Advise her parents to never let her in a public school again. Have her educated another way whether she likes it or not. Find a method of educating by doing and teaching the consequences of not living in a godly way. From an ex-public school teacher.
My 2 cents as a father of a preteen boy, and uncle to 2 teen boys and 2 teen girls. At age 15, she's still a kid. I know teens go thru all sorts of angst, but she is still a kid. Relate to her on a "kid level." Does she like ice cream? Go out for ice cream. Does she like amusement parks? Take her to one. Anything she did as a younger child that made her happy, try redoing/revisiting that, and maybe she'll draw on fond memories of her adolescence and remember happier times enjoying being a kid. Drawing on fond childhood memories can sometimes "de-program" the irritable/goth teen years. So that might be a start.
Talk to her. Spend 30 minutes at first entirely disconnected from TV, Internet, social media, phones. And don't just talk, but LISTEN. Start with a topic of interest to her and connect. Then graduate from 30 minutes to 60. And again, do more listening than talking so she can open up and feel safe. Also, learn about whatever topics she is interested. With my 2 nieces, I knew nothing about their topics/interests, so I had to learn them (which was somewhat painful but worth it just so I could relate and not be that "old person")
Kwew2u, you are like the dad I always wished I had. Your kids are lucky and you walking this world blesses many more than you think :) THANKS for being you
it's often to have helpful to have some sort of minor distraction present so she doesn't feel cornered with your eye contact. Focusing on a minor task when you have cute animals to look at lessens the pressure and anxiety of the topic you may want to discuss. Just don't dump it all on her at once. Have her help as part of a routine and ease into it.
I have 3 teen boys that have the attention span of a gnat. When the dogs need to be run / exercised, they can actually focus on that and have fun doing it.
She needs to be removed from the school system and social media. Those things were poison to her. If you fed her poisoned apples all her life and it made her deathly ill, would you keep feeding her poisoned apples?
Obviously a huge change is what she needs. She's only a few years away from adulthood any they may lose her forever. She needs intervention now. And she's my daughter's age and I homeschool. It's really not that hard. They basically school themselves at that age.
I think most people who don't homeschool simply don't understand what it looks like and assume it's hard or can't be done because it keeps getting compared to public school.
My homeschool kids get the curriculum I choose for them. There are hundreds to choose from, from regular school books to online programs. They each get a customized curriculum that I mix and match for them, based on their learning styles. In your niece's case I would recommend online, because it will teach her and grade her and the parent's just have to track her results, and if she starts doing bad, you stop her and fix the problem then have her continue. In homeschool we don't focus on testing and grades, we just move them through and each lesson needs to be mastered to move forward. We don't fail anything. Move at her own pace, however slow or fast that is.
And to graduate you simply print out a diploma or have one made for you. If college is in her future (which i sincerely hope it is not because that's even worse than public schools now days) then you need to stick with accredited curriculum. Also in homeschool we put focus on whatever we want, not necessarily what the public schools focus on. If college is in the cards then you have to meet those requirements, other than that you would just do what you want. my 15yo learns math, and ela, and also spends a considerable amount of time on entrepreneurism, art and life skills like cooking, gardening and canning, and they are learning music at home and I'm not even a musician. My daughter used duo lingo for years since elementary to learn Spanish and the last two years she's been learning Javanese with it. The most amazing part of that is I didn't assign it to her, she did this on her own. It's amazing what kids will do when you open the world to them for their education.
Homeschooling in the age of the internet is so stupid easy. Some things can get complicated depending on you state but the actual homeschooling is not bad at all, an in the case of some kids who are being led down dangerous paths in public schools, could save their lives.
I'm going to say this as nicely as I can, her parent's are the problem. The want her to go to college?? why? If she has no desire to be a doctor or rocket scientist or lawyer who requires a heavily regulated education to be let into the industry, then college is a waste of time, money and a threat to one's mental awareness. This outdated thinking that everyone must go to college is part of what broke society in the first place. Her passion is music? Then that's where they need to start. Put her in music classes. They help kids form bands and performances. It's a much healthier environment than pushing her into college where she will latch onto other "freaks who hate their parents" and start doing drugs at band practice till one of them OD's or has a sex change.
she sounds creative, so I would introduce her to conspiracy theories, sites, documentaries, etc. some kids need verification that they're not crazy; the world really is f*cked up. a lot of teens can see through the facade, but they don't have anyone to guide them; it's overwhelming.
taught my young one about Q since the beginning. he knows much more than any grownup & he's totally comfy now. he understands that all of this madness is part of something much bigger & things will be ok. it's also helped to develop his discernment & he's able to problem solve. he reminds me more of a GenXer; industrious, always prepared.
Then you have to show her the correct way of living. Get her into church to interact with others.
Educate her at home if need be.
In time this attitude will fade if she isn't around the garbage in these schools.
Lead by example.
Just a short story.
When my daughter was in middle high school, they started that you can't hit your kid crap. She crossed the line one day and I was ready to swat her butt with my hand,
She said with a smirk on her face, you can't hit me because I will call the police.
I picked the telephone up and handed it to her and said you better make that a good call because you will be done by the time they get here. (A little harsh I know but I needed to wake her up and make a point.)
Take her to a range and teach her to shoot. Go small though - .22 pistol or rifle. That did wonders for my daughter. It gave her something to look forward to, and something to be proud of as she got better and better. I used a Walther P-22 pistol, and she would go through 3 or 4 boxes of 100 each time we went out.
Great stress relief, and it teaches a valuable skill at the same time.
Sounds like someone who is angry, maybe depressed, and needs to acclimate to her new situation. I know that when I've been at my most depressed it was because I was in the wrong situation. Wrong friends, wrong college, wrong job, wrong career path, whatever. Something in her situation may be the difficulty and changing it might pull her out.
i made that journey. there's a lot of nuance to facilitating it.
keep an open mind. don't feel threatened by differing beliefs. she may have to come to God in a very roundabout way. I did.
when i was just beginning to question my atheism, I saw some graffiti that said 'trust the universe'. that was a very early, very key point in my spiritual development. in breaking away from a materialistic mindset.
i began to question many of my beliefs... and then I encountered Matthew 7:7, and decided to sincerely and humbly ask God for answers, with zero expectations on when or how those answers might appear.
all the answers came, and in this way I developed an extremely practical relationship with God. I was lead to all the information needed to clear up my confusions. info that i think most people don't even know exists.
I've also called myself a pagan in the past. paganism is fun, but there are some key impracticalities. i could write a whole thing on why a christian society works and a pagan one doesn't. and do so without hating on them. i haven't purged the crystals and essential oils from my life, i just simply realize that faith is where the real power lies. that's really all it boils down to.
Try if you mist. I would not. Im at the point where i am fine allowing them self destruct. My reasoning is let them see their actions destroted themselves
Tell her the world seeks to please everyone, because no one knows who they really are deep down, and as a result they seek approval outside. But this mentality causes much harm because no one really truly loves themselves because they seek to be included. At the same time it’s all fake inclusion because if don’t know yourself and love yourself, you cant possibly love others. Healing starts internally and expands outwardly. When people learn who they are on the inside, despite their flaws, they begin a beautiful process of accepting others regardless of their flaws. As the Bible says, love the sinner not the sin.
Start by telling this young girl the TRUTH. I could win her in a minute with one truth "Your PARENTS ARE FUCKING IDIOTS" They say they are Christians but they are worthless parents and I would say probably worthless Christians, those are the cold hard facts.
They don't handle their own problems nor can they, so they DUMP HER OFF onto some one else. My God people WTF is wrong with people.
This girl has been trying to tell them something for 15 years and they are not listening to her. She rebels because she is not wanted or feels unwanted or overlooked as a person. Guess who listened and took her in. All your DAMN shouting about how she is wrong got them diddly squat. Her parents want to undo years of neglect in 15 minutes by dropping her off with you.
So here is what ya do, sit down tell her her parents are total FUCKING IDIOTS and that you understand why she thinks this. You will never win this girl with out love and seeing her view point and agreeing with her. I can guarantee if you pray 24 hours straight for 10 years this girl will not change till her parents do. It's the Owner issues more than the dogs, it usually is. Owner sucks dog is great.
If you don't have a Dog and this is a long term thing, get her a sweet dog and have her pick it out. Her Goth look is irrelevant right now, don't let it turn you off. Love, Respect, Listen, Act. This girl has been telling you she needed something long ago, none of ya listened to her.
Take her to a few places and see how she responds to different things. Take her to places that you can touch animals see her reaction to it. Above all enjoy being around her, I can tell her parents didn't. Later when she is older she will understand her parents were not perfect. You will win her the minute you step into her corner and defend her. Wise as the serpent, gentle as the dove
Your niece probably thinks you're totally lame, right? She's also angry. She's probably also hurting but doesn't know how to express it.
Firstly, she'll eat when she's ready. And she'll join you for a meal when she's ready.
She also needs to be shown rather than told, probably. Meaning, demonstrate the qualities that you possess that you would like her to have. Engage in your wholesome hobbies, your housework, singing your songs, cooking your meals, and loving her and the rest of your family.
My guess is that she really wants you to continue to reach out in order to "prove" that you want her around. Or she wants you to confirm her beliefs and reject her.
You could also take another route. Start mirroring her. Wear the black eyeliner makeup that she probably wears. Dress similarly. Do this slowly in stages so it's not a huge change at once. Now what she's doing is lame and she doesn't want to do it anymore. And do it all without modifying your behavior toward her or your family. You're now grocery shopping in full goth. You're doing the dishes while watching an old Alice Cooper video. You're turning on a horror movie at night. Maybe your husband is even into it. And with this, it all becomes so lame that she doesn't want to do it anymore.
I think Mother Teresa said something about how you'll never see her at an anti-war rally, but you would find her at a peace rally. That's because you'll bring about what you fight against. How has the war on drugs worked out? What I'm saying is, don't fight her. Just model, love, try to be patient, difficult as it may be, and gently bring her around.
In a week or so, you might invite her for a short bit of low-key fun. "Hey, I want to get an ice cream cone from [nearby place], want to come? My treat!" Or "I'm going to grab a soda from the gas station, would you like to join me?" This could open the door for things to simmer down and build a relationship.
Those are currently my best ideas. I'll be thinking about you. I'll come back if I come up with anything else. I'm not some kind of expert parent, but I do recall being an angry teen and angry child who had to sleep at the neighbor's house a couple of times. The things I truly wanted most and still want are: people continually reaching out and not giving up, and to feel actually loved.
It'll take steps to deprogram her, but she's young and she can learn faster at her age. Take a look at how Q is trying to deprogram the sheep, perhaps you could find some lessons there.
You gotta find her "thing" maybe. Maybe it's something she's never tried before like fishing, or shooting guns, or playing golf, or whatever it may be. Hopefully you can fund some kind of outdoor activity that she falls in love with. That might straighten her out a bit. Just an idea.
If it was me in this position, I would just take an honest interest in her and her subjects (Satanism, Paganism...etc). Maybe start with building a relationship with her (crazy, I know). She just wants to be heard and valued (like anyone in a relationship), rather feeling like she needs to fall in line.
I'm 35 and great with my young nieces and nephews because I treat them like they're on my level. I build relationships with them like I would with anyone else. I take them seriously and they sense it.
Chatgpt response, very much like Knew2u's response.
It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation. Your niece is clearly going through a lot, trying to find her identity while also dealing with challenges like autism and past experiences with bullying. These are layered issues that won't resolve overnight.
Since she's resistant to engaging, you might want to start small. Maybe leave her a note or a small gift—something you think she might appreciate. You could also introduce her to activities that don't require a lot of social interaction at first, such as exploring nature or doing a craft. If she's into the "goth" subculture, perhaps there's a way to incorporate that interest into something you can do together.
Communication is key, so if she does open up, listen without judgment. It's essential for her to feel heard and understood. It might also be helpful to find some common ground between your beliefs and hers—after all, many religious and spiritual paths have similarities or overlapping values.
Your way of life, more in line with the Amish, could offer her a different perspective, even if she doesn't fully embrace it. The slower pace and focus on community might be a refreshing change for her, even if she doesn't realize it yet.
But remember, you can't force someone to change; they have to want to change themselves. Be patient, and give her space when she needs it. You're already showing great empathy by wanting to connect with her, which is a strong foundation for building a meaningful relationship.
You can't fix years of social programming in two weeks. You can only make small changes and if you don't get to know her a little better then you won't know how to get her to open up to you.
Sadly, this is the fault of the parents for letting it reach this stage,, regardless of the reasons.
Any long-term solution is up to the parents unless you adopt her.
If she identifies as a pagan and a Satanist then she’s no atheist; at least not by my definition of it.
I will tell you this as a father of a wonderfully achieved and Christian daughter. The very best things I have ever told my daughter is that I loved her and that I was PROUD of her.
Perhaps you can use this. When her mother and I were going through a divorce, she was having trouble in school; likely because of the turmoil at home. (grade school) I thought about this. My step-father would have grounded me, talked down to me, and such. (very negative, I hated him for it) After a while, I hit upon what to tell my daughter. I told my daughter this, “(daughter’s name), when you do well in school, it makes me very happy.” I NEVER had a problem with her performing in school or anything again.
talk to her parents about chelation therapy to deal with the vaccine toxins which likely caused her autism.
if she's identifying as pagan/Satanist then in all likelihood she is under demonic attack. So deal with that in the way that your religious tradition goes about it.
It might be a laying on of hands at a community church, or a rite of exorcism.
If it were my house, I'd use a compass to locate precisely the North, South, East, and West points in her bedroom and casually place St. Benedict medals at those points (can be hidden under furniture so she doesn't remove them).
Play sacred music in your home. Non-intrusive, low volume is fine. Can be Protestant hymns if that's your thing, or Gregorian chanting of the Psalms. This has a soothing effect on the mind and demonic entities find it difficult to linger in such an environment.
Advise her parents to never let her in a public school again. Have her educated another way whether she likes it or not. Find a method of educating by doing and teaching the consequences of not living in a godly way. From an ex-public school teacher.
It's time to show her a different reality.
Praying that you can find the right things to do and say that will reach her to at least open up and be friendly.
Might be worth introducing her to things you like that you think she might like. Broaden her horizons a bit.
Boredom is a powerful motivator.
Praying for her and you.
What you never want to say in the future. "I wish I would have done something when I had the chance."
My 2 cents as a father of a preteen boy, and uncle to 2 teen boys and 2 teen girls. At age 15, she's still a kid. I know teens go thru all sorts of angst, but she is still a kid. Relate to her on a "kid level." Does she like ice cream? Go out for ice cream. Does she like amusement parks? Take her to one. Anything she did as a younger child that made her happy, try redoing/revisiting that, and maybe she'll draw on fond memories of her adolescence and remember happier times enjoying being a kid. Drawing on fond childhood memories can sometimes "de-program" the irritable/goth teen years. So that might be a start.
Talk to her. Spend 30 minutes at first entirely disconnected from TV, Internet, social media, phones. And don't just talk, but LISTEN. Start with a topic of interest to her and connect. Then graduate from 30 minutes to 60. And again, do more listening than talking so she can open up and feel safe. Also, learn about whatever topics she is interested. With my 2 nieces, I knew nothing about their topics/interests, so I had to learn them (which was somewhat painful but worth it just so I could relate and not be that "old person")
Kwew2u, you are like the dad I always wished I had. Your kids are lucky and you walking this world blesses many more than you think :) THANKS for being you
Very kind of you anon. Ty.
Can you ask her to help care for any pets or animals you have at your place? Even feeding chickens or helping brush the dog might soften her up a bit.
it's often to have helpful to have some sort of minor distraction present so she doesn't feel cornered with your eye contact. Focusing on a minor task when you have cute animals to look at lessens the pressure and anxiety of the topic you may want to discuss. Just don't dump it all on her at once. Have her help as part of a routine and ease into it.
I have 3 teen boys that have the attention span of a gnat. When the dogs need to be run / exercised, they can actually focus on that and have fun doing it.
She needs to be removed from the school system and social media. Those things were poison to her. If you fed her poisoned apples all her life and it made her deathly ill, would you keep feeding her poisoned apples?
Obviously a huge change is what she needs. She's only a few years away from adulthood any they may lose her forever. She needs intervention now. And she's my daughter's age and I homeschool. It's really not that hard. They basically school themselves at that age.
I think most people who don't homeschool simply don't understand what it looks like and assume it's hard or can't be done because it keeps getting compared to public school.
My homeschool kids get the curriculum I choose for them. There are hundreds to choose from, from regular school books to online programs. They each get a customized curriculum that I mix and match for them, based on their learning styles. In your niece's case I would recommend online, because it will teach her and grade her and the parent's just have to track her results, and if she starts doing bad, you stop her and fix the problem then have her continue. In homeschool we don't focus on testing and grades, we just move them through and each lesson needs to be mastered to move forward. We don't fail anything. Move at her own pace, however slow or fast that is.
And to graduate you simply print out a diploma or have one made for you. If college is in her future (which i sincerely hope it is not because that's even worse than public schools now days) then you need to stick with accredited curriculum. Also in homeschool we put focus on whatever we want, not necessarily what the public schools focus on. If college is in the cards then you have to meet those requirements, other than that you would just do what you want. my 15yo learns math, and ela, and also spends a considerable amount of time on entrepreneurism, art and life skills like cooking, gardening and canning, and they are learning music at home and I'm not even a musician. My daughter used duo lingo for years since elementary to learn Spanish and the last two years she's been learning Javanese with it. The most amazing part of that is I didn't assign it to her, she did this on her own. It's amazing what kids will do when you open the world to them for their education. Homeschooling in the age of the internet is so stupid easy. Some things can get complicated depending on you state but the actual homeschooling is not bad at all, an in the case of some kids who are being led down dangerous paths in public schools, could save their lives.
I'm going to say this as nicely as I can, her parent's are the problem. The want her to go to college?? why? If she has no desire to be a doctor or rocket scientist or lawyer who requires a heavily regulated education to be let into the industry, then college is a waste of time, money and a threat to one's mental awareness. This outdated thinking that everyone must go to college is part of what broke society in the first place. Her passion is music? Then that's where they need to start. Put her in music classes. They help kids form bands and performances. It's a much healthier environment than pushing her into college where she will latch onto other "freaks who hate their parents" and start doing drugs at band practice till one of them OD's or has a sex change.
she sounds creative, so I would introduce her to conspiracy theories, sites, documentaries, etc. some kids need verification that they're not crazy; the world really is f*cked up. a lot of teens can see through the facade, but they don't have anyone to guide them; it's overwhelming.
taught my young one about Q since the beginning. he knows much more than any grownup & he's totally comfy now. he understands that all of this madness is part of something much bigger & things will be ok. it's also helped to develop his discernment & he's able to problem solve. he reminds me more of a GenXer; industrious, always prepared.
Maybe you could start a conversation along those lines; see if she might be open to being homeschooled.
First pray.
Then you have to show her the correct way of living. Get her into church to interact with others.
Educate her at home if need be.
In time this attitude will fade if she isn't around the garbage in these schools.
Lead by example.
Just a short story.
When my daughter was in middle high school, they started that you can't hit your kid crap. She crossed the line one day and I was ready to swat her butt with my hand,
She said with a smirk on her face, you can't hit me because I will call the police.
I picked the telephone up and handed it to her and said you better make that a good call because you will be done by the time they get here. (A little harsh I know but I needed to wake her up and make a point.)
She never did anything like that again,
Commendable of you to take her on. I guess just let her know you want the best for her and will be there whenever she needs. Good luck Fren.
See if there is some type of productive project you can do together. Maybe a board game.
Strange
Take her to a range and teach her to shoot. Go small though - .22 pistol or rifle. That did wonders for my daughter. It gave her something to look forward to, and something to be proud of as she got better and better. I used a Walther P-22 pistol, and she would go through 3 or 4 boxes of 100 each time we went out.
Great stress relief, and it teaches a valuable skill at the same time.
Sounds like someone who is angry, maybe depressed, and needs to acclimate to her new situation. I know that when I've been at my most depressed it was because I was in the wrong situation. Wrong friends, wrong college, wrong job, wrong career path, whatever. Something in her situation may be the difficulty and changing it might pull her out.
Sounds like "poor me" drama. How about some good old chores to help out around the house?
i made that journey. there's a lot of nuance to facilitating it.
keep an open mind. don't feel threatened by differing beliefs. she may have to come to God in a very roundabout way. I did.
when i was just beginning to question my atheism, I saw some graffiti that said 'trust the universe'. that was a very early, very key point in my spiritual development. in breaking away from a materialistic mindset.
i began to question many of my beliefs... and then I encountered Matthew 7:7, and decided to sincerely and humbly ask God for answers, with zero expectations on when or how those answers might appear.
all the answers came, and in this way I developed an extremely practical relationship with God. I was lead to all the information needed to clear up my confusions. info that i think most people don't even know exists.
I've also called myself a pagan in the past. paganism is fun, but there are some key impracticalities. i could write a whole thing on why a christian society works and a pagan one doesn't. and do so without hating on them. i haven't purged the crystals and essential oils from my life, i just simply realize that faith is where the real power lies. that's really all it boils down to.
Try if you mist. I would not. Im at the point where i am fine allowing them self destruct. My reasoning is let them see their actions destroted themselves
Without any hesitation...
Angry people have not found gratitude.
It really is that simple.
Grateful people are happy people.
We find joy and contentment in simple things and are not bothered by the petty and unimportant.
Those of us that know the true meaning of this are inherently happy even when bad things inhabit or invade our lives.
Please give it a chance without falling for immediate dismissal.
.....
https://m.youtube.com/results?sp=mAEA&search_query=prager+gratitude
Tell her the world seeks to please everyone, because no one knows who they really are deep down, and as a result they seek approval outside. But this mentality causes much harm because no one really truly loves themselves because they seek to be included. At the same time it’s all fake inclusion because if don’t know yourself and love yourself, you cant possibly love others. Healing starts internally and expands outwardly. When people learn who they are on the inside, despite their flaws, they begin a beautiful process of accepting others regardless of their flaws. As the Bible says, love the sinner not the sin.
Your very welcome. May the creator guide you and aid you in this endeavor. Much love to you and yours.
Start by telling this young girl the TRUTH. I could win her in a minute with one truth "Your PARENTS ARE FUCKING IDIOTS" They say they are Christians but they are worthless parents and I would say probably worthless Christians, those are the cold hard facts.
They don't handle their own problems nor can they, so they DUMP HER OFF onto some one else. My God people WTF is wrong with people. This girl has been trying to tell them something for 15 years and they are not listening to her. She rebels because she is not wanted or feels unwanted or overlooked as a person. Guess who listened and took her in. All your DAMN shouting about how she is wrong got them diddly squat. Her parents want to undo years of neglect in 15 minutes by dropping her off with you.
So here is what ya do, sit down tell her her parents are total FUCKING IDIOTS and that you understand why she thinks this. You will never win this girl with out love and seeing her view point and agreeing with her. I can guarantee if you pray 24 hours straight for 10 years this girl will not change till her parents do. It's the Owner issues more than the dogs, it usually is. Owner sucks dog is great.
If you don't have a Dog and this is a long term thing, get her a sweet dog and have her pick it out. Her Goth look is irrelevant right now, don't let it turn you off. Love, Respect, Listen, Act. This girl has been telling you she needed something long ago, none of ya listened to her.
Take her to a few places and see how she responds to different things. Take her to places that you can touch animals see her reaction to it. Above all enjoy being around her, I can tell her parents didn't. Later when she is older she will understand her parents were not perfect. You will win her the minute you step into her corner and defend her. Wise as the serpent, gentle as the dove
^^^ YEP! ^^^
Your niece probably thinks you're totally lame, right? She's also angry. She's probably also hurting but doesn't know how to express it.
Firstly, she'll eat when she's ready. And she'll join you for a meal when she's ready.
She also needs to be shown rather than told, probably. Meaning, demonstrate the qualities that you possess that you would like her to have. Engage in your wholesome hobbies, your housework, singing your songs, cooking your meals, and loving her and the rest of your family.
My guess is that she really wants you to continue to reach out in order to "prove" that you want her around. Or she wants you to confirm her beliefs and reject her.
You could also take another route. Start mirroring her. Wear the black eyeliner makeup that she probably wears. Dress similarly. Do this slowly in stages so it's not a huge change at once. Now what she's doing is lame and she doesn't want to do it anymore. And do it all without modifying your behavior toward her or your family. You're now grocery shopping in full goth. You're doing the dishes while watching an old Alice Cooper video. You're turning on a horror movie at night. Maybe your husband is even into it. And with this, it all becomes so lame that she doesn't want to do it anymore.
I think Mother Teresa said something about how you'll never see her at an anti-war rally, but you would find her at a peace rally. That's because you'll bring about what you fight against. How has the war on drugs worked out? What I'm saying is, don't fight her. Just model, love, try to be patient, difficult as it may be, and gently bring her around.
In a week or so, you might invite her for a short bit of low-key fun. "Hey, I want to get an ice cream cone from [nearby place], want to come? My treat!" Or "I'm going to grab a soda from the gas station, would you like to join me?" This could open the door for things to simmer down and build a relationship.
Those are currently my best ideas. I'll be thinking about you. I'll come back if I come up with anything else. I'm not some kind of expert parent, but I do recall being an angry teen and angry child who had to sleep at the neighbor's house a couple of times. The things I truly wanted most and still want are: people continually reaching out and not giving up, and to feel actually loved.
Good luck.
It'll take steps to deprogram her, but she's young and she can learn faster at her age. Take a look at how Q is trying to deprogram the sheep, perhaps you could find some lessons there.
Let her go hungry and ignore you. Eventually she'll get hungry and come out from her hiding-hole and join the world again.
You gotta find her "thing" maybe. Maybe it's something she's never tried before like fishing, or shooting guns, or playing golf, or whatever it may be. Hopefully you can fund some kind of outdoor activity that she falls in love with. That might straighten her out a bit. Just an idea.
If it was me in this position, I would just take an honest interest in her and her subjects (Satanism, Paganism...etc). Maybe start with building a relationship with her (crazy, I know). She just wants to be heard and valued (like anyone in a relationship), rather feeling like she needs to fall in line.
I'm 35 and great with my young nieces and nephews because I treat them like they're on my level. I build relationships with them like I would with anyone else. I take them seriously and they sense it.
I would highly encourage starting here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCmDUquKAUQ
Chatgpt response, very much like Knew2u's response.
It sounds like you're dealing with a complex situation. Your niece is clearly going through a lot, trying to find her identity while also dealing with challenges like autism and past experiences with bullying. These are layered issues that won't resolve overnight.
Since she's resistant to engaging, you might want to start small. Maybe leave her a note or a small gift—something you think she might appreciate. You could also introduce her to activities that don't require a lot of social interaction at first, such as exploring nature or doing a craft. If she's into the "goth" subculture, perhaps there's a way to incorporate that interest into something you can do together.
Communication is key, so if she does open up, listen without judgment. It's essential for her to feel heard and understood. It might also be helpful to find some common ground between your beliefs and hers—after all, many religious and spiritual paths have similarities or overlapping values.
Your way of life, more in line with the Amish, could offer her a different perspective, even if she doesn't fully embrace it. The slower pace and focus on community might be a refreshing change for her, even if she doesn't realize it yet.
But remember, you can't force someone to change; they have to want to change themselves. Be patient, and give her space when she needs it. You're already showing great empathy by wanting to connect with her, which is a strong foundation for building a meaningful relationship.
You can't fix years of social programming in two weeks. You can only make small changes and if you don't get to know her a little better then you won't know how to get her to open up to you.
Sadly, this is the fault of the parents for letting it reach this stage,, regardless of the reasons.
Any long-term solution is up to the parents unless you adopt her.
When you are doing something, ask for her help. Maybe the feeling of being needed might open the door and help her self-worth
Ask her to write a 10 page paper about the incident, how it affects her, and how it affects others?
Been drinking a bit, but I am an avowed atheist.
If she identifies as a pagan and a Satanist then she’s no atheist; at least not by my definition of it.
I will tell you this as a father of a wonderfully achieved and Christian daughter. The very best things I have ever told my daughter is that I loved her and that I was PROUD of her.
Perhaps you can use this. When her mother and I were going through a divorce, she was having trouble in school; likely because of the turmoil at home. (grade school) I thought about this. My step-father would have grounded me, talked down to me, and such. (very negative, I hated him for it) After a while, I hit upon what to tell my daughter. I told my daughter this, “(daughter’s name), when you do well in school, it makes me very happy.” I NEVER had a problem with her performing in school or anything again.
talk to her parents about chelation therapy to deal with the vaccine toxins which likely caused her autism.
if she's identifying as pagan/Satanist then in all likelihood she is under demonic attack. So deal with that in the way that your religious tradition goes about it.
It might be a laying on of hands at a community church, or a rite of exorcism.
If it were my house, I'd use a compass to locate precisely the North, South, East, and West points in her bedroom and casually place St. Benedict medals at those points (can be hidden under furniture so she doesn't remove them).
Play sacred music in your home. Non-intrusive, low volume is fine. Can be Protestant hymns if that's your thing, or Gregorian chanting of the Psalms. This has a soothing effect on the mind and demonic entities find it difficult to linger in such an environment.