Didn’t cheat on her, commit dv or anything like that but I messed up pretty bad and my engagement is on the rocks now. I am so upset with myself that I haven’t ate in two days and it’s one of those things where my words don’t matter at the moment so I just feel powerless because nothing in the immediate will fix it. Only time and action will help it. I have made a plan of action I just hope she gives me the chance so I can weather this storm.
I don’t want to go into the details here but if you could pray for me I would appreciate it.
So sorry, fren. We all do stupid things sometimes. If what you did is something like a betrayal of trust as opposed to just something irritating that made her mad, then I would say it will take rebuilding that trust. I would suggest giving her a little space to cool down. Not ignoring her! By no means do I mean that. But maybe just be quiet. Don't argue, don't try to defend. Just be quiet or let her talk and if she does, really listen. Ask her if she'll let you explain, and if she will, do so humbly. I will pray she is able to see your sincerity and forgive your trespass. I hope it works out. Lean on God. Take care.
I think this comment is really good. Maybe it's also important to understand why you took the action you did which hurt her and seek to address the cause or the point at which you two may have started to diverge from a healthy relationship and why.
Yes, excellent advice. Introspection would be good.
Very good advice gobby...I concur...just give her space and time...she needs to sort things out, too...prayers for you both...
Praying now. This is why there are so many flower shops and jewelers. We men can be pretty stupid sometimes.
This ^ and a heartfelt written note expressing full responsibility and asking for nothing from her. Sincerity softens the heart. Prayers this is in God's plan for your life.
When I got married (she's dead now) the engagement ring came from a bubblegum machine -- took two tries.
I only buy lab grown diamonds. I refuse to buy blood diamonds mined by a 12 year old who already lost a few toes digging for shiny objects.
I buy ONLY blood diamonds. Its more interesting.
Do you think flowers and jewelries will solve the root of the problem, which will probably come up again and again between them? Just saying.. :)
I'm partial to diamonds. Just sayin
Its best when you find a woman partial to Jeep parts. Its a little easier on the wallet for the most part.
I'm about to let go of my standard shift porsche and just told my husband I want one of those jeeps!
Jeeps are pretty awesome. They're enjoyable in all 4 seasons because of the top and doors coming off for nice weather and the 4 wheel drive in the winter. And its one of the few models you can still get with a manual.
Two of my three sons drive Jeeps. That hubs and I bought, of course. My cayenne is like a mini SUV, and Jeep makes a similar style, that's the one I want, whatever it's called. I don't like those Jeep pickup trucks, they look weird. My oldest is always taking off the top & doors of his, and when he lived in LA he'd strap a kayak to the top and hit the beach.
The first thing we did to my roommates Jeep in 2016 was pull everything out of the interior and put down a dynamat type sound deadener with reflective barrier on all the internal tub interior. It made the biggest difference in sound level when driving. It only took about 6 hours and cost a few hundred dollars. It was the biggest quality of driving difference. When he added a hardtop, it's like driving in a quiet car now. The top can still come back off and we can reinstall the soft top at any time, but for now he is happy with the hard top.
is rust still an issue? my understanding is they rust like a muther...
don't get me wrong, I've always wanted a jeep/wrangler, hell, i'd take a willy's Jeep even, though I imagine finding one in my budget would be next to impossible, lol.
also, how much does filling the gas tank hurt? lol
It hurts about as much as any other SUV. The two doors have a slightly smaller tank so it hurts slightly less. I really wouldnt be a fair person to ask because i have over an hour commute so im filling mine like every other day. Rust is not as much of an issue with the 08 on models.
Did someone say Jeep parts? I'll take a long arm lift and 37's for a Tj! Lol! #dirtyjeeper
But only just. xD
not necessarily; it's just a heart softener. If it's a hardened heart, than no
Dear Lord, please work reconciliation on behalf of PNWHomeBrewer and his fiancee'. Let them have the kinds of conversations where they can hear each other's heart. Draw them both to you in prayer that the three of you be the cord of three strands that can not be broken. Let them learn from this circumstance and draw strength that will bond them closer to you and your Word. Please work forgiveness in her heart, remembering the forgiveness you have blessed her with as the guide. Give him Wisdom & Understanding by drawing him to your Word, especially Job chapter 28 that he learn the responsibilities you have for him as the husband of this union. You are so faithful & steadfast to us, Father, providing and planning for us. Let them hear your voice, let them seek your face, and let them see you at work in their lives in all ways. I ask all this in Jesus' Mighty name. Amen.
If you have didn't cheat, commit dv, or anything of that sort, what are you worried about?
Just be stoic, own up to what it was and go from there.
If she leaves, grieve for a bit, and then get back out there 👍
What's dv? And did he hit her? Can't imagine what else would cause this kind of break.
domestic violence. I doubt there was violence involved... Maybe he wrecked something they owned jointly or something...
Smells like masturbating to porn to me.
Shit, I think you're right. I was racking my brain and your comment gave me an instant "aha!". Probably walked in on him watching some gross shit, or found the saved pics folder. Work on getting rid of the addiction, op. There's tons of resources out there, on this board, even. It's one of the worst addictions to have, IMO worse than alcoholism. Most marriages that end up in divorce had something to do with porn as a reason.
If she's not willing to forgive you, remove that vice from your life before you start dating again.
And the answer was in your name all along?
I was one of the most egregiously degenerate coomers to walk the face of the earth. I'm not shy about it, and am open about all that, as part of wearing God's armor is to always live in Truth. The Lord set me free from slavery to sin, and pit my life back in my own hands. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
I think he called her the b word or c word.
Domestic violence
Thanks. I read further down and saw an explanation so I tried to delete my comment, but you were too quick :)
I have that reputation.
Kek
Shut down all communication with her.
If she gives a shit --- she will contact you.
If she doesn't --- move on --- she doesn't have her heart in it --- you will spend the rest of your life fighting it.
---> THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO IS BE ON YOUR KNEES BEGGING. <---
I've just walked away before. It hurt like hell at the time. Looking back, it's the best thing I ever did.
I agree. I'm a woman so I know how manipulative they can be.lol You give us an inch, we take a mile. But when I truly love someone I will go to hell w/ him and a fight only last 30 minutes the most but not before the day end, no matter how bad it is. Maybe because we're both walking w/ Jesus. Idk..
Women give men shit-test all of the time to check their status.
Yep. Or in the 90’s we’d say “stop being so bitchmade.”
well, without telling us what happened we have no perspective.
OK, so there are three possibilities here. 1) you're a bad person, 2) you're a flawed person, 3) you're a good person.
Scenario 1: You knowingly did something unforgivable and you got caught. You're not guilty about what you did, you're just unhappy with the consequences. You don't deserve her and she doesn't deserve your crap. Let her go and move on.
Scenario 2: A moment of weakness or shortsightedness led to you doing something you regret in hindsight. This is part of being human; pobody's nerfect. It sounds like you're sincerely acknowledging that error and you'll probably end up a better person as a result of this experience. You need a partner who will accept your imperfections and support you as you grow, and if this girl is too selfish to be that partner then you deserve better than her.
Scenario 3: You actually didn't do anything wrong and your fiancee's reaction is irrational and/or manipulative. Take a moment to think carefully about whether anything you did actually violates your personal code, or if the reason you think you messed up is because you're being told you messed up. Don't immediately dismiss this option; people who are being emotionally abused are the last people to see it.
Good analysis. In a marriage there will definitely be serious screw up moments eventually on both sides, and they need to be forgivable. The time to find out what's unforgivable is before marriage. Is this level of unforgivable something that might come up again? I'm praying some angel gives both of you a little counseling.
This is great advice.
Great advice
Praying for healing and reconciliation.
Praying.
Thanks fren.
Is it your fault though? Did you do drugs? Rob a store? A prank gone wrong? You killed her turtle pet by accident? Told her she's stupid in the heat of the moment? Please tell me it's something really stupid.. because there is nothing else other than cheating, dv, drugs, crime that is so serious she left you. If it's something stupid then it means she's just looking for ANYTHING to get the hell away from you.
A true rship will not require you to make so much effort (if you didn't cheat, commit dv or anything like that) and for her to want to break it off. If she truly loves you, a fight ends before the day is over..it should be over in a couple of hours because she loves you too much to wait 2 days. When things are not meant to be , don't force it. Maybe God has a better partner for you in mind.
I honestly think he flushed down her pet goldfish in a moment of drunkenness
praying fern but if the love is there it will find a way to work out....keep your head up there........
I did something stupid recently too and was upset all day about it. Finally, I asked the Lord for forgiveness and today I feel much calmer. I've given it to him. I'll pray that you two work through this and it all turns out happily.🙏❤
Dear heavenly father, we lift up our friend situation to you. We pray for a complete healing of the hearts between these two people, and let the marriage go forward if it’s your will. Provide our friend with wisdom and knowledge, ask him to seek your face. Please provide forgiveness.
Give her time. If it’s meant to be the lord will guide her in forgiveness. I will pray for strength for the both of you.
Try apologizing.
Pray. Apologize. Admit fault and work through with her whatever you did. If you’re both Christians, work this storm together. Lastly, learn from this. God bless anon, fight hard for this.
Start with flowers and a card.
A well timed purchase of Reese cups can be a game changer. 16years married and I screw up a lot.
Resse cups is the secret code.
Prayer said just now
Thank you.
If you didnt cheat on her than I cant see how it is possible to fuck up bad. Did you beat her or something because if you did please leave her alone and let her get on with her life. I mean what else could you possibly do that was bad?
He said he didn't commit DV (domestic vioence)
I said I didn’t commit dv.
maybe he did drugs.. that'd be really messed up. Nobody wants to marry a druggie.
That could be a viable answer....
Would many people even be married of looking at pirn was a deal breaker? Lol
...lovers are like buses...
...you miss one...
...in 15 minutes another will happen by....
Sorry A-dog, didn't downvote (I save those for egregious acts of stupidity). But a true lover is also a true friend, and those are more rare than gold.
...true lovers don't get annoyed and walk out on you....
True, that!
and if they're young it's only puppy love..ha
...exactly...
...the "not eating" part was the tip off....
These are people, not fire hydrants on the bus route ;p
Woah I never heard this I like it
Betrayal is hard to fix. No body ever forgets being betrayed and in any relationship, TRUST is one of the most important. If you broke her trust in you by whatever you did, might better just move on. I will pray that you find peace with whatever you did.
Prayers going up now fren. Love u.
Send her flowers and a note. Tell her what you said here and tell her you want to give her time to process everything. But you would like to sit down and talk it out when she is ready. Tell her you will do anything including postponing the wedding until she trusts you again. Actions speak louder than words. I pray that God will help the two of you through this turbulent time if this relationship/marriage is meant to be.
Brother, have the faith that it all works out the way it is supposed to. Admit your errors, apologize and if you get another chance that is good. If you don’t, it was not in the plan.
But don’t grovel. Own the mistake but never grovel. Who wants a weak partner.
🙏 for both of you, but as others have said, w/o any real perspective on what actually happened, there’s not much practical advice to be given. I hope you can get it worked out.
Just remember women are fucking crazy. 99.9% of them. It's probably not your fault
Lol. I am one and yes we cam be. Men can be crazy. We all can!!! That's just part of it I guess. He'll, I actually did flip out recently & ended up hurting myself as a result of being a total tard. My husband didn't walk out. Could have. Prob wanted to lol. But he's flipped out too before and we got thru it. If they're in love, sure she'll be back. Probably young
Idk who downvoted you, but as a female I agree with you. We’re f*cking insane.
Thank you. I am married to one and she is a lefty. So a double whammy.
oh ouch.. it's your fault you couldn't convert your wife :P /just kidding
I was a lefty too until I met my husband and he woke me up.
I tried. They are a miserable bunch.
Praying hard for you! 🙏🙏🙏🙏😢
You'll be in my prayers.
You're not perfect but you're a good guy and you really care about her. Do your job of making sure she knows that. If those terms are unacceptable to her, she can go. One thing I can tell you, you won't beg your way back in.
Love between a man and a woman is so powerful that the archons/demons make it a priority to destroy these relationships.If you did something stupid it was with help. Sending more prayers: ❤️🙏❤️🙏
Praying for grace form her to be extended to you.
Take heart that she hasn't completely called things off and has ended the relationship. I don't know your lady, of course, but maybe she is just letting you sweat as her way to punish you and to let you know just how upset she is. I think if you keep your head and slowly smooth things out, she will lose her anger and things will work out.