'll pray you get past this and find someone who really loves you
God did not give people free will for them to let him take care of things when shtf. Just my 2 cents.
Good luck to you though. Bitches are crazy.
As long as you have money coming in, create a new bank account, and start a new life. God doesn't give us challenges we can not handle. It may seen difficult to climb out of holes sometimes, but we can and do. Life is not meant to be easy.
Sometimes when there is to much noise in the world, i go to church on a weekday and sit there in the quiet. I let all that noise go away. It caould help you if you don't do that already.
https://survivinginfidelity.com/ https://www.affairrecovery.com/
It sucks for everyone. There is a ton if information out there from loads of people with direct experience. All of our stories are unique and yet the same, in the macro/micro sort of way.
Look on the 1st link for "The 180". Basically, indifference to your spouse. Be careful "researching", it always triggers.
Hydrate (water)! Make sure your body is tired at the end of the day to help you get rest. Seek comfort, comfort food, sunrises, sunsets... Scale and perspective.
You can never change/fix the past. It sounds simple but so much of our remorse is based on "if only".
Good luck, take care of yourself. When the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling, put yours on first so you're in a position to help those around you.
Praying for you, dear fren.
My son was devastated when he divorced. He moved on and dated a few other women and then he found the right one, he married her and now has a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Think positive, good things will happen. He is more than happy that the first one wanted to leave him.
Let her go. You obviously don't need her and she's just in the way of something better showing up in your life.
Sometimes, it takes years to realize, that the thing you were so attached to, was never really good for you. You have a tough road ahead, but you and your kids will make it through to the other side, and take up your lives again. God Speed.
Dude, Relax. Chill. Desperation is unbecoming. That will only confirm her negative feelings. Read This Over and Over again and practice it over and over again. It will seem counterintuitive at first. But It works if you work it. 😉 Guaranteed.
How To Stop Your Divorce or Lover’s Rejection
Just. Click. The. Link.
thanks for that link. I'm several pages in. It makes complete sense. just be happy and do what you want to do, don't give care or energy to it
I literally gave it no attention. I put some earbuds in, listened to music, did some laundry, minded my business. Didn't even ask her what she was doing. Not going to show her that I care. Not going to feed the energy.
edit: also, will read the link
Gosh dude. This passage from the book is so real:
"She says, “You shouldn’t have been confrontational with Margaret. You know Russell doesn’t like that.” Well, mythought was, “I wasn’t confrontational with Margaret. She was with me.” That thought zipped through my head, but I had already programmed myself to always agree. So I said, “Honey, you’re right. I shouldn’t have been confrontational with Margaret. I should have learned my lesson three months ago when we visited, and Margaret and I got into a discussion and it didn’t work out well. I guess I’m just a slow learner, and I want to thank you for pointing it out to me that I could have handled it better.” Notice that I switched from the issue of whether I was confrontational or not, to that I could have handled it better, because it was even easier for me to agree with that. I could have handled it better by not even getting into a discussion with Margaret. Okay, what happened then, when I agreed with my wife’s criticism of me? I did not defend myself at all. I got on her side and jumped on me. Immediately she said, “But you were just trying to help.” And I said, “That’s true. But my method was wrong, because it wasn’t helping.” She said, “But I think Margaret has a very closed mind.” I said, “I do, too. But my method was wrong because it was not opening that closed mind. And I want to thank you for pointing it out to me that I could have handled it better.” She was very friendly and affectionate the rest of the evening. Always agree."
That is SUCH a good point. Stop defending your own self and instead just be in agreement. Going to try it.
There ya go. Practice makes perfect.
3 words; Get. A. Lawyer. I didn't, and I paid dearly.
I'll continue to pray for you.
Don't sweat it. Hoes age like bread. Men like fine wine. Her loss.
Do you know where she went?
I know you are hurting. I have been there myself before. In the midst of you cannot see something better.
Now I can see that I am glad I didn't have walk the path to deal with his problems.
God has a better plan for you. Someone who will understand your beliefs.. Trust and let her go. You have done everything you could to save your marriage.
May God bless you!